Discovering Who You Become
by RT4ever
Summary: Another hospital bed. Another brunette by his side. One simple question, how the hell did he get here? Brazen and others.
1. Chapter 1

Okay seems to be separating itself by characters instead of 3 neat little parts. So it gets it's own little area.

Same notes as before...

AN1: Liz hater vid on YouTube has inspired me to get off my ass about writing this.

AN2(months later): Man I haven't been able to watch Jason on screen in months, he has never sucked as much as he has with Liason.

Started writing this right after the whole Diego bridge thing went down, so Michael was never shot. The rest you'll figure out as you go.

* * *

**Jason**

"Good morning Mr. Quartermaine," a chipper nurse's voice greeted him.

"Morgan," he mumbled through the blur of his drowsiness, used to occasionally being greeted as such by a new nurse who knew he was Monica's son. Or maybe it was that, he had once been her son, he couldn't blame her, after Emily, for hating him.

"Morgan," she repeated back to him, "your wife will be relieved you've finally decided to rejoin us, she went home to check on your boys and shower."

_Liz, _he happily thought, then scolded himself for having it, he should correct her, he would in a second, he just needed to close his eyes for a second…

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Jason," was the soft whisper with a hand placed on his arm.

He tried to burrow under the pillow.

"Hey Jase," was next in a forceful tone and a shove against his shoulder.

He was surprisingly achy. He couldn't quite remember why though.

"Took you long enough," Brenda was smirking over him, "I was beginning to think you were never waking up."

"Don't you know it's rude to wake someone up," he grumbled with their normal bickering flare.

"Rudder to leave everyone worrying about you for over half a day, you've slept long enough."

He frowned trying to remember.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as she always _eventually_ remembered to.

"Tired," he admitted and was about to question why that was as she stood. "Wow," was all he could say as a large belly came into view.

She smirked, "Good to know your witty personality is still intact."

"What happened?"

She frowned briefly, but replaced it with a smile almost immediately, "Really hope you're not talking about this," she pointed at her belly, "because-"

"Brenda," he softly silenced her, appreciating on one level her waiting to spare him whatever pain was awaiting him, but whatever it was he needed to know.

"Jason," her voice lost all false enthusiasm as she shook her head.

"Just tell me," he calmly ordered.

Her eyes connected with his.

"Dr. Smith's just checked in, he said he should be here in a half hour."

She turned back, her eyes still lost in pain, to the nurse who had interrupted them, "Thank you," she nodded."

The nurse smiled, "Anything I can get for you Mr. Qua-" she paused for a second and her smile grew brighter, "Morgan?"

He could see out of the corner of his eye, Brenda's perturbed expression. Her eyes remained trained on the nurse as he responded with a quick, "No thank you."

She turned slowly to him as the nurse walked out of the room, still with the unsure expression. He wondered if she thought he'd throw a fit as he used to when being labeled a Quartermaine.

"What's wrong?"

"That nurse-" her finger pointed at the door as she remained studying him.

"She must know Monica," he explained.

"Mo-" she halfway nodded with the stunned expression.

"It's alright, it happens every once in awhile."

She nodded again, "I need to go make some calls," she said with an air of distance.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he suspiciously viewed her stomach.

A hand dropped down, almost stunned for that too, as if she'd forgotten her own condition. "Yea, no," she shook her head, "I just need-" she shook her head, "I'll be back."

He wanted to yell out after her, 'What happened?' but a quiet Brenda scared him more than any uncertainness of what had happened twelve hours ago.

He let his head slacken against the pillows seconds after her departure and closed his eyes hopeful someone would come with answers soon enough, hopeful that person would be Liz.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Hey man, you up?"

His eyes sprung open for that, for that voice, praying it wouldn't be the person associated with that tone, clueless as to how it could be that person. It was for naught.

Shorter by an inch with nearly every other characteristic the same as his on paper.

Biological half-brother, most in common physically, yet the one with whom there had never been any connection aside from pity and disgust.

Standing before him with his arm in a sling, a scrape on the side of his face along with bruising, navy sweatpants, gray zip up hoodie, not at all the suit he had been buried in.

"Jase?" the question tinged with worry.

_How he ended up in the hospital bed, much clearer upon seeing AJ. _

"Jason?" he repeated with his head tilted to the side.

"How are you not dead?" he wished he had tested out the extent of his injuries.

Another confused look, a look of chagrin, "I gotta admit, I did think that rock," he touched the abrasions on the side of his face, "was going to do me in. I didn't think you saw that."

Jason frowned trying to remember.

"How are you feeling?" AJ took another step closer, relieved that Jason had finally reacted. "Where's Brenda? I would have thought she beat us here."

_He was not about to be distracted. _Why couldn't he remember how AJ wasn't dead? How much time had he lost? _Paralyzed then murdered. How could he come back from that? _"You're dead," _you couldn't come back from that, everything he had ever known told him that. _

AJ frowned, "Jase," he looked at his brother.

"Stop calling me that."

"What?" completely perplexed at this point, he expected Jason to be upset after last night, but lashing out…

"Jase, like we're friends or something, answer me now, why are you still alive?"

His head shook in confusion and annoyance, "What the hell are you talking about Jason?" His head shook again, "Friends? We're brothers."

"WE ARE NOT BROTHERS," his voice firm, just slightly below a yell that would bring the whole hospital staff running.

"What the hell," AJ's eyes shot directly to Jason's.

"I was there when you broke your back, Michael was there when Thomas killed you."

AJ's mouth opened, his face paled, Jason have expected him to disappear into a ghost and fade into the background as this nightmare ended, a replay of what it had been to wake up that first time with someone like him as a brother.

"Who the hell did you pay off?" Jason screamed, filled with a fury he had been waiting to unleash for years, but AJ's death had robbed him of.

Horror, shock as AJ shook his head. "No," he shook his head more, his eyes closed, "not again, this can't be…"

"AJ!" he had no time for his games, he needed answers and he needed them now.

Blue eyes opened in continued dismay.

"ANSWER ME!"

"I came home when you got your memory back, four years ago."

Jason's mouth opened to refute the liar's claims as he remembered Brenda's expression as the nurse switched from Quartermaine to Morgan.

"Oh god," AJ looked like he was going to be sick.

Jason waited to wake up.

The door opened slowly, Jason's mouth fell further to the floor. Sweet brown eyes, a tender smile; the sister he had failed. "Oh god Jason," tears welled up in the eyes he missed so desperately, he wanted to wake up now, he couldn't bear to dream of her and then awake to her being gone again. She rushed in past AJ and threw two winter jackets onto the chair. "I was so scared I'd never see you again," she cried as her body covered her brother's and he felt himself, despite himself, clutching her to him, trying to take in a deep breath of her, trying to seal in forever what she felt like alive, instead of that unnatural stillness, the limpness of her body. He clutched her even tighter.

"I was so scared, so scared we'd never have this again."

_So this was it, this was death. Life did go on after the body. Brenda…Diego must have found her, Brenda's betrayal of his family, probably a far greater sin than Emily's relation to him. He ached over that. Emily though, Emily made up for AJ. _

"I'm sorry," he cried clutching her, "I'm so sorry."

"No," she pulled back, boring brown eyes into blue, both red and filled with tears. "This was not your fault. We had no idea-"

"I should have never left you alone," he cut her off.

"Oh god," the groan from the figure that had collapsed upon the jackets on the chair caused Emily to tilt slightly towards it as she stared at her other brother in confusion.

"What are you talking about Jason?"

AJ spoke first, "He doesn't…Oh god, he…Ask him his name Em."

"What's he talking about Jase?"

"I-"

"He doesn't remember getting his memory back, he doesn't remember being our brother!" AJ once more cut him off.

"You what?" her head tilted as she looked at him in confusion. "No," she shook her head, "what did the doctor say?"

"He hasn't come in yet," Jason whispered in defeat, _he had awoken the wrong person again, _he had failed her again, wasn't the brother she deserved, wanted.

The door swung open quickly, Brenda's still large eyes viewing the scene before her, knowing that simple name had meant everything she feared it did.

"Bren, he-" AJ said bounding to his feet.

"I know," she nodded at Jason, "Kevin's on his way. Everything will be fine," she nodded and reassured herself. "The kids are outside, I need you to tell them you're fine and everything's going to be fine, they're already a mess, if they don't see you-"

"Hey wait you two," Alice's booming voice could be heard from behind Brenda and Brenda stepped back just in time to allow to zooming figures past her.

They moved in a blur, two figures under four feet, a sandy blonde and a light brown both with short hair.

"Daddy!" they cried nearly in unison and they flung themselves at him for hugs, which he readily bestowed upon them, unable to deny them, despite his confusion.

"See guys," Brenda said walking towards them with a bright smile, her earlier fear nearly completely hidden, he turned to see AJ and Emily had also pasted on fake smiles and dried their eyes, "I told you he was fine."

They viewed her warily and turned back to him to study him, giving him a chance to study them, flipping between their features. They looked like brothers, like he and AJ did. Their features slightly different, the sandy blonde looked upon him with blue eyes versus his brother's hazel.

"I'm fine," he promised them.

"Promise?" the blonde questioned.

"Yea," he nodded.

The brown headed boy, regarded AJ with a frown and Jason decided he liked him, "That looks like it hurts." He pointed at the bruise and scrape alongside AJ's face.

"Just a little Gar," AJ smiled at his nephew, "you know what would make it feel better?"

"Oooh I know the answer that one," Emily teased.

"We're too old for kisses," the blonde headed boy exclaimed with a violent shake of his head as Jason wondered if that truly was Jake. _If so where was Elizabeth?_

"You're never too old for kisses," AJ leaned down and tickled his nephew with one hand. "Come on," he tilted his injured cheek towards him after a few squeals.

The young boy looked desperately towards Emily, who smiled at him, "He's not going to let you go till you give in."

He gave an exacerbated sigh and kissed his uncle's cheek.

"Next up," he leaned across the bed to his more complacent nephew. _Gar, _Jason tried out the name in his head as another kiss was bestowed. "Now I don't suppose I can talk Mommy into-" he swaggered towards Brenda.

"In your dreams," she laughed at him.

"Gotta try," he chuckled and walked away.

"You boys are probably crushing your father," Alice said chastising the boys as she walked towards the bed clutching their neglected winter coats.

_Mommy. _That name rolled around Jason's head, nearly blocking everything else out. _Mommy. _Brenda was Mommy. Their Mommy. He was their…

"Jacob, Garrett," she nodded at them.

_Jake…_Jason studied the boy again and then realized they were both pleading with them.

"Hey guys," Brenda said stepping in as she saw Jason's face, "Alice is going to take you over to Pop's."

"We're s'posed to call him Great-Grandfather," Jake dutifully informed Brenda. _Jason really didn't like the sound of that._

She rolled her eyes, "And you're supposed to call me Her Royal Highness, Queen of all that is good and wonderful and that has yet to happen," she smirked at the young boy.

"I don't wanna leave Daddy," the youngest boy said suddenly clingy after the tensions of the last day, he burrowed in next to his father and wrapped his arm as best he could across Jason's chest, the other trying to find it's way in past the mattress supporting Jason's back.

Jason wrapped his arms around the boy, he didn't remember knowing, _he wanted to know him though. _It wasn't familiar, but the action felt right. "I'm okay," he reassured the boy.

"When are you coming home?" the scared voice question.

He slipped into the role, the confident father that had been with the boys for years, instead of the stranger that only knew one of the boys as an infant, "I don't know. The doctor needs to check me out, so you need to go with Alice for awhile."

"Why?" Jake questioned. "You stay with us for Dr. Bev."

"And how much do you hate having to go see Dr. Bev?" Brenda poked his side.

"We can wait," the eldest boy adamantly decided for the pair and crossed his arms ready to settle in for the fight.

"Hey how about you go to Pop's and you can help Cook make Daddy some lunch and maybe a few cookies for the rest of us?" Emily said with a reassuring smile.

"Yea," AJ nodded with all of his normal cockiness, "you know there is someone else injured in the room and he could really go for some crazy chocolate cookie, maybe with M&M's or Hershey Kisses in them."

The littlest one lifted his head a bit for that one.

"I am kind of hungry," Jason urged his sons on.

"It's okay Jake," Brenda once more promised her stepson as he continued to warily view them.

"I'm fine," Jason as well promised.

"Lunch?" he questioned.

"Lunch," Jason promised.

"Yea come on guys, we need to clear out so the good doc can come in and fix your dad up," AJ nodded at his nephews as he once more approached the bed. "Now I've only got one arm so who wants a ride down to the car."

Garrett immediately jumped up, catching Jason's ribs in the process.

"Oooh careful," Brenda winced along with the rest of the room over the action and Jason decided he probably wasn't in any shape to take out AJ at the moment.

"Geez man," AJ said scooping the young boy who had bounded across his father in an attempt to beat out his brother, up into his arms, "we don't step on you. Kiss your parents goodbye," he shifted the boy with a swinging ease showing he was used to manhandling the boy.

"Bye Dad," the boy smiled as he steadied himself on the bed before kissing his dad.

"And Mom," AJ said as he tried to swing the boy up again.

Emily chuckled as she helped to verticize her nephew.

"Bye sweetie," she touched her son's cheek.

"Bye Mom."

"You too Bud," Emily said with a hand on her nephew's back.

"Fine," he pouted at Brenda, "bye."

"Give your dad a kiss," she gently ordered.

He turned, "Bye Dad."

"Bye Jake."

Blue eyes stared for a moment, "Lunch?"

"I promise."

"K," he nodded, "lunch," he repeated as he leaned in for a kiss. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Jason responded softly as he felt his heart rise up to his throat.

"I love you too MB," he said throwing himself at Brenda, wrapping himself around her as best he could.

"I love you too baby," she said pulling him closer and kissing the top of his head.

He smiled and pulled back, placing a hand on her stomach where he's just been kicked from, "You too Tig."

"Don't forget Roo!" Garrett called out as he swung in his uncle's grasp.

"Where's Roo?" He looked up brightly at Brenda, the earlier panic forgotten.

"I think over here," she said moving his hand across her belly.

"Love you too Roo."

"If you love them," Brenda smiled, "you'd hurry up on that cookie making."

_Them. Plural meaning two. _Jason wasn't feeling so good.

"K," he leaned in quickly, "love you he repeated."

"I'll walk with you guys," Emily said scooping up the coats she had tossed on the armchair.

"AJ do you want to," Brenda said pushing off the bed she was half sitting, half leaning on.

"Go with the boys, I figured," he nodded.

"Thanks," she apologetically smiled.

He shook his head, "See you later."

"Come along young man," Alice said extending her hand to the young boy remaining on the bed, shifting their coats to her other hand.

"I wanna jump," he sighed annoyed with her for stopping him.

"I don't think so, there has been enough injury in this family to last us some time."

"But Al-"

She cut off his whining by quickly tossing him under her arm, just as AJ did Garrett. "Feel better Jason," she nodded at him.

"Alice, I can walk," the little boy loudly sighed as he was carted out of the room, struggling but failing to get her to give.

"I'm gonna," Emily said lifting hers and AJ's coats and nodding.

"We'll be here," Brenda nodded back.

"I'm not going to wake up from this am I?" he questioned after a moment of silence once the door had shut leaving them alone again.

"Fraid not Jase."

**_TBC..._**

* * *

AN3: So I'm not a big fan of slang, not being used in my notes or in the dialogue, but what works better than verticize. :-P Kinda cocky, kinda lazy, kinda great to describe an AJ movement.

AN4: Real sorry if that was confusing. Hopefully that will get cleared up with the next chapter, but it was meant to be kinda confusing because Jason is MASSIVELY confused (and Garrett's name, yes it was meant to be like Barrett :-P).

AN5: Seriously I can't stand my writing style at the moment, but I hate all the past stuff too and others don't, so if it sucked I'm sorry, I truly can't tell. :-P


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Geez I just went through 3 starts to this story. The totally fine Brenda, the emotional Brenda, decided good old sarcastic Brenda works best for any situation.

* * *

**Part Two**

"I lied," she said on a sigh and eased herself into a chair, "this cannot possibly be happening."

He just studied her, the large mound that resided in front of her; the single thing that separated her from the Brenda he knew.

Her head leaned back, "Whacked out, crazy, hormone induced dream." She closed her eyes, "I'm going to wake up to find you huddling under the covers," she tossed her head forward and gave him a death glare, "and I'm going to wake you and make you go get me ice cream." She frowned at him trying to decide a more apt punishment, "No hit up the all night dinner on Dauber, burger, fries, milkshake, the works, then by the time you get back, I'll have dropped the temperature another ten degrees and be sound asleep."

He continued to stare at her with new eyes. The Brenda that he had known was gone despite aside from the one singular physical difference she was sporting, all else physical and attitude wise remained the same, yet that belly…It made everything different.

Brenda was his _wife? _

He looked at her bare left hand. "Are we married?"

She looked startled for a second as that pulled her out of her dreamland, of her torture plans for allowing her to have such a horrible nightmare. She looked down at her hand on the arm rest before looking over at him, fingers swollen just enough to warrant the removal of her ring, on "Four years in June," she nodded. "Your ring is probably in my purse, they gave me your stuff last night," she frowned as she tried to remember what she had done with that, probably still in their entryway, Mac's name would come in handy if she was pulled over today.

_Married?_ He had married Brenda again? Willingly? _'I came home when you got your memory back, four years ago.'_ AJ's words rung in his ears, he hadn't married Brenda, Jason Quartermaine had. _What had Jason Quartermaine gotten him into?_

"After-" he pointed at his head.

It took her a moment before what he was talking about dawned on her, she frowned at first before dropping a hand to her stomach and smiling softly, "Yea." She noticed his brief frown, "Probably would have happened anyway Jase," she smirked at him, "we got married on the 3rd, Garrett made his grand and spectacular appearance on the 4th," her eyelids dropped to half mast as she gave him a pointed look, "your memory only reared it's ugly head in late November, early December."

His head tilted and he looked at her, **he** had gotten involved with Brenda, **he** had gotten her pregnant. He certainly hadn't expected that one.

"Try not to look so shocked Jason," she rolled her eyes.

"We were…" he gestured briefly between them.

She scowled at him then laughed, "That _was_ weird."

He smiled, but not at all believing it was possible. He loved Elizabeth, he was only willing to walk away from her for hers and Jake's safety, he wouldn't have just started another family. "MB?" he questioned the nickname Jake had used.

"Mommy Bren."

Not only was he finally a dad to his son, but Brenda shared the title of mother?

She shrugged, "He needed a name. He likes it, it's our thing."

"Liz is okay with that?"

Her eyes flickered away for a second, "Probably not, but he needed it. He was two and our time with him was suddenly split with a baby…" She shook her head. "I changed his diapers, I gave him baths. Still clean up projectile vomit. Feed him breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tuck him in, read him stories, chase away the bogeymen. A name shouldn't make him feel like he's any less my son because I didn't give birth to him."

"I didn't mean to-" he tried to figure out what he was apologizing for.

She shook her head, "Touchy subject. Childhood issues."

He studied her again, still disbelieving, however his body hurt more than any dream ever had. He and Brenda…He stopped in his assessment of the issue and found something that guaranteed it was a dream, "You're taking this too well."

"What do you want me to do?" she questioned with her hands on her hips.

"Act like Brenda?"

She scoffed, "Are you calling me a drama queen?"

"You, Brenda? Never."

"I'm at 37 weeks with twins Jason, I have probably been more panicked and freaked out in the last day than I have been since we were married, Kevin told me not to stress, so I'm not going to. You woke up, our family is safe, there is no reason I need to add to the drama by having a mental breakdown because trust me once I start, I'm not going to stop. Been telling me for two decades, it's going to be okay, to trust you. So you know what…" she shook her head.

"We're married, AJ isn't dead, Emily isn't dead…" he pointed out all of the implausibilities of this dream.

She lifted a closed hand and pulled back one finger, "Four kids Jase, you're not getting out of the marriage so move past." Second finger pulled up as she frowned, "Yea there was this whole Lydia, mob drama thingy involved with that, don't think AJ was responsible or maybe we just pretend that he isn't…I never really got that whole thing. Honestly though between both of our mood swings at that time, I really don't remember too much of it." She shook her head and moved past that as she pulled up the third finger, "Like two years ago, Nikolas was trying to uncover Helena's latest…whatever and found Emily and Courtney locked up."

"Courtney's alive?"

She rolled her eyes, "And married to Nikolas because Em wanted to do the right thing for Spencer, but we're pretty sure Courtney and AJ have been having an affair, so if you see them together at the same time, don't mention it. You made me promise to not get involved so when …" she stopped, "if you remember you'll be really pissed to have started that."

He watched the change that swept over her with that simple change of word, she had been rushing through everything before, not allowing herself to think, she had been take charge and ignoring the possibility that her husband wouldn't be returning to her. He watched as she once more pushed it from her eyes and continued on with her brave face.

"Just trust me, keep your mouth shut."

"Shouldn't be a problem," he nodded.

"You know I should go check on Kevin's status and remind the damn nurse to page your doctor again," she said heaving herself out of the chair.

He was going to let her leave; he didn't know how to deal with this anymore than she did. At least he hadn't woken up married to Sam because while he had loved her and had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and their children, he didn't think he could comprehend truly forgiving and moving past what she had done. "Brenda," he called after her without a full thought behind his actions, then watched her entire body tense as her quick escape was denied. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Car accident," she told him without turning back.

"Again?" With AJ he wondered why he was surprised, Jason Quartermaine just wouldn't learn.

"There was a car in the river, you jumped in after it," she whispered.

"AJ's-"

She shook her head, "He was a few minutes behind you; he went in after you. I'm going to-" she reached the door this time with her quick steps.

"Brenda," he once more called her.

She turned back with large glossy eyes, blinking quickly, sending streams of tears down her cheeks, "Please Jason, I don't know how to do this, not without you."

"Brenda," he tried again.

"You don't remember loving me Jason," she shot out. "You don't remember me."

"I remember you," he softly promised "and I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." He might still love Liz, but Brenda was his wife, even if he didn't remember how that happened, he would never be the one to leave.

She shook her head slowly at him, "The woman who blackmailed you into marriage; that annoys you; that you have to take care of…I really never understood what it felt like to Keesha when you looked at her and didn't see her." She closed her eyes again, then slowly opened them to look at him, "I know it's going to be fine. Even if it's gone for good. I know we can make it work, but all those memories, everything that made us, us," she shook her head at him.

"Brenda," his voice low and consoling.

She once more woefully looked at him, "I don't want to be acting like this Jason," she blinked and tears fell again, "blame it on the hormones," she said wiping the tears away. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what I'm supposed to say…"

"I'm sorry," he apologized again.

"Stop doing that," she snapped at him with a laugh and wiped her eyes again. "Oh god Jason," she chuckled again, "we need a Dummies book for your head."

"Now you're acting like yourself again," he reassuringly smiled at her.

She dried her cheeks once more, "Whatever," she said waving her hand, "I'll just get knocked up again, both times…" she violently waved her hands in the direction of him.

He smirked, then frowned as something dawned on him. _He and Brenda…_

"And with that I'm leaving," she smirked back at him, despite her still watery eyes.

He was left frowning trying to sort out answers to unanswered questions, but not for long…


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Ummm I should remind everyone here (in case there are lurking readers aside from the 2 who already know my opinion on this or are you guys just compulsively reloading the chapter because it was just that good…:-P Hmm yea probably not), I do NOT like Liz. That character has annoyed the crap out of me the entire time she's been on the show. Her only redeeming quality had been JJ had some really great moments because of the character, sadly no one else has in the decade since. Oh wait no telling her off is always nice, I do cheer for those scenes.

* * *

**Part Three**

"Oh god Jason," Sam's hair whipped with the force she entered his room with.

_Please do not tell me AJ isn't the only Quartermaine having an affair. _ He'd kill Jason Quartermaine himself, even though they shared a body.

"Oh god," her eyes suddenly flooded with tears, "oh god Jason I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you or the kids," her eyes closed briefly, a hand was brought up to her forehead. "I don't know why I can never keep my mouth shut, I was just so…." Her hands flared next to her.

"What did you do," his voice was low and grave.

"She just wouldn't stop Jason," her hands shook again and she pivoted to walk across the room.

"Sam," the force with which he said her name caused her to pivot back to him.

"She just…" her hands shook in front of her. "When I woke up and Cam and Lori were gone…" her hands dropped to her sides.

"Tell me what happened," his voice softened a fraction, hoping to elicit a real answer. _Cameron, meant Liz._

Her head shook, then winced before touching the side of her head.

_Maybe he had jumped in after Sam. _

"She found out about the baby," a hand dropped to her flat stomach, her eyes focused in on a corner of the room instead of his gaze, "and she just started in on how if being pregnant last time didn't keep Lucky with me…" she shook her head and took a harsh swallow, "then it wouldn't keep them apart again." She turned back to him, "In my own house Jason. She came over, pretty much stormed in, acted all sweet and loving to Cam and Lori and ignored Dani," Sam's eyes filled with pain over that. "And announces she's planning on stealing my fiancée."

"What did you do?" he really didn't want to know the answer.

"What do you think I did Jason?" she snapped at him. "She comes into my house and says, that _her _husband and _her_ kids will be back with her before, and I'm pretty sure this is verbatim," she did a quick little air quote "you pop out your next bastard?'" Sam's head shook and she once more winced, "She actually had the gall to say that after she got pregnant on purpose to get Lucky back after she thought you were with Brenda and once more she said he only came back to me because he felt sorry for me, but that Dani was healthy now and another baby wouldn't keep him away from her because they were soul-mates." Her head shook, "Because you fuck over your soul-mate three times a year apparently!"

He just stared blankly at her.

She shrugged, "I just couldn't help it Jason." Her head shook, she was getting used to the pain, the adrenalin helping to block it, "Told her there was no way she was ever getting those kids back. No way she was getting you or Lucky back."

_'Ha,' Sam snapped. 'Let me get this straight. You really think there's a judge in his right mind that's going to give those kids back to you?'_

_'This is only a temporary situation,' Liz quickly retorted._

_'May have started off that way, but after a year next month and you've never been farther away from getting them back? I don't think so.'_

_'You have no idea what you're talking about, when Lucky-'_

_' I can understand why you'd be so desperate to get Lucky back because well let's face it, Jason pretty much forgot you existed the moment Brenda came back and even if he didn't, it's not like you're exactly high society material.'_

_'You know nothing of my relationship with Jason,' she shook her head._

_'Well I do know Lucky stayed with you because of those kids, so I really should be thanking you for being such a screw up because Lucky's too much of a good guy to let those kids suffer with you as their only full time parent.'_

_'Lucky loves me!'_

_Sam scoffed, 'Luckily that means I'm safe from Lucky having to sacrifice his happiness yet again because there is no judge out there that would think removing them from a stable two parent household, complete with siblings, would be a good idea. So you know what, better luck with your next one night stand.'_

_'You're nothing but a dirty whore that insinuated herself into my husband's life like the dirty little bottom crawler you are, AFTER Jason kicked you to the curb.'_

_'No,' Sam smirked at her, 'Jason was in love with me. Desperately and completely in love with me when he slept with you and he came right back to me. HE realized that he needed and loved ME. Even when he found out about Jake, he was willing to stay away from him to protect me, because he loved me. I made a move on Lucky, WHILE I was with Jason because I couldn't forgive him. And no spin you try to put on that will ever change it.'_

_'JASON LOVED ME!'_

_'Jason is duty bound by responsibilities and his love for his family. He would have tried to make it work with Medusa for the sake of his son. Yet ya still screwed that up,' Sam cocked her head, hoping for once the kids had actually turned the tv up enough to damage their hearing, she was keeping her voice low and steady, accenting her words with firmness instead of volume, but Liz certainly wasn't and they had been exposed to this too many times already. 'Slept with Lucky because Jason was spending too much time with Brenda, I wish I'd have been there to see your face the moment you told Jason you married Lucky because the stick turned blue…Again. And he told you Brenda was sleeping with Sonny, not him.' Sam smirked as Liz's stance stiffened. 'The judge is going to clearly be able to see just who should get the kids based on paternity. Three different baby daddies. My children only have one father, Brenda's children only have one father. Cameron and Lori are happy with me and Lucky, there's been enough upheaval in their life and Lori isn't even out of preschool yet, she barely even remembers living with you and in a few years even that will be just a vague nightmare. So you need to just move on because there is nothing that you can do to break up my family.' Sam shook her head at her and turned away with another scoff as Liz just stood fuming. 'I'm calling Lucky, this isn't your scheduled time,' she said going for the phone and then it went black. _

She looked up towards the ceiling, "I didn't mean to react Jason. I know I'm not supposed to," her head shook, "walk away or call someone. I would have **not** let her in the house if the kids hadn't been right next to me when I went to the door." She frowned and lifted a hand to the sore spot on her head, "Probably should have tried walking away before I told her off," her hand cupped the spot , then fell as she once more shook her head. She sighed as she sank into the chair Brenda had been sitting in earlier, her mouth dropped open slightly as she stared at him, "I didn't want this Jason. I wanted her out of our lives, but not like this." Her eyes flooded again, "When I woke up and they were gone and when Lucky called me back and told me Jake was gone too," her head shook again and tears fell more readily as she remembered staggering to her feet and calling for them, eventually having Lori come out of the family room telling her, that she was supposed to be quiet, because 'Mommy's sleeping' and that Lori and Cameron went with Liz. "If her car didn't have the GPS," her head shook and her eyes closed, "we could have lost them because I couldn't just ignore her." Her head dropped down in defeat.

He wanted to respond, he wanted to scream at her, but he couldn't, he wasn't sure he wouldn't throw up.

"I'm so sorry Jason," she looked up with remorseful eyes.

"What the hell were you thinking?" his voice was low and filled with disgust.

Shocked eyes greeted him, her mouth opened and she just stared.

"You won. Liz lost. You had everything, she had nothing." Brenda's words, Sam's words, they were Liz's kids full time mother. He had destroyed Liz by sleeping with her; Sam's actions were his fault. His former compassionate and caring fiancée…Had it been an act like Carly suggested? Or had he destroyed her?

She let out a puff of a laugh in shock, "I?" Her head shook, "I? I destroyed her? You know what I admit, I screwed up. I should have told Lucky I was pregnant before I left town, but I couldn't, not until I was sure I'd actually get to see and hold my baby. Listen to her cry, feel her breathe," her hand lifted to her chest for another moment, "I thought you of all people understood that. When I came back and she was pregnant too and they were married, I didn't make any demands of Lucky, my heart was broken and I missed him desperately, but I didn't do anything," her hand once more went to her chest, "even though I knew he still loved and wanted me. I let Dani spend time with that fake little witch because of Lucky and the kids. I raised Dani on my own until she was almost two. So you know how exactly the state of Liz's life is my fault-" her head shook in shock.

_Liz's life. Liz was okay. _

"I don't know what your secret was to getting Liz to back off, but you never shared it with Lucky and we have tried everything possible to make the whole situation easiest on everyone, but she…" Sam's head shook as she pushed out of her seat.

"Whew," Emily said rushing into the door, "Sam hi." Her head shook and she smiled, "I saw Lucky as I was coming back inside."

_And she ran the rest of the way. _Jason thought wryly, trying to figure out what exactly she was trying to stop. An awkward situation from occurring or him from hearing the truth?

Emily didn't give Sam enough time to look puzzled, "I just wanted to check on my latest niece or nephew," she continued smiling brightly.

Sam let out a short smile and covered her stomach with a hand, "Clean bill of health, same doctor's orders as before, take it easy and try not to get stressed. Which," her head shook, "is as likely to happen as hell freezing over."

"You know you really should be home resting," Emily prompted.

"We're actually going over to my mother's after this, we just wanted to thank Jason and see how he was doing," she nodded. "How's AJ? Lucky told me he got pretty banged up."

"Acting like a big baby," Emily smirked, "honestly you think he'd take being woken up every hour a little better than he did after the fuss he made to not stay overnight in the hospital." She laughed, grateful Jason was staying quiet, Sam wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant; Emily didn't want to do anything to risk it. "Apparently being conscious made him remember how inefficient his pain meds were."

"He broke his arm right?"

"Yea, but I think it's more the giant bruise pretty much covering his entire left side, according to AJ, 'the rock won.'"

"I can imagine. Thank god the kids were already on shore."

Emily shot a look over to her brother to see his reaction, it wasn't surprised, so she was guessing Sam had already filled him in on the details, but Sam wasn't in complete hysterics, so at least she had avoided one of the things she had rushed upstairs for. "How's Cameron's arm?"

"Bandage annoys him to no end, you can't take your eyes off of him or he'll scratch it right off," Sam slightly shook her head, "and he's making a fuss over having to take the antibiotic the doctor prescribed. Wonder if I can just hide it in food like I do with the dog."

Emily smiled.

"Sam sweetheart," the door opened again and this time it was Kevin Collins at the door, "disobeying doctor's orders already."

"Just a quick visit Dad, then I'll spend the day letting Lucky wait on me hand and foot."

Emily shot Jason a look as his eyes widened.

"I'm going to hold you to that," Lucky said coming in as Kevin finished entering the room.

Sam smiled at first then frowned looking down, "Where are the kids?"

"Hanging out with Brenda and Lucy, Em said Jason's had enough visitors today that the doctors needed to run a few more tests," the man was blatantly lying, but Sam seemed too preoccupied to notice.

"Oh," she frowned, "I thought the doctor said he was fine last night." She looked directly at Lucky, then at Kevin and frowned, "Is that why you're here?"

"No," his eyes widened a bit as he was quick to reject that claim, "Lucy and I just wanted to check up on Jason and Brenda."

"Oh," she nodded.

"So about letting me pamper you all day?" Lucky said swooping in and wrapping his arm around Sam's waist.

She smiled up at him, "All day, everyday if you want."

He smiled back, honestly and truthfully.

_Lucky really did love her._

"Thank you, Jason," she said turning back to him, "and I really am sorry," she nodded.

"Sam, I told you," Lucky said tilting her head back up to him.

Her hand covered his, "Not now. Let's leave Jason in peace."

"Right," he nodded, then turned back to Jason, "thanks Jason." He turned to Emily, "I'll talk to you later?" he once more asked with wide eyes.

"I'll give you a call in a few hours," she nodded.

"Take it easy sweetheart," Kevin said kissing Sam's cheek.

"Will do Dad."

"Jason," Kevin began a few moments after the door shut, "I want to thank you for-"

He would have none of that, "What the hell is going on!" was the only thing he was interested in.

* * *

AN: Oooh three readers!! Hello hello. Hope you still like the story.


	4. Chapter 4

Woah with the reviews.

Haha, I HAD to make Kevin Sam's father, I mean, come on. Not to mention great way to bring back great characters.

Oooh warning guys, not going to be a long story, was only meant to be 3 parts will probably end up around 6.

Oh and confusion was to be expected, you're supposed to be in the dark like Jason until he puts it together or someone explains it to him. This takes place like 5 years AFTER Jason had the hand injury that was the fastest healing allegedly horrible injury (Patrick that great or that dumb). Oooh that being said remember NOTHING that happened on the show after that is guaranteed to have happened in the story…Like umm yea that whole Michael/Ian thingy….Nope. Mostly because I need Devlin. :-P

**Warning**: LONG. Seriously not kidding. LONG chapter. Several different flashbacks by Emily.

* * *

**Part 4**

Emily sighed.

Jason was getting sick of that sound.

Kevin looked over at her then back to Jason, "Retrograde amnesia, Jason."

He shot Kevin a dirty look, _he had figured that much out._

"According to Brenda around five years of your memory are being blocked or worse. I left Dr. Smith consulting with a Dr. Cozek, but from what he saw last night and I agree with him, the trauma to your brain looks slight. Quite frankly, it's a perfectly normal concussion, however with your past," Kevin's eyes widened, his hands slightly lifted apologetically, "with all the brain changes you've experienced, there is no normal for you anymore. Dr. Devlin's approach four years ago that regained your lost memories was unregulated, we always knew we would never know the full extent of it."

He frowned, no longer quite as desperately concerned with finding out about Liz, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying Jason, we have no idea what we're dealing with. This could very easily a simple case of post-traumatic amnesia, especially since you don't remember your relationship with Brenda, which Lucy has told me was the end of your relationship with Liz. The feelings of guilt over Elizabeth's current situation paired with your concussion, the hypothermia…"

"I don't want to remember?"

"Not that you don't want to Jason…Just perhaps you aren't ready t o handle it. Your body and your mind went through a great trauma last night. We're going to have to run some more tests-"

"What happened?" he cut him off.

Kevin looked over at Emily, "Perhaps you'd like to," he nodded at Jason.

"What should I tell-"

He looked back over at Jason, "Whatever he wants to know. I've known Jason nearly as long as you, if you don't tell him, he'll find out on his own."

Emily nodded.

"I'm going to go call some colleagues, get your files sent from GH," he rubbed his eyes in a most unprofessional manner and wondered how his day had begun this way, when only four short hours ago, he had finally fallen asleep, relieved that his daughter and grandchildren would be okay, while still horrified by how easily he could have lost them. He shook his head and went to leave before he turned back, "We're going to have to discuss this more in depth once we get a better handle of the physical aspects of your amnesia and make sure we haven't missed anything crucial to your recovery, but what is the last thing you remember Jason?"

He looked at Emily, just looked at her, still fighting himself to believe she was real. "Right after we found out it was Diego Alcazar, I was released from the hospital."

"Anything else?"

He frowned trying to remember, he looked at Emily, "How's Carly? She lost the baby."

"She got over it as best she could," Emily nodded. "She and Jax didn't make it."

_Where was Carly, was the better question, _he didn't have time for that right now.

"I'll leave you two to discuss it," Kevin said with his hand on the handle, "would you like me to send Brenda in?"

"How is she?" Jason quickly asked.

Kevin smiled, encouraged by that sign, "Sitting with Lucy. If you don't want her I'm going to send her downstairs to get something to eat."

He nodded, "Tell her I'll be fine."

Kevin smirked, "She knows that. She threatened it repeatedly; leaving her with four kids is unacceptable. I'll pass it along though."

Once alone Jason turned his full attention to Emily, who sighed again and looked at him with desperate eyes, wishing she was anywhere else, anyone else was telling her brother that everything he had known was gone.

"Well…"

"Thank you," she began with.

His brows lifted.

"Sam," she nodded, "I remember just how…" she shook her head, "poorly you guys were getting along before I was taken. She wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant, her body isn't really…" she waved her hands in front of her, "it's delicate. She almost lost Dani at six months, she only made it to 32 weeks as it was. I wasn't exactly their biggest supporter when I came back, but I think they bring that…_normality_ they both always needed to their relationship." She smiled at her brother, "Kind of like you and Brenda. You guys kind of moved past the drama."

"But Elizabeth didn't?" he accused.

"No," her eyes closed and she shook her head, "that's not what I meant."

"What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"The last thing I remember Lucky was going to remain Jake's father."

"It came out probably a few weeks after you got out of the hospital. You still tried to avoid him, but you knew that he'd still be at risk, so you let Sonny buy you out."

"Why didn't Liz and I-"

She shook her head, "I don't know Jason. I was kind of locked up at the time." She smirked, "Once you get a thought in your head, it's pretty hard to talk you out of it. You just kind of did your thing and she did hers, from what I hear. Brenda made you take visitation, since everyone already knew anyway. You'd hang out with Mom and Brenda when you had Jake because it made her feel better," she smiled softly.

"Monica-" Jason quickly got out, "is she-"

"Oh god," Emily's eyes widened, "no not at all. Mom's actually island hoping in the Caribbean at the moment with a retired investment banker. Don't worry," she nodded, "Grandfather had a background check run on him."

"Edward, how is he still alive?"

Her face fell, "He had a stroke in August, he's regained most of his function actually, but…" She looked away briefly, "He's changed a lot Jason. I think after Grandmother, Justus and Dad, even me and AJ. He even learned to bite his tongue around you so he could spend time with Jake. He got three of his grandkids back, and your kids. God Rory," she smiled, "I think he might believe she makes the world go round because she has Grandmother's nose."

"Rory?"

"Aurora, AJ's daughter. She's seven. He named her for Dawn, she looks so much like Mom. The princess of our family."

Jason frowned as he realized this wasn't the information he was after, "Em," he prompted.

"Back to you?"

He nodded.

She shook her head, "I don't really know Jason. I mean I only know what I heard from others." She looked up at the recessed lighting, "Liz and Lucky got remarried the April after…" she shook her head, "you know."

"Yea," the hushed word, conveyed the anguish it still brought him. _Was she really back with him? Did he get to see her everyday? Did he get to tell her everything he realized he never said? Spend every day making up for those minutes he had failed her._

She smiled weakly at him, "I'm here Jason," she walked over and covered his hand, "and I need you to know, you've always been the best brother a girl could ask for. You have never let me down. I wouldn't listen to you, I wouldn't leave Nikolas and I don't regret that. I don't regret standing by him. What Helena did, you guys were **not **responsible." She gave him another watery smile, "Okay back to what I know. Sam left a few weeks after Diego, she found out about Dani and she just wasn't sure of anything, let alone Lucky's true feelings for her. She came back that summer, Lucky found her at Alexis's house," Emily made a face, "actually it was Ric that sent Lucky," she made another face, "but you probably didn't need to know that." She sighed, "Liz was pregnant, Sam was pregnant, Lucky…" she shook her head, "Lucky did his best to honor his vows and be there for all of his kids." Emily laughed, "You and Brenda actually got together on a road trip to rescue Spinelli and Maxie from a cult," she laughed again.

"What?"

She continued chuckled, "He got his PI license and apparently he thought that meant he was qualified to go rescue some poor girl that got mixed up with them, and of course Maxie had to go along," she shook her head as brown eyes twinkled from the amusement that always came from hearing and telling the story. "So of course, Brenda had to go with you to rescue them and there was a really bad summer storm, the road was flooded and doubling back was…." She shook her head remembering she had a lot of time to cover, "Long story short, you and Brenda 'completely and utterly wasted'" she air quotes the words Brenda always used to describe them that night, she probably didn't need to tell Jason that as Brenda described it the amount of booze they had consumed that night would have guaranteed a hangover for two days minimum if they hadn't had so much mind-blowing sex that they worked it off, which as she always told Brenda was entirely too much information.

"And she got pregnant?" what month were they into in her story? September was still technically summer, that would fit with June 4th birthday Brenda had given for Garrett.

"Uh no," Em's face scrunched up, "you just had mind blowing sex, swore never again to the next morning and then kept at it anyway." She shuddered, "Geez I can't believe I just told my brother he had mind-blowing sex."

He looked a little put off by the statement as well.

She shrugged, "I guess you guys were just friends with benefits, but I mean, I don't think the rest of the town saw it that way since you guys were always together and had been even before…" She shook her head, _this was not a topic she needed to be thinking about_. "When Robin and Patrick decided to give their relationship another try, Brenda moved out," she frowned and realized she'd missed that part of the story, "Robin got pregnant that Christmas, Brenda came home, bought a house, Robin moved in with her. She sold them the house and moved in with you." She frowned, "I think my story's out of order. I'm confusing you aren't I?"

"Not much has made sense today."

Emily shook her head, "Okay," she shook her head once more and composed herself as she sat on the corner of Jason's bed. "Whole text message killer thing resolves."

_It was odd to hear her refer to it so lightly._

"Brenda comes home, moves into the house, ours," she frowned, "Mom's. You guys act like you do."

"What do you mean?"

"Strangers on the street definitely would have not been surprised by the fact you were a married couple or a formerly married couple. You and Brenda have _occasionally _been known to act like a couple of five year olds."

"Didn't you just say Brenda and I bring a normalcy into our lives."

She smirked looking at him, "Hey I never said who's version of normal it is. You're drama free on all major fronts, I mean normally you two are the united front. Where you go on vacation, which school the kids go to, you're in complete agreement, what pizza topping…" Emily laughed.

Even Jason smiled.

Emily's smile fell, "Liz…" she pouted and sighed yet again, not wanting to hurt her brother, "she loved you and when she saw you with Brenda and Lucky had been try to convince Sam that he really did love her and wanted to make their relationship work…" She briefly glanced away, "When Sam left, it was pretty quick, pretty harsh, Lucky was really hurt and Liz was really hurt and…" She guiltily looked away, "She'd really loved Lucky…I mean, they had all these things that came between them that they had no control over," she forcefully looked back, "I mean if Helena hadn't taken Lucky when we were kids…" she shook her head in anger, not just for her two best friends, but herself. "You know Liz…" her voice trailed as she remembered.

_"I didn't mean to look…" Elizabeth's voice trailed off._

_Emily looked back mid-laugh at two guys that had randomly broken into dance trying to embarrass their girlfriends at Jake's. It was their first time out since she had returned, the majority of it had been spent with drunken, 'I'm so happy you're okay,' 'I missed you' and 'I'm so happy to be home.' So the 'I didn't mean to,' certainly caught Emily's attention. She waited a moment._

_"I was putting some files on Kelly's desk," Liz shook her head along with her beer. "And I don't know if I bumped her pile or if it just caught my eye, but there was Sam's file." She looked over at Emily with a bittersweet, wry expression, "You know I thought everything would work out somehow with Jason. I thought that if people knew and it wasn't a secret, then the four of us would be a family. But you know," she lifted her mug slightly at Emily, "that morning it had been five days; five days and the entire town knew that Jake was Jason's son. I went into Kelly's to get my normal coffee and muffin and he and Brenda were sitting there having breakfast and he barely acknowledged me. Me," she got outraged, "the mother of his child. Acted like I didn't exist." Her mouth remained open in shock. _

_Emily waited with baited breath, hoping her friend wasn't going to say what she it sounded as if she was going to say. _

_"I couldn't help myself," her head gently shook and her hands dropped the mug down to the table, hands remained cupping it. "And there it was. Lucky was going to have the child he always wanted and Jason didn't want his anymore." She made a face, "Little did I know he still wanted Jake, just not me." She shook her head. _

_"Liz…" god what did her friend do?_

_"I kept remembering how good Lucky and I had been," her head rocked gently, "we were so good. And there he was chasing after Sam like a dog in heat and she wouldn't give him the time of day…" Her head shook. "Then the next thing I know Lulu is telling me how Sam left town and how she was really worried Lucky was going to do something stupid." A breath of air forcefully left her nose, "And Jason," she shook her head. "He'd just been at the hospital with Brenda, who was showing off his stitches to Robin, like she owned him. They were laughing and fighting over some stupid bookcase he was trying to build at her house, how he barely noticed the cut and Brenda almost passed out." Her eyes clenched shut, "It's not like I sought Lucky out, but…" _

_"Oh god Elizabeth," Emily's mouth remained open._

_"You know the worst part, the day after Lucky and I slept together, Jason asked if he could spend time with Jake. With me and Jake." Her head shook, in shock and pain, "But it was too late for us. If you saw his face when I told him I was pregnant with Lucky's baby." Her head shook, "You know Lucky at least wanted to raise Jake after he found out he was Jason's. He wanted to raise Cameron. Jason said congratulations and that was it," the words slowly drawled out. "Congratulations, I'm sure Lucky's excited." Her head shook violently, "I destroyed my marriage for him. I made it so Lucky could never look at me without seeing the person who lied to him for over a year about his son…" _

_"You married Lucky and never told him Sam was pregnant?"_

_"She left," Elizabeth shrugged, "how was I supposed to know what she was doing? If it was even Lucky's."_

_Emily knew her friend didn't mean to sound callous, but…_

_"She leaves then she comes back and plays martyr because Dani always has a cold, or she's had an asthma attack." Liz shook her head, "You know I'm sure Sam didn't intentionally cause her daughter's illness, but she made Lucky miss our trip out to California for Sarah's wedding. And double pneumonia, while Lucky and I are on our long awaited honeymoon?"_

_"She was in intensive care."_

_"A week after she got out, Lucky packed up his things and moved out."_

"Liz just wanted to get back what she and Lucky had once," Emily shook her head and left out details she had promised to never reveal.

"Because she thought I was with Brenda."

"Partly," Emily nodded.

"So Brenda moved in with me? Where was Spinelli?"

"Sharing a house with Maxie and a few others," she stopped short of going into detail.

"So Brenda and I lived together alone, but we were friends with…" his head nodded.

Emily smirked, "You know that's the weird thing. Mom didn't know when that changed between you guys, she said that you guys just started acting more and more like a couple, but when you guys moved in together, you kept separate rooms." She smiled, "Brenda said she kept having these weird inklings that she loved you, but that she'd ignore it, then one day you were pulling down the bowls for your breakfast as she got the cereal, working as this silent, natural team that she realized she loved you and it wasn't going to stop."

"Did I…" he shook his head. "Do I…"

"Love Brenda?" Emily prompted.

He nodded.

"You really do," she smiled. "I see it with my own two eyes every day." Her smile fell into a softer more nostalgic one, "You know you had to tell her first," another lost smile, "probably isn't my place to tell you, but the last thing Brenda would do was admit that she loved you. You finally told her when you weren't sure if she was sleeping or not. According to Brenda, you caved first just so you guys could stop having sex every night."

_"No seriously, sex was the only reason we were sharing a bed."_

_"Ugh too much information," Emily fell to the side covering her ears._

_She laughed and ignored her, "It was either Jason said the words or every night for the rest of our life we were going to have to do something, just so we could sleep together." She shook her head, "Seriously, I'm pretty sure the only reason Jason told me was because he'd just had a really long at the garage and was completely pooped afterwards." _

"I saw it the day I came home, you guys were on the tarmac when I deplaned and you were holding hands," she once more got lost in the memory. "You guys kept hugging each other that day and touching, like you always wanted to be sharing your joy. I don't know how it started off Jason. I don't know if you were just a stand in for Sonny and Jax, if she was for Sam and Elizabeth. But I know that you guys are happy and in love. I really thought Sam was…" her head shook, "**it** for you. You always were trying to go out of your way to make things perfect for her, things to make her happy. With Brenda, it's like you two don't even seem to try. You just….Click."

"I was in love with Brenda," the words slowly slid from his lips trying to imagine it. There was something between them, he could admit that, it hadn't been as difficult living with her as he may have made it out to be. It had been trying, she had been exasperating, but it had been quiet after she was gone. He was always waiting for someone to flop on the couch next to him, to steal his food from his hand, to come bounding into his room and jump on the bed with a piece of 'hot gossip.' Her kept her room for her and waited for her to come home. And she had. And apparently she had given him the family he had always wanted.

"More than you can imagine," Emily whispered. "You know I know she's strong Jason, but Brenda-"

"Is my wife," he stopped her.

"Yea," she nodded.

"I have been married to her before," he pointed out.

"Not when she was in love with you and used to you returning it."

He just nodded.

"So you know, you and Brenda," she waved her hands, "you bought a new garage. Brenda was working with Lucy again. You found out that Nikolas had been receiving experimental treatments from Ian Devlin and you confronted the good doctor, and apparently got talked into talked into trying your own."

She looked sweetly at him, "You said it make you _feel_. All of these things that you hadn't really been able to connect with since the accident, you started to feel for the first time. Problem was Jason, there were a lot of things in that decade that you had to re-feel. Your behavior and your moods became erratic and what started as a slight memory trickle apparently hit you at full force one day. You uh…."

She closed her eyes, "It was too much Jason." She shook her head, "You were on your bike, then the next minute you weren't. It was a miracle you even lived." She shook her head, "No one had any idea what had been going on with you. You'd tossed Brenda's stuff out of her room earlier that day and she fought with you, said she wasn't going anywhere, so you just left."

She looked up and let out a long breath, "Tossed your keys at her and told her if she wouldn't leave then you would," mournful brown eyes connected once more with his, "She was at the hospital with Robin when you were brought in." Her eyes closed, "Dislocated your shoulder, you broke your arm in two places, fractured half of your ribs, your leg has a couple pins in it, they almost had to remove your spleen because of the bleeding, you were in surgery twice to stop the internal bleeding." Tears fell from her eyes and she covered her brother's hand, "Then you woke up and…"

"And what?" he questioned.

"I don't know really," she sat back and wiped away her tears, "not something either of you really like talking about." She shook her head, "You kiss me on the head and tell me you got over it. That she thankfully ignored you and you guys got through it. According to Mom you told her to go to hell more times than she could count." A long exhale of breath, "I think Mom and Grandfather always imagined if you ever remembered that you'd just be the old Jason." She smiled again, "Threw a bedpan at AJ when he walked through the door," she laughed, "of course Brenda told me you guys followed it up with hugging and crying for a…" she scrunched up her face, "probably should have stopped at the bedpan."

He nodded, "So my life worked out for everyone but Liz."

Emily sighed again, "She was married Jason, she was having a baby with Lucky. You falling in love with Brenda wasn't disrespectful to anyone. You guys made a good life for yourself and Garrett." She smiled again, "Mr. GQ. He is so awesome and he and Jake love each other, they're best friends."

"Why isn't Jake with Elizabeth?"

She shook her head slowly, still trying to figure that out. "Before I came back, Sam's little girl Dani was in the hospital, she's had a lot of respiratory issues due to her premature birth, apparently that was it for Liz and Lucky."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged, "Lucky didn't leave Sam, Jason."

"He was still in love with her," Jason nodded.

"He told Liz, that it was best for everyone."

_"Best for everyone can you believe that?" Liz shook her head, the shopping bags she was carrying swung with her as she told the story to Emily during a shopping excursion to replace the wardrobe that had long since been donated to charity. _

_"Lucky's been in love with you since we were teenagers," Emily replied with a face, Lucky leaving Elizabeth hadn't been an option she would have expected once they figured out how to get back together. _

_"He swore things would be different this time. That it would just be us and our family. No one like Sarah or Sam would come in between, no drugs, no jealousy and then he just leaves," she shook her head and stopped in the store's entry, "that he was going to pack that night and tell the kids in the morning."_

_"That doesn't seem like Lucky," not after the unstable life he had lived with his parents. _

_"I wouldn't have thought it either. I mean do you think a toddler can understand why her daddy doesn't tuck her in anymore? But he's tucking another little girl into bed and telling her stories."_

"He left Liz for Sam and their daughter," Jason slowly nodded.

"I think…I think he left for himself, he realized that he and Liz no longer had what had made them special and that they'd spent enough years trying to get back what they had lost years ago."

_"I love her Em," he said staring at the door Sam had just exiting through, making a hasty retreat so Emily and Lucky could be alone._

_She didn't say anything._

_"I know you're one of Liz's best friends and I know I was never the husband I promised to be to her when we were kids."_

_"You mean thinking you were in love with her sister? Doing drugs? Sleeping with Maxie Jones?"_

_"I screwed up Em," his head shook slowly, "maybe we should have gotten the hint from that awhile before we finally did."_

_"No Lucky," her head violently shook "maybe that's a sign you should have kept it in your pants because it's just another thing you're going to beg Liz to forgive, the next time you try talking her into taking you back."_

_He looked stunned and swallowed hard at his best friend's harsh comments. "I love Sam, Emily. I'm not going back to Liz this time. Liz knows that."_

_"You guys have a life, a family."_

_"They're still my family, but Sam and Dani are my family too."_

_"I can understand that you'd feel guilty for-"_

_"It wasn't that I felt guilty!" he snapped. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face as he saw her shocked reaction. "I'm sorry, I…" He looked up again with mournful eyes, "I loved Liz, I love Liz, I wanted to love her the way I had for the rest of our lives, but…She fell in love with Jason, Em. And I saw Sam…Her beauty, her imperfections, her over-enthusiasms over the stupidest things," he smirked, "her insecurities and I loved them all. I don't know if I'd have ever seen her, if I hadn't been forced to, but I did and I couldn't take it back. I spent years trying to."_

_"Maybe you didn't try hard enough," she defended, needing them to still be the same. Needing them to have worked it out. _

_"We did Em," he said walking over and cupping the sides of her arms, "but we both fell in love with different people and nothing we could do, could make us fall in love again because we weren't the same. We stuck it out for a really long time for the kids, but-"_

_"But what?" she quietly questioned, desperate for an answer that would heal the hurt in her heart. _

_"I don't know," his head shook slowly, "maybe I'm not that selfless, maybe I knew if I wasn't happy, I couldn't make them happy, maybe I couldn't stand seeing Liz spend her life in a relationship like ours."_

_"Maybe it was Sam you couldn't stand not having what she wanted."_

_He gave her a watery smile, "I couldn't be apart from her another day. If losing you taught me anything, it was that we need to be happy when we can. I fought it, just like I know you're fighting it with Nikolas, but in the end Em. In the end you just have to take it and hold on," he pulled her in close for a desperate hug. _

"None of this explains why Liz isn't with her kids."

Emily sighed, "Things got pretty nasty between Lucky and Elizabeth. Think they would have gotten better with each divorce instead of worse. You and Brenda already had Jake a decent amount of time just because of Liz and Lucky's work schedule. You guys would always bring the kids into work."

"I brought them to a garage?" He had taken Michael with him to the garage as an infant, but he couldn't imagine trying to keep up with a young child trying to explore dangerous equipment.

Emily's eyes widened, "You didn't keep the garage for long."

He knew this wasn't critical to the moment, but he couldn't help himself from cautiously asking, "What do I do then?"

Another pained face, "You work for ELQ Jason."

He truly was trapped in a nightmare.

"Jase," she quickly began seeing his face, leaning forward, placing a hand on his leg. "It's really not as bad as it seems. I mean, since ELQ reacquired Deception and it merged with Jax Cosmetics they moved into the building and Brenda does a lot of the creative/advertising stuff downstairs in this big office with this sliding screen, so the kids can have privacy and naps, you and AJ share an office so next door is just a play room for the kids and there's still the daycare in the building and you guys share a nanny." She sighed, "God I'm not making this any better am I?"

"Just get back to what happened with Liz," he could quit a job.

"In addition to the time you guys already had Jake while Liz was working, you decided that the three days a week Lucky had Cam and Lori that you and Brenda would take Jake."

"I decided?"

She shook her head, "I don't know Jason. I mean it made sense for you to have Jake when Lucky had Cam and Lori, he loved being with you. It was only 2 more nights a week, since you guys already kept him one night a weekend."

"Nothing I've heard has sounded like it was only 3 days a week."

Emily's eyes closed, "Liz made a bad judgment call."

"What?"

"She'd just gotten off work, it was almost nine, she'd gotten stuck late. She needed to go to the store, she had the kids in the car and Lori fell asleep and Jake was cranky too because it was past his bedtime." She sighed again, "She was just going in for a few minutes…I know it's no excuse Jason, but you know, it was the end of a long day, she missed dinner with her kids at Audrey's because someone called in sick…"

"She left three kids alone in a car?"

"I know…"

"That doesn't sound like Liz."

"She was stressed and in a rush and…" her head bobbed with knowing what an asinine act it was. "The kids were fine, but someone saw them in there, called the cops. Mac's department isn't exactly the kind that let's things go just because you're related to a cop. The judge gave her a lecture, assigned a social worker…"

"Anything could have happened to them," his love for Elizabeth paled in comparison to his love for his son and his well-being.

"I know Jason, but you know she was stressed and the week before-"

"What happened the week before?" his voice unyielding.

"I don't know Jason, no one really knows. Liz said it was Lucky's day for the kids, Lucky said it was Liz's…" Her head shook in the futileness of trying to figure it out. "Cam and Lori went to an afterschool daycare, unless one of them had the afternoon off. Liz refused to allow Cameron and Lori to be left alone with Sam, she wasn't even allowed to pick up the kids unless Lucky was standing next to her. One day, their pick up time rolled around and no one came, they waited 15 minutes before they started calling. House phones, cell phones, no one picked up, even Audrey was out of town. About an hour later, they call the station, turned out Lucky was on a stakeout. They get a hold of him, he gets a hold of Sam and calls the daycare to let them know it was okay to send the kids home with her. Tobey Stewart was on duty," she stopped for a second, "he's a friend of Lucky's, came on the force back in '09, swung by the daycare the moment they got the call. He was there when Sam arrived and he was promising Miss Eddy that there was no chance of it ever happening again before she kicked them out for being an hour and a half late in their pick up." She sighed and the story stopped.

"What?"

"Liz showed up Jason," her head shook slowly. "She'd apparently left her phone in her car…She wasn't too pleased to see her children in the back of Sam's car and made sure everyone knew." Her head shook some more. "Tobey came down to try to intervene. Liz said a few things about Sam and Lucky and even whose side Tobey was on. Then Sam accused her of drinking, Liz went to go get the kids…Uh…Sam got in between her and them and…"

"Liz had been drinking?"

"We don't know," her head shook again. "Tobey didn't do a breathalyzer, but he, Sam and Miss Eddy, all swear they smelled it on her, but…" Em was quick to point out, "Liz never denied that she had been at Jake's and it's not hard to smell like booze even if you aren't drunk. I mean a beer or two…"

"That little…group you always went out with, they didn't know how much she'd had to drink?"

"Leyla was the only one out with her and that had been at 5, she'd only stayed for a beer…"

"I assume Sam didn't let Liz take the kids."

Emily's head shook, "Tobey took Liz home, Sam took the kids. Alexis and Diane instituted a strict written agreement. Schedules were shared via email at the start of the week, so a screw up like that could never happen again."

"Then Liz leaves the kids alone in the car?" he didn't want to ask Emily's opinion as to who was to blame over the previous incident, he didn't want to know.

She nodded, "You set up a grocery account for at-home service. All the basics were set automatically to come, so Liz could never run out of milk or lunch meat and she could add on any extras."

"That's all?"

Her eyes closed for a moment, "You were furious Jason, but I think a part of you felt guilty. You gave her money, you gave her a car, but you couldn't give her you. Brenda decides she needs milk at 2am, you're running out to get milk. Liz was working, taking care of the house, taking care of the kids, getting them off to school on her own, and trying to re-establish a social life."

"What else?" his words were blunt.

"It wasn't good Jason."

"Just tell me."

"An Easter picnic at Donaldson Park. Liz loaded the kids in the car, but she stayed out to talk to a friend. Cameron and Jake started to goof around…" her eyes closed again.

"What happened?" he didn't have time for her anguish.

"The car went into a tree. There was a slight hill, the impact wasn't too bad, but the boys didn't have their seatbelts on and they were in the front seat." Her head shook. "Mom's do it all the time Jason, keys in the ignition so the kids can listen to the radio."

_That didn't make it right._

"The boys ended up pretty bruised, Cameron actually broke his nose, they had minor burns from the airbags…"

"And the court took away her custody," Jason finished.

"Temporarily," she confirmed, "you've made it pretty clear though Jase that, while you're willing to talk visitation in the future, you'll fight her on custody."

_And win. The Quartermaine money talked._

"Last Easter?"

She nodded.

"Why haven't the courts returned custody yet?"

She sighed.

He hated sighs.

"Sometimes I wonder if it was anyone else but Sam. It's like there's just this block up from six years ago. Liz is so sure, it's revenge against her. For sleeping with you, for having your baby." A slow sway of her head in true sadness for her friend, for all those involved. "Liz and Sam could never get along. For years they had this fragile truce because of the kids, but when Lucky left Liz…Liz was hurt, Sam was defensive. It pretty much stopped by the time they the divorce proceedings started because it would hurt their case, but…"

"Sam told me they were fighting yesterday," Jason added.

"That doesn't surprise me. The courts left Liz with only supervised visitation, a lot of small things came out and the issue at the daycare because there was a chance she could keep custody otherwise."

"So they attacked her."

"Alexis and Chris," she stopped, "your lawyer, were doing what they thought best for the kids. Maybe Liz _was_ too involved in what was going on in her personal life to take the kind of care of them that they needed."

He remained silent; he had helped steal Liz's children from her.

"She had to take parenting classes, attend AA meetings, she wasn't allowed to drink 12 hours before her visitation times, meet with a therapist…I mean every aspect of her life was analyzed."

"Then what?"

Emily's eyes dropped, "She lost it on Sam at the Metro Court."

"What do you mean lost it?"

"We were meeting for dinner, Sam was already there having a business dinner, I tried talking Liz into going somewhere else, but the last thing Liz…." Her head shook. "We could see them from our table and I couldn't get Liz to stop looking at her. They started looking at pictures on Sam's phone and Liz started fuming. Then when Sam got up to take a phone call, Liz got up before I could stop her. She had decided they were real family values kind of guys, there wasn't any alcohol on the table, they weren't hitting on Sam…So she…"

"Wanted to make sure they knew who they were doing business with," _this sounded like Carly not Liz._

"There were a lot of witnesses around Jason," her head nodded a single time, "they all saw Liz attack Sam's character without provocation and I mean she got into it. Sam rushed back over, Liz kept going, Sam tried keeping her cool and save her meeting, but that just pissed Liz off more. She threw water in Sam's face. I pulled Liz back and…"

_A single low laugh as Sam wiped the water off of her face, smirking down at her ruined dressed before looking up at Liz, "You're pathetic. You can call me whatever names you want, it's not going to change that. All you're doing is proving that to the city, proving what Lucky already knows."_

_Liz broke free of Emily's arms with one quick pull and charged._

"She ended up flipping Sam over a chair. A restraining order was placed, the judge refused to review Liz's case until she completed anger management classes as well. He decided that the kids had enough drama and that given the broad range of issues to be resolved that he wouldn't hear the case again until after they were done with school for the year. It was January Jason; that would mean she would be without her kids for over a year."

"And even then it would still be a fight," he whispered, had he pushed her to the final confrontation.

"You and Lucky never said it outright. You both told her you wanted her to be their mother again. You both just wanted Liz to get her life together."

"But she would have known," a soft voice and a low nod.

Emily gently nodded back. "I think that's why she ran with the kids. When Sam fell, she knew no judge would take kids out of a picture perfect family. I think she'd really believed that Lucky was going to come back, like he always had until she found out about the baby. She finally had to admit her marriage was over Jason." Her head shook, "I know she never meant to hurt Sam, you know her and you know she'd never risk a baby's life. It probably happened so fast and she knew that she'd never see her kids again."

"How'd she get Jake?"

"You and Brenda had a pretty lax schedule with her, as long as it wasn't a mealtime or bedtime, she could come over and visit with Jake. Brenda didn't think twice when she came over and said she wanted to take Jake out to practice on his bike. You were up in the nursery, I think they were swings this time," she looked slightly distracted at all of the projects Jason had been put to work on. "Brenda was in the kitchen with Gar making dinner. You came downstairs and asked where Liz and Jake were; you'd looked out the window and hadn't seen them. Her head shook, "You both went outside and you were calling for them, Garrett came with the phone it was Lucky telling you that Liz had attacked Sam and taken the kids."

"What then," his heart was sinking to levels he had never imagined, not with Liz.

"Liz's SUV was in your name, you had it hooked up to the same navigation system as yours, so they were able to get her location and you went after her. Brenda called me and AJ, AJ went after you." She sighed, "Thank god he did Jason; I don't know if you could have gotten all the kids out in time if he hadn't. The Craig River is pretty wide, thank god we've had a dry winter."

"How's Cameron?"

"A little bruised, he's got a pretty nasty cut, but you heard Sam, he'll be fine. Lori as well."

"Liz is in jail," he stated it simply and looked away. He looked back a moment later when he realized Emily had said nothing, not even a sound.

Brown eyes were open wide in shock, "They couldn't find Liz."

"What do you mean?" his voice flared with rage. "You said that AJ and I went in after them." _No! No, Sam had made her seem okay. _

"And you got the kids out without a problem," her head shook quickly. "You were swimming Cameron across to AJ and when you turned back for Liz she was gone. AJ said you'd told her to stay, the car wasn't completely submerged yet, but there was no Liz…" Her head slowly shook, "We think she must have tried to swim after you."

"You kept diving looking for her, but it was already dark. AJ swam Cameron to shore and tried to get higher to see if he could spot her, the Carlinville PD arrived, but it was only two cars, they had their lights shining on the river from the bridge, one of the officers stayed with the kids on the shore and the other was like AJ trying to spot Liz from the side...Lucky arrived, he went into the river with you, when AJ saw you start to go under, he tried to get to you."

"He hit a rock," his voice was flat, emotionless.

Emily nodded, "Lucky pulled you out, the cop pulled AJ in, he got pulled downstream a bit."

"But no one pulled out Liz."

"The place was flooded with rescue crews, but it was already so dark Jason. The light's barely been out for an hour, they can still find her alive. I mean for all we know she pulled herself out of the river downstream." She smiled encouragingly, "I mean you remember when Carly's car went into the water."

He remained silent.

There was a light knock at the door before it pushed open. He looked up to see Brenda's tentative face as she carried a tray.

"I brought breakfast up, told the nurse you were more likely to starve than eat rubber eggs."

He just stared at her guarded expression. The reason he had lost Liz was standing before him.

* * *

**Holy crap that was long. Now is everyone more confused or less?**

(feel free to tell me all the places, I used the wrong female name because I kept finding them every time I read through :-P)


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Okay so I don't do the readjusting of years like damn soap people do. Jason came on the screen at 16 (he was a junior) in 91 (you know when he was supposed to have been under 10 technically :-P). However they had Brenda turn 21 in 95 (I'm thinking they had that happen to him as well…And seriously you have no idea how much work I just put into finding that out. Oddly enough youtube, gave me the month of Brenda's birth). Apparently they made Jason 26 in 99 (another year lost), but I'm going to ignore that. They can't keep aging people when one day can last 3 weeks in the soap world! Aaaah seriously, he has 2 different birthdays according to where you look. Luckily not important to the story, but umm you guys had to hear my frustration. Oh and yea I don't care about any of those little sorased kids. Brooke, Michael…Well luckily, they don't matter at ALL in this story. :-P

This chapter yet again got away from me. I don't know how exactly I got Jason talking to Kevin. He _was_ going to go get his tests done and come up and watch the news and get another perspective of the past five years, but well, guess that's the next chapter…

**Umm, as always, I hope you don't hate and thanks for reading.**

_PS- Quite possibly a ton more errors in this, running my computer in safe mode, meant I started out having to write this in wordpad (meaning no spell check) and even now that word is magically running again, it's seriously wonky (scrolling issues), so I probably didn't go through it as many times as I normally do (yes, be that scared I do miss 'have' instead of 'half' that often when things are running well :-P). _

* * *

**Part 5**

He felt something in him about to snap, but the second that followed he saw _her_ again.

Brenda.

He realized he wasn't angry at her, in fact looking at her, he wanted to comfort her. Wrap his arms around her as he had in the past, he doubted she would shove them off as she so often had. He hated seeing her like this, he hated being the reason for her pain, for the guarded look, the unease, every man he had ever seen her with had caused it. He himself had on a few occasions and that look made him feel like an ass faster than it could reach her eyes.

He was angry at himself, for having so much and leaving Liz without.

He loved her. He loved her compassion, her generous nature, the friendship she had always offered, and had always supported him with. He loved her for giving him Jake. The missing piece of his puzzle, the part of him that had been missing since Michael.

He hated himself for having it all. He didn't know the man he had become, but that man had more than he ever expected and he was pretty sure he was looking at the reason for it.

He couldn't hate her for giving him everything he had ever wanted.

"Thank you," he softly replied and did his best to smile. No one deserved to suffer more because of him.

She let out a weak one herself, "I got one of each so," she shook her head and walked with the full tray.

"You're not eating?" he questioned after briefly looking at the tray she had brought over to him.

"No, yea," her head shook, "I got enough for all of us."

"I'm picking first?" he questioned with a furrowed brow, before she could respond, his eyes shifted to study her, "Are you feeling okay?"

Her turn to furrow. "What? Yea." She shook her head.

"You're fine, but I'm picking first."

Emily finally caught on and snickered.

She was midway through a turn in confusion to look at Emily, _what she was laughing at_, when she scowled "Come on, I can be nice."

He chuckled, "No one's saying you can't. We're just wondering what you're going to do if I take the one you want."

Emily laughed again.

Brenda's head threw back with another frown, "Oh come on, I let-"

"I had to wear a wedding band that was too small," he cut her off.

Her eyes lifted up and away.

"Again? You're joking right? You didn't really pick out a second ring that didn't fit?"

Her eyes rolled, "Whatever, so it was too big. That's why they have jewelers."

"Ask her how long you had to wear your ring with tape on the back," Emily interjected.

"Hormones," Brenda quickly replied, "don't start."

Emily chuckled.

"You're not getting the French Vanilla coffee I picked up for you," Brenda laughed at her, "see what it feels like to go without caffeine." She focused directly at Jason, "Pick now or risk the pregnant woman's wrath."

He leaned forward with a slight grunt, causing Emily to dash to his side, her hand was on the bed's controls adjusting its back before he could lean back with the slightly sugary cereal he had chosen, healthy just enough to ensure it wouldn't be Brenda's first choice.

"Yea," Brenda nodded handing over Emily's coffee to her as she finished moving the hospital table over Jason's bed, "I think we all need comfort food." She placed the tray on the end table next to Jason's bed, grabbing the two other sugary cereals off of it, along with milk and spoons.

-x-X-x-

They spent the next fifteen minutes talking without the mention of his missing five years or Elizabeth's current missing status. Emily and Brenda instead took over the chatter, as Brenda occasionally huffed Emily's coffee and occasionally stole small sips of his orange juice. Their gossip was over Monica and the new boyfriend, whom apparently she had met while on vacation with them in the Caribbean in December and how Edward would react, if he returned with her next week. It kept the girls distracted and they ignored the elephant in the room.

The respite was all too brief in his mind. The simple act of watching his sister laughing and talking, over all too soon.

Kevin walked in going through his file, "Okay we've got you lined up for a PET along with a CT, but honestly," he looked up from the file, "I don't think we'll get any different readings from last night. Especially considering the timing of your memory loss."

"That I feel guilty over Liz," _that he did, it was an understatement though._

Kevin nodded and closed the file, "The timing of your last memory."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't remember me coming home," Brenda softly spoke.

He turned to her.

She smirked and looked down.

He had never needed to say it; his reaction to her pregnancy would have been severely understated if he had remembered her return to Port Charles. "When did you?"

"Couple hours after you were released, I went to the penthouse first."

He nodded. _She truly was the end of he and Liz, his mind knew it and was trying to erase it. _"So what now?"

"We run the tests," Kevin nodded, "if they don't show anything. I'm going to suggest you be released from the hospital. Whatever work we need to do, you'll be more comfortable outside of the hospital environment."

He nodded.

"How about I keep you company while Brenda gets some rest?" Emily brightly offered with a smile.

He didn't notice Brenda's frown at first, all he could see was Emily's bright face still covering the pain, trying to gently coax everyone into what she thought was best for them. He didn't realize how much you could miss something after such a short time gone.

_His sister. _

He realized he couldn't be trapped in a nightmare because of her presence alone, he would have given anything up for her and he was wondering now if he had. A conundrum, to be sure, which one was the nightmare? Right now or the past he had just left? Elizabeth or Emily. Life without which one was the nightmare?

"I'm fine," Brenda's quick defense knocked him out of his contemplation.

"She's right, you take the bed while I go get checked out," he groaned as he tried to quickly swing his legs out of bed.

Brenda was still struggling to push out of her seat as Emily was at his bedside. "Jason this isn't a race," she ordered.

"Good thing," he answered with a pained breath as his legs now hung over the side, "because even she's beating me," he nodded up to where Brenda now stood.

"Motivated," she nodded, "moved and I realized I really needed to pee."

Emily let out a low laughed and dropped her head down, showering her brother with the chestnut strands.

"Don't leave without me," she threw over her shoulder going into the bathroom.

"Nice to know she hasn't changed," he almost smiled.

-x-X-x-

Talking Brenda into laying down while he went with Emily and Kevin for tests hadn't taken as much convincing as it once would have. He doubted it was a mellowing from age, more of a sign of the true exhaustion she was suffering from. He had even easily talked Emily into rejoining the search for Elizabeth after a quick phone call from Nikolas informed them, no new developments had been made. Being left alone with a shrink, would be nowhere near as intrusive as a shrink paired with Emily and Brenda, when all his fragile psyche wanted to do was hide from the current state of his life.

"Feel like talking some more?" Kevin questioned his patient after all of the preliminary tests and questions had been asked as they awaited the PET scan.

"No," he quickly replied.

"You should be glad, I could have left you with Emily, Brenda and Lucy," Kevin smiled.

Jason didn't.

"It's a lot to take in, aside from Elizabeth. That's probably the easiest part to understand, after the losses you had just experienced-"

"Losing someone doesn't get easier because you've lost others."

"No," Kevin's head slowly shook, "I know it doesn't. But we can understand death. We've been taught death, on a certain level, no matter how painful it is, we expect it. We know no matter what we can't avoid it indefinitely. But having loved ones returned to us after their passing-"

"AJ isn't a loved one," another quick response.

"No," he directly looked at Jason, "that's right. You didn't accept AJ as your brother, if I remember correctly there was a period in which you only considered Emily and Lila your family. Though you eventually did forgive your parents correct?"

He simply held Kevin's gaze, refusing to yield anything.

"Did you ever wonder what a relationship with AJ would be like? Wonder if you could have done something different to change its outcome?"

"No."

"Really? You were estranged from your parents for a period after the accident, yet you eventually learned to accept them. Yet you never wondered if you could have done the same with your brother?"

"No."

"I somehow doubt that. There was a merging of personalities. If you truly hated him, you could have never forgiven him. Yet, I doubt there's a single person who knows you that wouldn't say AJ is your best friend. You've chosen to work with him, live near him and frequently socialize with him."

He glared at Kevin.

"Putting your tumultuous relationship with AJ aside. Your sister isn't dead."

The glare fell away as his heart broke, but it was once more quickly hidden.

"You're scared to death you're going to wake up aren't you? Scared you're going to wake up and scared you're not going to? You've got to be feeling pretty conflicted."

He continued to remain silent.

"What are you supposed to wish for? The death of your sister or the possible death of your son's mother?"

"That's not really up to me is it?"

"No," Kevin shook his head slowly. "This is reality; we can't do anything to alter past events. However that doesn't make your dilemma go away."

They stared some more.

"Why do you think it is you don't remember?"

Nothing.

"How do you feel about your marriage to Brenda?"

His eyes rolled slightly up for that, "I don't remember it?"

Kevin let out a short laugh, "The concept of it Jason. Suddenly being married to someone you have never had a romantic relationship with, must be quite perplexing."

"Don't most relationships start out that way." _All of his had begun as friendships. _

"Fair enough," Kevin smiled as he nodded, "however suddenly being remarried to your former spouse and having two school-aged children..."

"They seem happy, loved," he nodded. "She's a good mother. I always knew she would be."

"But did you ever expect her to be the mother of your children?"

"Obviously not," he snapped.

Kevin rubbed a hand down his face, _this was going well. _"So you're okay with being married to Brenda?"

"I've done it before," he shrugged and wished he hadn't as he was hit with a fresh wave of pain to hide.

The psychiatrist sighed. "Had you wanted Brenda to come home?"

"No."

The response was so swift; it surprised Kevin enough to look at Jason with a startled expression. "Yet you're okay with being married to her?"

"Diego was going after people close to me."

"That's right," Kevin's hand went up to support his head gently, cupping with a pointer and a thumb, the index resting over his lips, his head gently shook before the finger curled down, "you told her not to come back."

"Everyone did," he was facing Kevin, but his eyes were lost within him, seeing the doctor, but not truly seeing him.

"Before that did you want Brenda to come home?"

He looked back at Kevin, his attention once more outward. "No."

Kevin smirked, "You kept her room why then?"

His head shook, "She deserved better than Sonny or Jax."

"Better than you?"

"I didn't love her."

"Are you surprised a relationship developed between you two?"

He just looked at Kevin.

"Once you were both single are you surprised your friendship turned into something more."

"What's the point of this?"

"I don't know," Kevin shrugged and leaned back. "You tell me. What do you think you felt when you opened that door and Brenda was there?"

"What does that have to do with why I can't remember the past five years of my life?"

"There were a lot of people that wanted to help you after Emily's death; Brenda was the only one you allowed in."

"Trying to figure out if I was in love with her and not Liz?"

"Were you?"

"No," he hated talking. He kept his answers quick and short, hoping they would get him out of the hospital quickly without having to breakout because he wasn't sure he could at the moment and for Emily and Brenda's peace of mind, especially since he wouldn't get a moment's peace without them having it as well.

"Why do you think you ended up with Brenda and not Liz?"

"It wasn't safe for-"

Kevin cut him off, "The world knew about Jake."

Jason's mouth opened for a second before he spoke again, "Elizabeth needed me, more of me than I could give her. I wanted to, I wanted to give her everything, but..." his jaw tensed.

"But what?" Kevin prompted.

"Brenda wouldn't have expected anything."

"Such as marriage?" Kevin's head slightly cocked to the side, "Making a life with her, your son?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do." He leaned forward, "Do you think you should feel guilty? Because you leaned on Brenda instead of Elizabeth? That you were eventually able to have the type of relationship with Brenda that Elizabeth wanted with you?"

He remained silent.

"That you needed Brenda; that you couldn't be the person Liz needed and you couldn't need her."

His mouth opened to try to dispute that, but stopped as he wondered what was need and what was want, he had...he did want desperately to be with Liz, to be a family with her and Jake.

"Why do you think you ended up with Brenda?"

"Everyone else was married?" he replied dryly.

"Fair enough. Why get involved with each other? Why not remain single?"

He shook his head slowly and let his eyes close briefly; his headache had grown exponentially since waking up.

"You don't seem upset to find yourself married to her. I would assume that means you can find a reason to it aside from you were both single and she would make a good mother." His head cocked once more, "So tell me, why do you think you two got together?"

"It would have been easy," the words slid from his lips.

When Jason didn't say anything else Kevin prompted, "Because there were no expectations."

"I guess. You were actually there, why don't you tell me."

Kevin let out a brief puff of laughter before nodding, "Easy is the last thing I saw between you and Brenda when Robin called me in to consult on your case." He shrugged, "Maybe, you're right though, maybe that's how things started out between you."

"What did you see?"

"What you'd expect to see under the circumstances I guess," Kevin smiled. "Two desperate people, you'd lash out, feel guilty, she'd try to be understanding, though sometimes there would be several outbursts and Brenda….she'd strike back. You would either push her away or cling to her depending on the moment." He studied Jason for a moment; let him anticipate his next words, answering the question he had asked of him several minutes earlier, "You thought she deserved better than you."

"That makes sense."

"Though of course all of that was several months after Brenda returned to Port Charles, you were in an established relationship and within weeks you'd learn you two would be parents as well. That allowed you to shift your focus to the future, your outburst towards Brenda certainly lessened."

He once more didn't say anything. He could see what he had been told, he could see how he could have fallen into a relationship with Brenda, he could see how it could have worked; after all, she was the most persistent person he knew aside from Carly. He could see how it all could have happened, the good and the bad, he just couldn't understand how Jason Quartermaine fit into anything. He didn't know how he was supposed to be him. "Is he really back?"

"AJ?"

His head shook slowly, "Jason."

"Up until this morning, yes."

"I'm just blocking him."

"Not consciously, Jason. This isn't your fault and perhaps the CT-"

"You don't think it's physical."

"No," Kevin shook his head, "you're right. I don't. I think that possibly the traumatic loss of Elizabeth was too much for you under the circumstances, people frequently forget an accident, only my best guess is your mind saw the event, starting well before you found her car in the water. Sometimes people can lose hours, whole days, even weeks before an accident. Like not remembering when they got into the car before their accident, you saw Liz's accident starting to occur several years beforehand."

"If my mind is doing this to avoid feeling guilty, it didn't work."

"It may be Jason," Kevin leaned forward, "that your mind is doing this to protect the person you became. As Jason Morgan, you compartmentalized. You could move on from such events. Jason Quartermaine-"

"Put himself into the hospital when he realized what I had done."

"Let's just say had many issues regarding the path he had taken and those individuals, some would say what they got was just. Liz however -"

"Was a good person who had this happen to her because she slept with me."

"You did not drive that car off the bridge Jason," Kevin firmly informed him. "Just as you did not drive that car into a tree. Yet you still felt guilty for that."

"Really?" _Why for being stupid enough to try to help AJ?_

"Which is why I'm concerned this is memory loss is more similar to DID and you've taken on another personality to deal with an event you are currently unable to cope with. Elizabeth Webber, was a good person, someone who was your friend, you respected and loved, feeling responsible for such a loss, while you already have such trouble dealing other events. Your mind spent thirteen years as Jason Morgan. I think it made you predisposed to having something like this occur instead of the normal retrograde amnesia, we'd normally see."

"What does that mean?"

"Quite frankly Jason, it means, I'm not entirely sure how to treat this. This wouldn't be a classic case of DID because aside from the fact that your personality has been completely integrated for the past four years, nor is-"

"Cut to the point."

"My best suggestion would be what I said earlier to go home, be with your family and familiar things and hopefully this will resolve itself once your mind has had the time it needs to heal."

"That's it? Go home?"

"You experienced complete memory loss at age of 21 due to brain damage. Then at 33, the previously lost two decades of memories, abilities and functions associated with the damaged area were restored. Your brain has undergone such extremes that we have no similar cases to compare you to."

He had no idea what he was supposed to be thinking or feeling.

"Of course," Kevin said as he saw the younger man's hands on the arms of the wheelchair starting to push up on. "We'll still do the scans to make sure we haven't missed anything physical."

And back down Jason Morgan fell.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay so I totally cannot remember if I answered this in a PM, so if I'm repeating I'm sorry.

_IlovetowriteSMP:_

1) Story goes AU from Jason's hospitalization for his fingers after Diego tries to off Sam and Liz (damn him for failing, I would have been happy with that BEYOND horrific storyline). Everything prior to that is canon.

2) Jason regained his memories like a year after that due to some secretive treatment he received from Devlin.

_Anyone that needs a little help trying to remember what I've concocted with this fic:_

**Here is a simple little timeline/series of facts that relate to this story. Remember this story is 5 years in the future from the accident.**

Starting from 2008

February- Jason's accident/Brenda returns.

March- Sam leaves town pregnant, Lucky is unaware, Liz is not. Liz sleeps with Lucky, thinking that Jason has discarded her for Brenda. Jason makes a move to be a part of their lives after this has occurred.

April - Liz and Lucky remarry.

Summer - Sam returns. Jason and Brenda get together. Sam has a daughter, Dani.

Fall - Jason tries to uncover what Devlin is doing with Nik and ends up accepting treatment to undo the effects from his accident over a decade ago.

Winter - Liz has a daughter, Lori (still married to Lucky). Jason nearly kills himself as he struggles to deal with all he has done. Repeatedly tries to end his relationship with Brenda, but mostly stops when they find out they're going to have a baby. AJ returns with his daughter Rory (mother has not been named).

Summer (2009)- Brenda and Jason marry and have a son, Garret.

Somewhere in 2011- Lucky leaves Liz. After that Emily and Courtney return to Port Charles after being held captive by Helena. Courtney is the one to return to Nik after Emily steps aside.

2012 - Liz loses custody temporarily of her kids.

Currently in Winter 2013.

* * *

**Part 6**

"Stay," Kevin ordered as if to a dog, Jason had been coping relatively well and taking orders shockingly well, that of course eventually had to come to an end.

"Brenda's asleep."

Kevin's response to blink at the freakishly short answers Jason was currently supplying had been dulled over the last two hours. He was used to the man he could have a three hour discussion over the latest medical advance, a heated debate over something political when they barely paused for breath. He missed that man. He prayed he wasn't wrong about the outcome of this, he prayed that man would return.

"At least let me," the words, 'help you up' died on his lips as the other man pushed out of the wheelchair that had stopped just short of his door. That other man held in the groan, but it was visible on his face as his eyes nearly closed in pain. "You're not going to do anyone any good unless you take it easy Jason, but I mean if you want to stay in the hospital-"

"I know," the stranger before him snapped.

Kevin knew the other man did, the weight of having so many depend on him, "Take it easy Jason, I'll try to get us squeezed in earlier for the CT."

"Thanks," he nodded as his hand went to the door.

-x-X-x-

There was something almost sweet about Brenda when she was sleeping. Robin had commented on it first, seeing her asleep in Sonny's penthouse.

_'Kinda like a kid,' she smirked._

_He turned to her, awaiting the explanation she was sure to give, 'She looks like an angel. Maxie can cut off her doll's hair, flood the bathroom trying to take a bubble bath, send green goo flying out of the blender and fight me for an hour on going to bed, but the moment she falls asleep…She's the sweetest little thing you ever saw, even though you're still covered in green goo,' she let out a low laugh._

_'Certainly less trouble this way,' he quickly responded._

_'Admit it, she looks adorable,' she nudged his arm with her elbow. _

_He looked at her, curled into Sonny's couch, her hair in a mess of curls partially streaming around her face from a sloppy bunch gathered high on her head, no makeup, wearing jeans and a tee shirt. 'I guess.'_

He had seen her sleeping a lot of times since then. She had even slept in his arms. He knew her rest wasn't always peaceful, he'd held her after more than a few nightmares. Watching her now, he saw that same sleeping angel. He knew her rest this time was peaceful, in her dreams her family was fine, her husband was with her truly.

He walked towards her and resisted the urge to lay his hand next to hers on her swollen belly. His fingers itched from the urge. _Girls._ Kevin had let that slip, they were having two little girls; apparently he and Brenda were both thrilled.

They'd be beautiful. He knew that. Even without seeing Garrett, he would have known how breathtakingly perfect they would be because like everyone else he had never been able to deny Brenda's beauty, it was as if she had been purposely designed to turn heads, it all went flawlessly together, even an exquisitely placed beauty mark.

He watched her for awhile as the tv continued on low, the local channel, a replay of a local basketball event, he was guessing she had fallen asleep awhile before it began. He didn't pay attention to it though, instead his weary and rock battered body settled into a chair and continued to look at her and their children growing within and he allowed the thought, the fact to settle into his mind that **he** had fallen in love with Brenda. Garrett's existence was due to him and not the ghost of Jason Quartermaine that had haunted his entire existence.

It left the simple question of how had he so easily fallen in love with Brenda. A handful of months after he had been so sure he was in love with Elizabeth, he could still feel his love for her, even now, it was love, he was sure of it.

He could remember falling in love with Elizabeth. It began as friendship, respect, then it began to grow when he found out she was carrying his child. His love for Sam continued to be strong, but it was unraveling, the core that held them together was crumbling no matter what they did; the hurt and the betrayal at the end had left no future for them, it allowed him to see Liz a whole new light…How though had he seen Brenda differently?

Had it been as simple they had been stand-ins for those they couldn't be with?

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard the local news start until, "The search goes on this morning for Port Charles local, Elizabeth Webber," his eyes flew to the screen and the female reporter behind the desk, " whose car early yesterday evening plunged into the Craig River in nearby Carlinville, in what some are saying was a failed kidnapping attempt of her three young children, all of whom thankfully escaped the accident without serious injury," a small screen came up in the corner showing the bridge and river from the night before as the search crews descended on it. "It has also been reported that Deception model and soon to be stepmother to two of Ms. Webber's children, Samantha McCall was injured in an altercation that occurred prior to the accident. Jason Quartermaine, who currently has full custody of his son with Ms. Webber, was first on the scene, followed shortly by his brother, AJ Quartermaine and the two managed to swim all three children to safety, police are saying that they believe Ms. Webber must have tried to swim to shore once her third child was freed from the car because a witness reports seeing her clinging to her white Infinity one minute then realizing along with the two men that Ms. Webber had disappeared.

The brothers continued their search along with the Carlinville PD and Port Charles' own Lucas Spencer Jr. father to the two other victims of the accident, Ms. Webber's former spouse, until the brothers themselves had to be rescued, both transported from the scene in ambulances, AJ Quartermaine being released from the hospital late last night with a broken arm and his younger brother remaining in the hospital for a head injury, which we've been told is not life threatening."

The screen went full and her co-anchor turned to her, "Sadly this is not a shocking event is it Debra?"

"No, Mitch. In fact, many are wondering why more help wasn't given to Ms. Webber," the blonde nodded at her partner.

_Finally! _Jason thought with relief.

"From what we've heard and what our message boards have been saying, many wonder how she was allowed any access to her children after the past year."

Jason froze.

"The issue of custody has played out in the court of public opinion over the past year due to the high profile status of her youngest son's father, Jason Quartermaine, who holds the position of CEO along with his brother, along with Brenda Quartermaine's and Samantha McCall's well known status as Deception's Spokeswomen. In fact, Jacob Quartermaine has appeared along with his half brother and father in several national commercials for the brand."

_What?_

"And they've all appeared right here on WKOV, your local channel 8," Mitch plugged.

"That's right," Debra smiled at Mitch, "Thanksgiving two years ago, the entire family took part in our giving back series, helping out at a local food shelter. One wonders how that seemingly happy blended family turned into the viral video sensation that preceded this tragic event."

"Jason," Brenda's soft voice shocked him.

He instantly flashed down to face, staring up at him with sad eyes.

"Don't do this," she said simply.

"Sorry," he over eagerly reached for the remote, groaning but not pausing. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Jason," she repeated as he didn't return to her gaze.

He looked back down after the tv had been silenced.

"This isn't your fault."

He didn't say anything.

"Want to know what I did my first week back in Port Charles?"

He waited.

"Slept with Sonny. He was my future. Since I was 19. He was it. Somehow, he and I were going to work it out. I told myself I didn't want it, I didn't need it, but somehow I was sure, he and I were going to be."

He waited for more.

"And it was still there, this connection I spent years hating myself for screwing up-"

"You didn't-"

"I know it was both of us and outside force. My brain always got that, hearts though," she gave a sad smile, "they take a lot longer to catch on." She watched him for a second before continuing, "We snuck around for months, until finally I started to realize that it was…." She shrugged slightly against the sheets, "It wasn't right anymore. As much as I wanted it to be, as much as both of us wanted it to be, sometimes you only get that chance."

He tried to ignore how uncomfortable Brenda admitting that made him, _he was her husband. _

"Who knows maybe if we'd worked it all out the first or second or…" she smirked, "maybe it would have stayed right between us. Just like maybe if Courtney hadn't gone chasing after you or you and Sam hadn't left Hawaii…Things happen in relationships, things that change them even though you don't want them to. Some things are only right in a certain place and time. We weren't right for 16 years, then one day I couldn't understand how I made it without you." She watched him for a moment, that boy she had known since they were both sixteen, she still saw him; she had never stopped even when she wished she could. "Are you going to say anything?" she asked as she realized she'd made a heartfelt declaration of her love instead of simply consoling him about Elizabeth.

"You married me once to get Sonny to move on..." he gave her a look.

She smiled brightly, "Yea our brains that first night…"

He laughed unexpectedly, Emily's embarrassment over telling him what mind blowing sex he'd had while wasted.

"Not much in the way of higher thinking," she smiled.

"Emily, explained." He nodded, "Thank you for trying to make me feel better."

"This isn't your fault Jason," she repeated yet again.

"So I keep hearing," he looked back up at the tv screen to a five day forecast telling him it was too cold for Elizabeth to have survived unsheltered after an icy dip in the river. He looked back down at her as she remained quiet, saw the despair on her face. "Where is Sonny?" he asked ready to keep her mind occupied on anything but him.

"A tropical island is my guess," she shrugged, "he didn't exactly leave a forwarding address. Carly and the boys followed a few months later."

"Michael's gone?"

"I'm sorry," her eyes closed in pain, knowing the pain of that would suddenly be fresh to him.

"How long?"

"Two years this July. I'm sure they'll come back one day Jason, once Sonny can figure out how."

"Who was after him?" he asked emotionless.

"Feds," she said simply, knowing he wouldn't be surprised by it.

He turned his attention back up to the silent television.

-x-X-x-

He understood falling in love immediately now. Lunch with his sons proved he was capable of such a feat. They were funny, kind, and caring and brothers…Brothers as people always told him, Jason and AJ Quartermaine had been. He couldn't imagine anything being so horrible that it was worth forgetting them.

He was sad to see them go. Sad to stop seeing Brenda as a mother. Those last months before her accident, had finally seen everything she could be, everything she deserved to be, she wasn't as selfish and as self-centered as she made herself out to be, he had finally seen it for the mask it was. Saw the person she was behind the attitude. Seeing her with Jake and Garret, finally exposed that part of her: nurturing, caring, teasing…

He understood how he had so easily fallen for her; the problem was it had been at Elizabeth's expense.

* * *

Okay sorry, that was a cruddy chapter or well at least a cruddy end to the chapter, but seriously I just had no idea what to do with it. Next chapter sends them home though. So there will be some AJ, Courtney, Rory and Spencer, along with Jason's boys, including the one who is grieving and the youngest, who is reacting to all the emotions around him. Maybe a couple home videos too. Thanks for reading!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Part 7  
**

He wasn't quite sure how he talked Lucy and Kevin, mostly Lucy into allowing him to drive home, but he had. He'd also seen them bickering in his review mirror the entire time he was driving to the gated community Brenda had directed him to, which had begun with a quick listing of the address, but quickly followed with, 'No don't take that road…Lights are horrible…They've been tearing up the road…' He wondered if she had ever learned to shut up in the car aside from when she was sulking, he decided not to ask.

"Afternoon Mr. Q, Mrs. Q," the guard nodded as he pulled up.

He nodded back.

"Hey Joe," Brenda quickly offered.

"Glad to see you're doing okay," the guard smiled.

"Thanks," he nodded again.

"I'll let you two get home," he nodded yet again as he pressed the button allowing them access to the community.

Brenda waved back to the other car, she could see Lucy in her mirror making a 'call me' gesture, she chuckled at her crazy friend. Then she began to direct her husband of several years to the house they had lived at for the length of their marriage, both of which he held no recollection of.

"Nice place," he nodded. Streets and yards were clean, the houses different sized, colored and shaped tudors, some with fences, some without, a uniform community without being identical.

"Yea and great security," she nodded, he had originally liked that, "great vetting for who they let in."

"How'd we in?"

"Edward," she smiled. "This is us," she nodded toward the house as she reached up to open their gate through the remote located on her visor.

He turned in and went up the circular drive towards the house, if it could be called that, smaller than the Quartermaine's for sure, but by no means small. "Nice place," he repeated.

She looked at her house, her perfect house, which held her formerly perfect family, and then to her formerly perfect husband, she said, "It's amazing in the spring, the old owners planted the gardens based on scents, I opened the car door the first day and fell in love, I didn't even need to see the inside."

"You gutted the inside didn't you?"

"Gut's a strong word."

He laughed at her; it was nice to know certain things would never change. His money with Brenda….

"Courtney's here," she nodded at the luxury sedan he had parked behind as he helped Brenda out of the SUV, despite his own stiffness.

His formerly dead ex wife, only she had never legally been his wife because AJ had helped sabotage their marriage before he could sabotage it himself.

"Does she come over often?"

"More often when AJ's here. There's a whole blurry cousin line, it's going to be really confusing when they're old enough to date."

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"One of our sons is marrying Emma or I'm disowning them both."

He stared blankly at her.

"Robin's daughter."

"Where is Robin?"

"On a second honeymoon with Patrick," she said pulling out her keys as they reached the front door. "Things were really bad for awhile, but they're trying again," she nodded with a lost look in her eyes as she pushed open the door.

Jason was attacked by a bundle of white fluff. The small thing that resembled a cotton ball, kept yelping and jumping as high as it could go against Jason's legs.

"Bunny down!" Brenda scolded.

"Please tell me this is Courtney's," he looked at the thing in misery.

"Oh no he's all yours and he's really sensitive, don't worry Bunny, Daddy still loves you."

He continued to stare in horror as Brenda patted the dog on the head.

"Did it to yourself Jason, you let Jake look at the puppies in the window, then you caved and went in with him. You went out to run errands, you came home with no groceries and an 11 week old puppy," the fury still simmered in her eyes. "Garret was FINALLY sleeping through the night and you got a PUPPY. The memory thing, I can let slip, but if you dare bring another pet into this house before these kids," she pointed at her stomach, "are in school. I will make you wish for death and you know I'm capable of it."

He looked away to from his threatening wife, to the dog still begging for attention, he gave in and pet him despite the physical pain the action caused, "I don't think you need to worry about that Brenda."

"You're hurt. You haven't seen the full puppy dog eyes. I'm not kidding. Those kids took it easy on you today. I mean it, if you-"

"No more pets, I got."

"You better," she shook her head and walked away from her husband.

He followed after her because he had no idea what else to do.

She led him into a kitchen. It was bright, warm and inviting. Only he didn't notice that for longer than a second. He noticed AJ snapping away from Courtney as he'd been whispering in her ear, causing her to smile as she washed dishes.

"We weren't expecting you home so early," AJ said as he turned off the stereo.

Brenda ignored the elephant in the room, "Kevin worked his magic." She smiled, "You guys cooked?"

"Barbeque chicken pizza," Courtney smiled, "and there's a mac n cheese in the fridge."

"Thank you," Brenda smiled.

"Least I could I do," her hands nervously flared. She looked at her ex, who just continued to stare at her in confusion. They had never learned to be friends after she returned; it had just been too odd for them, at least for her. "How are you feeling Jason?"

"I'll be fine," he nodded.

"That's good," she brightly smiled and nodded.

"Kids are upstairs?" Brenda questioned.

"Yea," Courtney smiled again and nervously fumbled with the cloth she had used to dry her hands. "I think Rory has them all being her minions like normal."

AJ snickered at the thought of his daughter, "Thank god you're having girls, she has too much power."

Courtney laughed, forgetting for a second how uncomfortable she was, "Yes, except for she's your daughter so she adores power."

AJ smiled back at her.

Jason made a mental note to have a talk with Courtney the moment Brenda wasn't around, she couldn't have seriously forgotten what AJ had done because there was no way she could forgive that.

Courtney remembered again, the unease returned, "You know we can actually make that earlier movie, if you want to," she nodded at AJ. "We knew the boys wanted to see Jason, but if you want we can take them with us. We're going to see the new Pixar, what is it this time? Flying monkeys?"

"Just normal monkeys, saving their island from pirates," AJ nodded.

"Ugh," Courtney groaned, still smiling.

"We saw that last week, it wasn't too bad. You guys go ahead and have fun, we'll be fine," Brenda smiled.

"If you're sure," Courtney put the balled up towel down.

"We're fine," she smiled. "You guys go, have fun."

"Call me if you need anything," AJ told Brenda.

She laughed at him, "Why so you can tell Emily? How did you get dressed today?"

"Same clothing the nurse helped me into last night and I will be remaining in them until I can change myself."

She laughed at him, "Go have fun. Avoid reporters."

AJ rolled his eyes.

Just then a tumble of children crashed through the kitchen doorway. "Uncle Jason!" Cried the little girl in the pink princess dress leading the pack, her crown in hand as her blonde hair was plaited to the side. "You don't look at bad as Daddy, why were you in the hospital so long? Did they find Elizabeth? What's going to happen now?" Her questions fired off like shots as she hugged his side.

"I-"

"Sweetie," AJ said going to save Jason, "come on. I told you, when we know something we'll tell you guys."

"But-"

"Rory," he ordered.

She frowned.

"They didn't find Mom yet?" Jake questioned, dressed in a wizard costume, holding Bunny, who was now dressed in a Godzilla costume, on a leash.

"Not yet, baby," Brenda answered before Jason could, not that Jason could say those words.

"How'd she get lost?" Spencer in his jester costume questioned.

"Oh sweetie," Courtney said looking briefly in pain at Jake, before squatting down by her son, "I'll explain it over dinner okay?"

"Are we done playing yet?" Garrett questioned as he tried to scratch underneath his knight mask, the helmet only showing his eyes.

"Oh yea sweetie," Brenda said feeling sorry for her son, "we really need to get rid of this costume, can you even breathe in it?" She asked as she went to release the back of the helmet.

"It's the coolest one," Rory said with her blue eyes widening in disbelief.

"It makes my nose scratch," Garrett said instantly crushing his nose into his face as his mother unhooked him.

"You are such a baby."

"I am-" Garrett's voice began to rise in response to his cousin's taunt.

"Apologize and say goodbye," AJ ordered.

"We're going already? We just got Bunny dressed."

"Yes and the dog thanks me for saving him. Go put the toys away and get your stuff together."

She huffed and then ordered, "Come on," as she turned on her heel.

"Apologize," AJ called out after her.

"Sorry," she said with a sour smile to her cousin, then muttered, "toddler," under her breath.

"I heard that!" AJ hollered. "I'm supposed to have 5 more years until she's a teenager," he muttered under his breath as he went after her.

Courtney tried to hide her giggle, "I should go help him," she nodded.

Once they were out of earshot, Brenda lifted a finger and pointed at him, "Not a word Jason."

"He made her think she had a stalker," he countered quickly.

"Don't care," she shook her head and went to open the fridge to see what goodies Courtney had stashed in it.

"He-"

"Do not care," she turned and repeated. "Do you really think that Emily or Nikolas can deal with this right now? Their best friend just went missing."

"All the more-"

"I get that you don't currently like AJ, but he is our kids' uncle, Jason. Emily's brother, Monica's son and currently the only CEO ELQ has, unless you want to run it…" she threatened.

He remained stoic.

"AJ isn't the same person, Jason," she switched to a softer tone, "you can't push him any further right now."

"He's the one-"

"The one that went into the water with you, the one that went after you when you went under-"

"That doesn't change-"

"It changes everything Jason. He is your brother and as much as you hate him right now, that's how much you normally love him. If you're the one that turns him back to that bottle because that's what will happen right now if you tear Courtney away from him-"

"Fine," he angrily conceded.

She didn't stop. "You are the worst thing AJ has ever done, you experienced it all and you forgave him. That's what love does-"

"I said fine," he snapped.

"I'm gonna go check on them."

"Can I get Emily's number?" he wanted to check in and see what they had found in the past hour.

"Speed dial list is next to the phone, she's number 3. Your cell is probably in your car if you want that. Mac had it dropped off this morning, it's in the garage there's a key for it on mine. I think your keys are in the visor."

As he waited for Emily to pick up he pulled the keys out of his pocket. The SUV he drove over in had been Brenda's Porsche, there were still 3 more keys left. Maserati, Audi and Land Rover. If ever he needed proof that Brenda was his wife. At the end of his call to Emily, after finding out nothing new had been discovered in the past hour, she directed him with a laugh to the garage, telling him, she'd draw him a map later.

He couldn't help, but smile in approval as he turned the lights on to the room. An oversized four car garage, the back wall filled with every tool imaginable. Everything from tools needed for household repairs to fixing specialty cars. Two large SUV's, closest to the back wall, but he went towards the Maserati, since it was closest to the garage door and it would be his first choice if he had to go chasing after someone. Sure enough there was a cell phone on the passenger's seat. He opened the door and as he bent, in pain, to retrieve it he noticed the back seat. At first, he didn't even notice the custom job, all he saw were 2 booster seats and one car seat, then he remembered Maserati's only did 2 and 4 seaters. A five seater seemed even less likely than a marriage to Brenda. He poked his head into the Land Rover, not surprised to see that it seated seven and held a new car smell. He was about to be in a family of six, when yesterday it had been only him.

The Audi next to it further cemented that peculiarity, two infant car seats were already installed in the middle row and once more the back seat held two booster seats and a car seat. Did they have another child no one was telling him about? Or were they just undecided about which seat to have Garrett in?

"We found him," he heard shouted in unison from the doorway, he turned to see his sons paused there.

"What are you guys doing down here?" he asked as the two boys came towards him, once more in a flurry.

"Mommy's 'posed to stairs," Garrett beating his brother.

Jake frowned, turned and stopped what he was about to say, "She's opposed."

"That's what I said," Garrett shrugged his shoulders.

Jake sighed and turned back to his father, "You aren't going anywhere are you?" His voice held a mixture of hesitation and worry.

"No," Jason shook his head, "I just left my phone in the car," he automatically showed it to his son.

"Good," Jake nodded.

"Let's go back in," he nodded at his sons.

He left his sons downstairs with a drum set and cymbals, after they promised him they had permission to stay downstairs and Jason was pretty sure his head would explode with the first clap.

He saw Brenda working at a laptop, sitting at the kitchen table against the far wall of the kitchen, a small seating area with a television sectioned it off from the cooking area.

"Thought you ran for it?" she said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"I was trying to figure out why there were 2 booster seats and a car seat," he said walking fully into the room.

"Rory, we take turns with school."

"Oh," he nodded at first then noticed how Brenda was no longer looking him in the eye, "where does AJ live?"

She flinched, "2 doors down and across the street."

He held in the groan. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to figure out which statement we're releasing," she stared at the blurbs not really seeing them. She remembered the fear of realizing Jake was gone and then getting that call that her son and husband were in the hospital and desperately trying not to fall apart in front of her youngest son.

"Why do we need to release a statement?"

"It's the life we chose," she said simply. "If we don't, then everyone will start speculating why."

_How had he chosen this life?_

"Can I get the remote?"

While he didn't appreciate having to walk or bend, he assumed it was still easier than her doing so and his discomfort would only last a few days. Forty pounds of baby…

"Tilt the tv towards me?" she asked once the remote was in his hand.

For that he gave her a look.

"The base swivels."

Sure enough the entire entertainment center turned.

She stopped looking at the laptop and fiddled with the remote for a few seconds, Jason's head rung out in pain as a loud clap assaulted his ears.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly as she hit mute and put down the remote.

The tv screen now held video of his sons playing downstairs.

"Isn't that an invasion of privacy," he asked.

"It's not big brother, it's Mommy and Daddy watching," she smirked. "The whole house is wired, totally saves the legs."

He sat at the other end of the table and turned his chair towards the tv and the two rambunctious boys rocking out downstairs, which was thankfully greatly muted by the distance between them. "Jake was worried I was going to leave," he mentioned eventually.

The taps against her keyboard stopped. She let out a sigh, "He's too young to have any idea how to process this. I don't know what we're supposed to do but listen and promise him we aren't going anywhere."

He turned because of her tone; she was already looking down at her laptop. "Is that why you sent them after me? You were worried I left?"

"I didn't say that," she said briefly looking up.

"I'm not going anywhere," he swore. Then he remembered the last time life had gotten too hard for him, he had apparently thrown her out of the apartment and crashed his bike and considering they currently couldn't find a single physical reason why Jason Quartermaine had checked out again…

She remained looking down at her computer.

"It's a lot to go from being alone in this world, to having a wife and almost four kids."

Her lips twitched up, "Pretty much my entire life, except for a few months with Sonny and Jax, I was sure I would never have kids, I didn't even think I wanted them."

"What changed?"

"Jake, he was just so amazing. I couldn't help, but love him. I wanted to tell strangers on the street of his latest accomplishment. There were times when I was pregnant, I was worried I wouldn't love Garrett as much as Jake," she laughed at herself. "That much love just didn't seem possible."

Jason smiled, despite everything he was glad Brenda had finally found the place she belonged, as odd that it was with him. "So did you marry me because of Jake?" he asked with a smile, since he had posed a similar question earlier about Sonny.

She let out a burst of laughter, "No, I was an obese cow with hormones running amuck and I was pretty sure no one would ever find me attractive ever again and considering you were the one that did it to me, it seemed only fair that I torture you for the next 60 years."

He laughed.

"That reminds me, I'm hungry already," she looked pleadingly at him.

"You remember I was just in the hospital right?"

"Oh come on, they let you out. I have 43 pounds of babies and boobs the size of cantaloupes," her hands gestured in front of them. "I mean if you really want me to be active and speed up this process, I'm certainly okay with getting these kids out of me already-"

"I'm standing," he pointed out.

She smirked.

"What do you want?"

"Chips," her words nearly sing songed.

"I'll look for carrots," he said moving towards the fridge.

She frowned.

"Is there any broccoli in here," he asked smirking as he opened the door.

"This isn't funny Jason."

"Are there are rice cakes?" he asked looking at her with a serious face.

"I swear, I will go into labor right now if I don't get trans fats," she threatened.

* * *

AN: Thanks to everyone who is still reading! And love to everyone who reviews. You gets get the story written, it takes me a dozen read throughs of my reviews to get the chapter finished. :-P


	8. Chapter 8

**Random (only those who like rambling should read does not pertain to this story):** So as I've stated, I'm anti watching GH in full at least until either Sonny or Liz is off the show or Brenda is back on because yes she makes everything better. Umm okay I just realized the two characters I have ever TRULY wanted to be are both Brendas that's kind of odd, however that is 2 decades of Brenda love so you know I'm devoted. :-P Umm back on track, the point of this was, I've actually been having a hard time thinking up ways to bring back Brenda and thereby Brazen because I am SOOOOO damn relieved Jason is not with Liz. Kelly Monaco is like my new personal savior because I can watch Steve Burton again without wanting to vomit. Haha and this is good because I've had a Steve Burton crush longer than I've wanted to be a Brenda. :-P

Umm and now on with the story. Thanks for reading! And seriously you guys did awesome with the reviews for this story as well. "Glasses Not Required" was definitely DOA, point taken guys. Brazen only. :-P

Btw ending sucks, don't know why, but I've given up on it, the chapter has been done for weeks and that refuses to improve, so whatever…

* * *

**Part 8**

He was torn between watching his sons play on the tv and the laptop Brenda had passed over to him once she was done. He was alone in the room now, she had heaved herself out of the chair after asking if he was okay to keep an eye on the kids while she showered, warning him the instruments wouldn't keep their attention for long.

Alone, but not alone.

The laptop was another custom piece. It had a hard drive that would make Spinelli weep in envy.

Jason Quartermaine apparently relished his family. His laptop was filled with them. Though considering the amount of reports and endless sea of numbers Jason had accidently clicked into, he wasn't surprised the guy needed a break.

Even the guy's wallpaper was a shot of his outside life, St. Bart's Jason had figured out, apparently they had gone there for Christmas break with their entire extended family. Jason had been diving through albums, skimming over the pictures, while getting lost in others.

It was odd to see himself with them.

As part of Brenda's previously perfect little family.

They did belong in a commercial. They couldn't have been more 'happy family' if they had been posed. Even the pictures where he could tell Brenda was rolling her eyes or scowling, there was just something there that fit; even he could see that.

As he scrolled through the various folders, glancing at their titles and main picture, he found a new one to click on, 'Jake's 5th Birthday.'

Again he saw a happy family. Everyone in pajamas, Brenda without any makeup on, smiling for the camera. He clicked on the video included in the folder, the first one he'd dared to open, he was curious though why they were taking pictures during breakfast.

'I want to do it,' the video began with Jake whining towards Brenda as she worked at the counter.

'You can't make your own birthday pancakes, anyway, I'm the adult; I get the whipped cream container.'

The scoff was noticeable coming from the person holding the camera.

'I have a full container of Reddi-Wip,' she turned brandishing the red container, her finger on the valve, threatening him, 'really want to start with me?'

'Did you hear me say anything guys?' he heard his own voice, it sounded foreign to him

'Yea, yea, keep it up Jase,' she brandished her weapon one more time, 'can I get back to making my pancakes yet?'

'Daddy made 'em,' the words were mumbled and as the camera swung Jason realized it was because a not even 3 year old Garrett was saying them as he chewed on the straw attached to his cup.

'Yea MB, you can't make pancakes,' Jake vigorously nodded his head.

'Oh come on that was one time,' she turned looking offended.

'One time?' Jake and Jason exclaimed in unison.

'Okay so fine, maybe it was like twice…or three….The point is I'm not going to get any better without support.'

'She tried to poison us,' Jake hammed it up for the camera he was looking up at.

'I-'

Jason's voice was cut short by his wife once more wielding the whipped cream, 'You have how many things to do before this party, want to add cleaning the kitchen and giving Jake another bath?'

'Oh come on MB, you wouldn't,' the little boy antagonized her, more than ready for there to be a whipped cream fight.

Jason Quartermaine apparently saw that same evil twinkle in Brenda's eyes as Jason Morgan did. 'What about-'

The film ended and Jason was quick to return to the previous screen to see what had transpired next.

Nothing.

There were pictures of Brenda with the pancakes, the boys with their pancakes, then as he hit the down arrow he smiled.

Various pictures of them and the kitchen splattered with whipped cream. Then an oddly inappropriate one of Brenda licking his cheek. He chuckled again when he got to a picture of Monica, Emily and Alice arriving, their faces filled with shock.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Garrett questioned and Jason startled, great job he did watching them.

"Some old pictures," he quickly supplied to the boy standing next to him, who was quickly climbing into his lap, Jason automatically helped him, once more ignoring the pain for his child's sake.

"Where's MB?" Jake asked worriedly.

"Upstairs."

Jake nodded and went to follow after his stepmother.

"When's this from?"

"Jake's last birthday."

"I liked Mr. Flopsies," Garrett nodded introspectively.

When Jason didn't say anything, Garrett turned and sighed loudly at him, "The bunny Daddy!"

"Oh," Jason nodded, "right."

"Go to my pictures from when I was little," Garrett turned back to the screen and ordered him, his little hands eager to attack the keyboard.

Jason's lips twitched up, he wondered how big Garrett thought he was. "How little?"

"Like the babies," Garrett once more twisted his head to see his father.

_He was beautiful, _Jason couldn't help but think to himself. _Beautiful and totally Brenda. _"Okay." Jason quickly clicked into the 2009 folder, at least Jason Quartermaine was organized. Sure enough the folder directly after, Our Wedding-June 3rd 2009 was Garrett's Birth. He wondered how appropriate those would be for a young boy, he doubted Brenda would allow anything too intimate, but he decided to err on the side of caution and opened, Garrett's First Day Home.

"Is that really me?" Garrett questioned about the baby Brenda was dressing on the hospital bed.

"That's really you," Jason nodded, unless this really was some elaborate trick someone was playing on him.

"I was that small?" he leaned in closer to the screen.

"You were."

"Are the babies going to be that small?"

"Probably smaller because there are two of them."

The news of his sisters' size didn't affect him much as he was still focused on the screen, "I'm smaller than Bunny."

"Not by much," Jason inwardly groaned over the thought of that small bundle of fluff.

"Click more," he ordered.

Jason did and frowned at the shot, as he realized Garrett had been dressed in the preppiest outfit he had ever seen. Navy polo, yellow belt, he zoomed on the image, seersucker pants, the kid even had on a navy baby version of boat shoes. He quickly zoomed out.

"I wanna click," Garrett demanded quickly as he leaned to reach the arrow.

The images flew by without allowing Jason much time to process them aside from being relieved to see Jason Quartermaine in a pair of jeans and a purple polo, he never thought he would be happy to see himself in purple, but after Garrett's outfit…

"Make it play," was Garrett's next order as he reached the end and a video, apparently well aware of what the play sign looked like.

'Baby's first car ride,' Brenda announced while the camera was trained on Garrett in his car seat.

Jason heard himself laughing, 'We're videotaping the car ride?'

'You videotaped his first diaper change, don't judge,' she swung the camera out to catch Jason in the front seat behind the wheel.

He laughed again and she went back to Garrett.

'I think he likes it.'

"I wanna go play," the three year Garrett informed his father as Jason continued to watch the little boy on the screen, amazed that was the little boy in his arms. He let his son down, still amazed at just how small, he had been.

'Brenda, he's been asleep for the past twenty minutes, he barely even stirred when I was strapping him in.'

'That's because someone is a night owl,' the joy in her voice bubbled out as a finger went to nuzzle his chest. He instinctively squirmed, but continued sleeping. 'Aren't babies supposed to be tired after they're born?'

'Let's hope that's not a sign of things to come,' Jason's voice tried to be serious, but like her, he was just too happy.

'He is so incredibly perfect,' she said after a moment a silence.

'I noticed.'

'So what was all that crap about neonates?'

Jason laughed again, 'I was just trying to prepare you.'

'Jason, you made me think our child was going to come out deformed.'

He laughed again.

'And he's barely even splotchy or squished.'

'What can I say Brenda, he's your child.'

'Eh good answer, I may one day forgive you.'

Another laugh.

'Seriously he's gorgeous.'

'And about as yuppy as can be.'

'Oh don't start again, I'm not smothering him in puppies and frogs. His outfit is fantastic, it's adorable on little boys, it's grown men that it's a little odd.'

'Just don't put Jake in a matching outfit, he knows better.'

'Actually that's blue gingham, the cutest little shorts and black Converses, did you know they made Converses for babies? I was going to get the little sock ones, but they're just not as cute as the little girl Mary Janes.'

She didn't notice her husband not responding.

'I need to call that photographer Lucy gave me the number of. We're going to have to finish more rooms, he can only take so many pictures in Jake and…Barrett's room?' The unease showed in her voice and Jason automatically leaned in closer as if he could reach the story faster. 'Rhett's, Barry, Bar-' She sighed loudly, 'Seriously I loved this name before, Barrett Jason Morgan, Rhett Morgan, it was perfect!'

'I still don't have a problem with it.'

'It's not right!'

'Brenda, you need to give him time to grow into it, get used to it.'

'It's not right,' she adamantly informed him.

'We only have so many days before we have to come up with something for the birth certificate.'

She sighed again, 'I know, don't remind me. Ben Morgan? No wait, Benjamin Moore. Timothy? Josh?'

Jason laughed as his wife rattled off possible names until he stopped her, 'We're home.'

'We're home….Christopher? Ugh no.' The camera swung as Jason opened the door.

'How about you think about that once we get inside?'

'How about you help?'

He laughed and offered a hand, the camera swung down as she left the car, 'I've been reading you baby names since last night, you've vetoed all of them.'

'We know too many people,' she said following him around the SUV, 'everything has a connotation.'

'Brenda can we just focus on getting our son into the house? We'll worry about his name later.'

'Oh right, here's Daddy walking baby boy Morgan to our new home and it only looks like this because we just moved in last week, but your nursery is done. Oh did you want me to open that?' she asked realizing he had been fumbling with his keys.

'No, they're in now,' he pointed out. The door opened, 'Stay here.'

'Why am I staying here? Seriously Jason if there are people inside I might have to murder you. Clear them out,' she informed him. He walked towards her after putting the baby in the foyer.

'There's no one here,' he smirked as he stepped over the threshold. 'You're safe, you can go straight up and take a nap, after I-' the camera swung wildly. 'Carry you across the threshold.'

She laughed, 'Jason, we've been here for 9 days.'

'Yes, but now you're Mrs. Morgan,' he said stepping over the threshold. 'That sounds odd.'

She laughed, 'No teasing, I just had a kid and lower me so I can check on him.'

He did so and the camera was once more pointed at Garrett, 'Welcome home little man.'

The camera was placed on a table.

'It's not supposed to be Morgan,' Jason finally said after a few moments that had been filled with Brenda chattering to the baby.

'Hmm?' she murmured barely paying attention to him.

'I'm not Jason Morgan.'

'You're whoever you want to be Jason,' she said, clearly paying attention to him now.

'I didn't dream of a Mrs. Morgan; that was just a last name,' his voice was distant.

She prompted, 'What did you dream of?'

'Having children that weren't raised like me and AJ. Having a marriage that wasn't like my parents. Making that name mean something I could be proud of. More than career expectations…He's a Quartermaine as much as I might have hated it. He's a Quartermaine. We're Quartermaines. You're right, his name was wrong. He isn't a Morgan.'

'Quartermaine,' she repeated.

'We're Quartermaines.'

'GQ.'

'Hmm?'

'Mr. GQ that's what Monica called him after she saw his outfit. He's Mr. GQ, he's perfect. Garrett Quartermaine. Garrett Morgan Quartermaine. It's perfect. He's perfect, we're perfect,' the joy bubbled out of her again, 'and Edward may do backflips.'

'Welcome home Mrs. Quartermaine.'

'Welcome home Mr. Quartermaine.'

Jason Morgan was well aware there was kissing going on off screen. He felt wrong even listening to this, it felt like he was spying on them as he just heard the audio.

'And welcome to the world Garrett Quartermaine,' Jason heard his prideful voice greet his son.

'We're going to do our best to give you a name to be proud of,' Brenda informed her son as the camera was once more shifted to their son now being held in father's arms before the camera was turned off.

Jason's attention once more shifted back to the little boy, he was currently digging through his toy box and had pulled out half of its contents while Jason hadn't been paying full attention.

-x-x-x-

He had talked his young son upstairs with the promise that he could pick out a game for them to play. He stared in shock as he followed after his son. The playroom was a circus. Literally a circus. The tray ceiling had been painted to look like a tent, the yellow paint draping down the corners with one corner actually creating a tent with real fabric, various animals and performers painted on the walls. Multicolored block bookcases scattered around the room, large plush animals, elephant, zebra and horse rocking horses, puppet theater, 2 open chests full of clothes and the normal activity table and various seating.

He should have expected Brenda to never do anything halfway after her room in the penthouse.

"Garrett stay here for a minute while I check on something."

The boy barely even noticed him leave as he had already pulled out his third game, animatedly discussing them with himself.

The next room had a race car theme, the two twin beds and the dog's were all cars. He heard Brenda and went towards her voice.

"Daddy and I aren't going anywhere," she swore.

"Mommy always said that," Jake's voice cracked.

"I know," her voice cracked as well, "and I'm sorry she isn't here, but Daddy and I will always do our best to stay with you."

"Why'd she take us?"

"I don't know."

"She was so angry."

"I know," her voice cracked again.

"Why was she so angry?"

"I don't know."

"Rory said it was because she didn't want to share anymore," Jake offered.

"Maybe Jake, I don't know. I know your mom missed you guys when you weren't with her."

"She said we weren't coming back," Jake's hushed words conveyed the pain of that memory.

"Oh Jake."

"Lori wouldn't stop crying."

There was silence in the room.

Finally came another whisper, "I didn't want to leave."

"You aren't going anywhere."

Jason knocked on the doorframe, unsure how to interrupt, wondering if even he should. He walked in anyway, his family, his responsibilities, he couldn't leave Brenda alone to shoulder it all.

"Where's Garrett?" Brenda was quick to question.

"He's picking out a game. If you guys are interested."

"Ugh," Jake said launching himself off his stepmother, "you're letting him pick out the game. Stupid cherry game again," he said scurrying out of the room.

"Try for Busy Town," Brenda called out after him.

They looked at each other in silence for a moment, both aching for the little boy who had been irreparably damaged by a moment of anger and the actions taken out of desperation.

"I don't know how to do this," her voice remained low, threatening to crack. "I don't know how to make this better for him. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I'm the fun one."

"Bren-"

She shook her head at him as he walked towards her, "24 hours ago…" She shook her head.

_24 hours ago, her life had been perfect. _

"We could have lost everything," she took in a breath that sounded like the beginning of a sob, "I could have…everything Jason," she looked up at her husband in desperation.

_Everything. _Her husband and son in a matter of minutes. He kept forgetting Brenda fell in love with him, she had chosen him. If he hadn't taken whatever treatment he'd received from Devlin, their house would be exactly as it was now.

"We didn't," he reminded bending to take her hand and squat before her.

"If you'd been at work Jason-" she shook her head. "If it had just been me and Garrett…Jake would, he could have-"

"Jake is fine, everything is going to be fine," he promised.

"BUSY TOWN!" Jake's loud voice echoed down the hallway.

The flash his eyes had made towards the sound had been all it had taken for scared and weak Brenda to disappear, his body shot up automatically due to the noise and when he looked down he saw Brenda had returned, "Help me up before there are toys everywhere."

-x-x-x-

He was slightly nauseous as he left his sons' room. He ignored Brenda's suggesting of reading to them from the plush rocker tucked into the corner and instead had settled onto the floor cushion that his sons had been quick to point out, "Daddy always reads to us here." Tucked into the space between their beds, so they could both see the book and remain in bed. Getting down hadn't been pleasant, getting up had been nearly impossible.

"Are you okay?" Brenda asked once they entered their room, she hadn't shut either bedroom door, but they were far enough away from their sons that she could speak without worry.

"I'll be fine," he nodded. He looked at the clock by their bed, 8:15. "Are you going to bed?"

She glared at him. He wondered if that was still a normal aspect of their relationship because he had gotten it a lot today.

"I'll go-" He wasn't tired and he wasn't sure he was even supposed to be sleeping with another man's wife, even if that man was him.

She shot him an accusing look.

"Maybe you should just tell me what I'm supposed to be doing?"

"I don't care as long as you do it in this room, having to stay hydrated when you're too big to heave yourself out of the bed…It's all a conspiracy to torture pregnant women."

He once more wisely kept his mouth shut about the battered state of his body. The last thing he wanted to risk was Brenda not asking him for help.

-x-x-x-x-

After retrieving his laptop, he found himself walking into the bathroom as Brenda walked out. He stopped and turned back.

"Shut up. You can't take back an okay even if you've forgotten giving it," she looked at her husband in annoyance.

"I okayed that?" he asked pointing backwards. He was afraid to look at the room more in depth. He saw stripes on the walls, a chandelier on the ceiling and mirrors everywhere.

"Only female in a house with four males? Giving me a bathroom really doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I will redo this room tomorrow, you've seen my old room and the girls' room-"

"Did I say anything?" he turned in fear.

"I'm like 15 months pregnant and he starts with the bathroom," she muttered to herself. "Do you want pajamas?" she randomly called out.

"Uh yea," he said turning back.

"Second drawer," she pointed at a dresser.

"Uh thank you," he nodded at her.

"You aren't going to shower are you?"

He sighed, _why couldn't she just tell him what she wanted? _"Brenda, I'm exhausted can you just tell me what you want me to do?"

"Wait till I fall asleep?" she asked pulling back the covers.

It was an odd request so he walked further into the room. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Last night was just," she shook her head, "can you just stay? Talk to me?"

"Okay," he thought about sitting in one of the chairs, but then remembered, Brenda missed her husband. He settled himself into bed next to her.

"Thank you," she said as she fussed with a massive pregnancy pillow adjusting it random spots around her.

Once she was settled, facing him, he asked, "Anything you wanted to talk about?"

"Why do you suddenly remember what snack we're supposed to bring to soccer this weekend?"

"Isn't it winter?"

"Found Jake an indoor league, helps burn the hyper out."

"Ah."

"Anything you want to talk about? You're reacting too well."

"What else can I do?"

"Good point. Only one drama queen per family, we may have to kick Garrett out soon," she smirked.

He laughed. He took a moment before saying, "They're amazing."

"I know."

He turned and gave her a look.

She rolled her eyes unapologetically.

He turned away, about to say something else about the boys when he asked, "How did Sonny react?" Her eyes were still wide by the time he turned.

"About us?"

"You said you were in a relationship with him."

"That was over before us."

"Still," he prompted.

She shook her head against the pillow, "It changed depending on the day. He wanted to be okay with us."

"But he wasn't," Jason didn't question that.

"You don't date your friend's ex," she said simply.

That never applied to Sonny. "What about me and Robin?"

"That's different, even when we were married the first time, she said it was okay."

He looked back down for that, "When did she say that?"

"When I bailed on the annulment, she thought it was because of you and not Jax."

_They were married now. _"Was it?"

"I don't know. I don't know if that was the beginning of what developed. You remember the airport?"

"Sitting there for hours?"

"It wasn't-" she shook her head at him. "When I was talking about weddings," she shook her head again.

"Ah, how you should get married without love?"

She loudly huffed at him, "The manner and tact and did I mention common sense? Honest to god I'm amazed I fell in love with you. How did I not smother you in your sleep?"

He smirked, he couldn't help himself.

"I couldn't understand why my weddings kept not working out, but I didn't want that annulment. I wanted you to have love and happiness, I knew that you deserved it more than anyone…" she shook her head at him.

"You loved me then?"

She shook her head, "Maybe your soul knows before the rest of you catches up."

"Hmm."

"I'd like to share with you the fact that you said I love you first so it's not like I was falling over myself in love with you."

He gave her another look. "Are you still this antagonistic over everything?"

"Remind me why I asked you to keep me company?"

"I was trying to take a shower."

She sighed.

He looked back down.

He was hit, by the full effect of her brown eyes looking soulfully up at him, "Thank you for not dying."

"Even if I never remember?"

"I can deal without the memories and manners. We can't deal without you."

His gaze shifted to her stomach, several inches of bare skin were exposed from where her blue tank had shifted. "Do they have names?"

She frowned. "I am a really bad person, I totally want to lie so I can get my names picked."

"How bad are your names that he-I didn't agree with you?"

"We're like the capital of what's fair and equal," she drawled, "we each get to name one. I get first dibs."

"Are you serious?"

"We tried a unanimous decision, then we tried my first your middle and your first and my middle and yea-"

"Did I write down this name anywhere?"

"AJ knows, you've been torturing me," her voice grew more serious by simply saying his name.

"How could I forgive him?" He looked at the tv on the wall.

"As much as you hated him-"

"Was as much as he loved him," he finished for her.

"I already use that line?"

He nodded.

"You got into that car with him, just like he went into the water for you. There were weeks between getting your memory back and AJ coming home. I don't even know if you could have gotten past it if he hadn't come back."

He had still been there though; it hadn't just been Jason Quartermaine, had he just sat back while that man infiltrated their lives yet again. "I don't want to talk about AJ."

"Monica's coming home."

He turned again.

"Don't scare off her boyfriend, she really likes him. I told her you were okay, but she's your mother. She wants to be here for Jake and Audrey as well."

He looked concerned for that, he had forgotten about Liz's grandmother in the midst of things.

"Sarah and Steven are with her," Brenda supplied.

"Maybe we should bring Jake to see her."

"I'll call and see if she wants to come over, Emily said it's a media circus now. Jake shouldn't see that, he shouldn't hear them, he's been through enough."

He thought back to the airport, he thought about the list of things she called herself. He hadn't disagreed with them, he still wouldn't, but the airfield and countless other times had proven something else, she was loyal, fiercely loyal and protective. There were certainly worst ways to wake up than to find out he was married to Brenda and had children with her. "You should try to get some sleep," he ordered.

"You're probably right, the boys will probably be in bed with us before midnight."

-x-x-x-

He came awake quickly to the slight noise in the hallway. The bedroom, dark, after he had turned out the lights, waiting for her to fall asleep, he was still in the clothes he had worn home from the hospital. By the time he sat up he realized their sons were entering their door just as she had predicted, a sleepy Garrett being led by Jake.

"Are you guys okay?" Jason asked in a hushed whisper, which was pointless because Brenda stirred regardless.

"What's wrong?" she muttered without opening her eyes.

"Can we sleep with you?" Jake spoke, while his brother looked like he'd fall over where he was standing.

"Of course," Brenda said forcing herself into consciousness. "God, I need to pee."

Jason was already on his feet.

"Seriously," she asked as she was being helped up as the boys were climbing into bed, "how bad can a catheter be?"

"Can you just go pee?" Jason replied with no patience.

She grumbled.

He walked around the bed again, briefly looking down at the grey sweat pants he had on and tee shirt, they were close enough to pajamas, he climbed underneath the covers with the boys.

Garrett's little body immediately shifted into a sprawl that covered him and Jason cradled his son close, _he wasn't quite as grown up as he thought he was. _

"Are you okay Jake?" Jason asked looking into his son's blue eyes as his youngest's were already tightly closed.

"I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" _Talking helped didn't it? Or was everyone always lying?_

"I was in Mommy's car again, but you didn't come."

"I will always come Jake, no matter what, no matter where you are, I will always come for you," the words were out of his mouth before he could even think. His hand automatically reached out and grabbed his eldest as best he could.

"I know," he nodded. "Dreams aren't real."

"No they aren't."

"Mommy isn't coming back is she?" his words were flat, the tone pained Jason more than the words.

"They're still looking Jake." People had survived worse.

"Do you think she left because we didn't want to go with her?"

Emily had stopped by briefly when she'd returned from the site, she had filled him in on the details she had learned. Filled him in on how Liz's children had all cried to be returned home. Cameron, the oldest had immediately started questioning her actions, even prior to them getting Jake.

_'I think I understand what Liz was talking about. Lori and Dani are basically twins, Lori has been with Sam and Lucky for so long…' She sighed, 'When the kids were first taken away, they wanted Liz more than anything else. They're settled now. Cam's already at the stage where parents aren't interesting. Jake loves being a big brother instead of a little one and Lori can't even comprehend a world without Dani. The kids were all so angry and upset. Cam said Liz kept turning back. It was an accident waiting to happen.'_

"I don't think your mom meant to leave, I think she was trying to get to us on the shore. I think she was trying to stay with us."

"She shouldn't have taken us," his little voice was adamant.

"No she shouldn't have," the sympathy and pain Jason originally felt for Liz was still there, but it had been added to, the fear and pain of what everyone else had experienced, especially their son.

"God I want this to be over," Brenda whined walking back into the room, effectively ending the father and son conversation.

She climbed into bed and pulled her stepson towards her, so that he was now half draped on her pregnancy pillow with her, "You okay?"

He nodded, "Just a bad dream."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Daddy and I did."

"So you're okay?"

"Mmmhmm."

"I love you," she told him still holding on.

"Love you too MB."

"Shut up," Garrett grumbled half asleep.

Brenda let out a short snort, "Goodnight sweetheart."

"Daddy," Garrett whined into his father's shirt.

"They're going to bed now," he promised. "Goodnight," he ordered them.

"Night," they replied in unison.

Sure enough within minutes their breathing had all evened out and it was just Jason awake in the room. He had gone asleep the night before with the world in turmoil, only blunted by the numbing effect of the pain medication.

Tonight Garrett's warm body was protecting him from the pain, not to mention the chilly temperature Brenda had the room set at. Major along with the minor pains, he was sheltered from them. He let the joys comfort him. The thought of his immediate family, 80 inches of mattress contained them all. A wife, two sons and two daughters. He didn't subscribe to the idea of perfection, but he was thinking that maybe someone had gotten that one ideal right. Two race car beds and two wrought iron cribs drenched in flowers. Once he had it, he wondered how he would live without it.

He was afraid to drift off again, afraid this would leave him. A world without them, a world without Emily, a world without the connections that made a family a family. They didn't exist within a bubble as he had with Michael, their relationships were spread across the town. His children had cousins, they had aunts and uncles…

He wanted to be happy and he hated himself for it. The guilt started to seep in and he understood why Quartermaine had checked out.

He pulled Garrett in tighter, the little boy still smelled of oranges from his bath and the image of both boys running around in dinosaur towels instantly lightened Jason's mood.

He kept his eyes closed, refusing to allow his good mood to dissipate, refusing to acknowledge the small dog that had just climbed the stairs to their bed and sprawled himself over Jason's legs.

He could only hope the morning would be kind.

* * *

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance to those who hit the little review button.

Random: If anyone has any Brazen ideas they'd be interested in seeing as a one shot, leave them as a review. Mine are FROZEN. They all start and die and I need one shots in order to write the longer stories (don't know why, just always have). It can be anything short or long.


	9. Chapter 9

Less than one week people! Umm beyond fantastic replies again. So again screw everything else, I'm writing. :-P Thanks for the GREAT reviews. The end parts of this are iffy and seriously I kinda had to include the bathroom seen, I watched that fantasy scene one too many times and I'm jonesing for super hot Jason.

Thanks for reading guys!

* * *

**Part Nine**

The morning was not kind.

He was frozen, grumpy and sleep deprived. The night was an endless blur of getting up with Brenda and being woken by his son coming in contact with his injuries. The dog licking his face only added to his misery, his son smacking him in the face as he tried to pet the dog with his eyes still closed didn't even rate by that point.

"Go away," he ordered the dog, forcing himself not to fling the small creature off the bed.

"Shut up," Brenda groused.

"Is it time for cartoons?" Garrett questioned.

"It isn't Saturday idiot," Jake snarked.

"Hey," Jason and Brenda began at the same time.

"Watch your language and apologize to your brother," Brenda finished.

"Sorry," Jake replied without feeling.

"Bet there are cartoons on anyway," the youngest grumbled.

"No cartoons, we're still sleeping," Brenda responded with her eyes closed.

"But it's 7," Garrett said as he leaned on his father to see the clock.

"Shut up," Jake mumbled.

"Hey," Brenda's eyes opened.

"You said it first," Jake's didn't.

She grunted and closed her eyes.

"She'll apologize once she's awake, so will you," Jason said once more shoving the dog off him and wiping his face. "Come on Garrett," he followed his words up with a groan as he went to get out of bed.

-x-x-x-x-

Jason sat in a stupor with a coffee cup in his hands as Garrett plowed through a bowl of Lucky Charms, thrilled to be getting a weekend cereal on a weekday.

"Good morning," Emily said walking into the kitchen with a bright smile.

Jason's mood instantly brightened, despite the dog scratching at the backdoor to get in.

"Morning," Garrett mumbled through a mouthful of cereal.

"Morning Uncle Jase," Rory nearly skipped into the room, her hair hanging in waves around her, blue eyes sparkling at him.

"Morning," Jason smiled at them both.

"Is that Bunny?" the little girl scrunched up her nose hearing the noise.

"Yea, she's outside."

Emily shot her brother an accusing look as she headed towards the door and let the little rat in. "Garrett, you done eating?"

"Just milk," he beamed.

"Good boy, why don't you and Ror go watch cartoons or something."

Jason could see the devilish twinkle in his son's eye at the thought of being right.

"I get to pick," Rory called out as she was already racing out of the room.

"Take the dog," Jason called after them and they in turn called after the dog.

"And I thought AJ was bad today," she shook her head as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Well aside from the fact that his brother once more hates him, he's probably in the same amount of agony as you. Mom finally forced a sleeping pill on him in the middle of the night."

"Monica's back?"

"Yea," Emily said sitting down, "she got in last night, your lights were already off. She and AJ are still sleeping."

"AJ seemed fine yesterday."

"I think he was still running off adrenalin. They tried to go to a movie and had to leave early. He's in pain, so he can't sleep and because he can't sleep he's in more pain. Mom finally got him to take a sleeping pill when he wouldn't take anything stronger for the pain. That house was not a pleasant place to be last night."

"Do you live with AJ?"

She shrugged, "I have my own place, but…This whole enmeshed thing our family has going on is probably not a good idea. By the way AJ has some serious issues with Chip."

_Chip, the banker, Monica has been island hopping with. _"What kind of issues?"

"The kind that he isn't Dad." Her thumb tapped against her mug, "We don't need to talk about this now," she shook her head trying to brush off the thought.

"Any word?"

She shook her head, "They were supposed to start looking again at sunrise. I actually came over to see if I could leave Rory with you guys until Monica and AJ wake up. I thought about waking Chip, but I really don't think AJ's head exploding now is something that any of us needs."

"That's fine, maybe I can come by-"

"Don't," she ordered him, "the doctors told you to rest. This doctor is telling you to rest. You need time to heal Jason. You aren't immortal. Just take it easy and rest. Let the kids sit in front of the tv all day. Alice put all the local channels on block so you don't need to worry. Please Jason?"

He nodded, wondering if he would ever regain the ability to say no to her.

-x-x-x-x-

_"Are you getting this?" Brenda was asking with a laugh, holding Jake in the Quartermaine's pool, he was giggling ferociously as Jason was causing bubbles and splatter, by blowing out in the water. _

_"Yes and I'm thinking about showing it at the next hospital board meeting," Monica laughed. _

Jason hit stop as the doorbell rang. The kids looked up from their cartoons to him, "I'll be right back."

Their attention went right back to the tv.

A quick check before he opened it, informed him Monica was at the door. "Oh sweetheart," she consoled as she automatically went to hug him.

She froze around him as she felt him stiffen under her touch; she stiffened and pulled away. "The entire flight home, I promised myself that I would do better than last time and I-" She tensed her jaw looking at her son, her baby.

"It's fine," he immediately felt like an ass, "I'm sorry. I-"

"No you don't apologize for anything. All three of my children are safe and alive and that is all I care about," she vowed to him. "I don't want to push you; I just want you to know how relieved and happy I am that you're okay." She nodded at him, "Because this is okay Jason, it took me a long time to realize that, but I promise you that's what I believe," she vigorously nodded at him. "Whatever you need Jason, I will do it."

Before Jason could respond, "GRANDMA," rang through the house as Jake began running down the stairs. Within seconds Monica had her grandson in a hug, and seconds after that her second grandson was in the mix and the small white dog was bouncing around them barking.

"Brenda still asleep?" he asked with a frown.

"She was in the bathroom," Jake answered, just before, "did you bring us anything?"

"Go check on Brenda, I'll take them over to your brother's for a bit," she nodded at Jason. "Let them rummage through my things and see if they can find anything."

"Thank you," he nodded at her, even though he wanted to fight her on it.

"Rory, it's gift time," Monica called out to her granddaughter, "and someone find Bunny's leash. I have no desire to spend another two hours chasing after that dog."

Rory strolled into the vestibule, the clear leader of their clan of cousins as Jason headed in search of his wife.

-x-x-x-

"Who was at the door?" Brenda asked as he walked into the room. She was dressed in a blue and white button down sleep shirt, her damp hair soak through.

"Monica, she took the kids over to AJ. Did you shower and put on fresh pajamas?"

"I'm not going outside today," she informed him.

He opened his mouth to discuss that and decided against commenting.

"So how are you feeling today?"

"I still don't remember if that's what you're asking."

"More like you're still covered in river water and I was hoping you'd shower or I'm going to have to ask Sonia back over tomorrow to change the sheets."

_Oh. _He looked down at himself, sure enough he was still in the sweats he'd left the hospital in and he hadn't done much more than wash his face. "I tried to shower last night," he reminded her.

"Just take it easy in there," she shook her head, "I get to go to the hospital next, not you."

-x-x-x-

He walked with trepidation towards the 'French Inspired' bathroom, doing his best to ignore the chandelier, fireplace and the frightening amount of mirrors; she had managed to cram into the large master bath.

He stripped out of the sweats and threw them in the hamper, though he wondered if he would ever want to wear them again. He paused at one of the mirrors and looked just as had yesterday at the hospital. Looked for something so resolutely different about him that would make this all make sense. His hair was longer, the ends lighter than the rest, leftover from their trip he assumed. His eyes looked exhausted, but nothing to signal five years had passed, more a sign of the rough night he'd spent in the family bed. He was leaner; he'd realized that even before seeing his reflection the mirror. It made sense, Jason Quartermaine's schedule had sessions at the gym, but mostly held games of tennis, racquetball and basketball, frequently fit into the middle of the afternoon with his brother. Jason had also counted five trips skiing in the past two months. He frowned suddenly; he had looked like this before.

He crossed the bathroom, towards the vanity, pulling open a few drawers. Sure enough he finally found one that didn't belong to Brenda and it was full of more products than Sam had ever owned. _If Brenda thought, he was using any of that she had another thing coming._

-x-x-x-x-

"Why do I own enough product to open a Sephora?"

She snorted, "I can't believe you just used the words product and Sephora. You really must have bashed your head."

"That wasn't an answer."

"Oh calm down Jason, I have a shopping addiction and seriously you're hotter when you use an eye cream," she didn't even bat a lash as she clicked through his laptop.

He was pretty sure it was wrong to strangle your pregnant wife.

"You've been watching more videos?"

"Is that a question considering you're going through my recently viewed files?"

"Fine Jason, have you seen anything interesting?" She rolled her eyes as she opened an album. "God our children are gorgeous."

"You say that a lot," he referred to the videos.

"They seriously are," she nodded. "Any new questions?"

"Not that I can think of," he went to sit down, "you have a good life."

"We have an amazing life," she corrected. "How was Monica?"

"She seemed okay," he paused, "it was odd."

She gave him a look, "Odder than waking up to us married?"

"How long did it take or her to forgive me for Diego killing Emily?"

"He didn't kill her," Brenda reminded.

"You know what I mean."

"She's always loved you. When you got out, I think that was all she ever wanted."

"Not Jake?" he asked half rolling his eyes.

She smirked, "No Jake was Edward's reason for putting up with you, that and Monica would have kicked him out of the house."

He couldn't help but smile.

"The Quartermaines are different now," she smirked again. "I mean we're Quartermaines, they pretty much got rebuilt from scratch. It's not like Tracy and Alan, no one's being pitted against each other. Edward's even come to terms with the fact that you aren't going to skip a kid's event for a meeting."

"He must have been thrilled to get Jason Quartermaine back," Jason said dryly.

"Oh he was," she nodded smugly at him, "but don't you worry. You killed that joy pretty damn quickly."

_That was at least something. _

_

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_

Thanks for reading and sorry if the end parts were off, they refused to work with me. :-P_  
_

No voting this time, it will either be The Path to (Moments in Life) or WWFO, depending on which gets done first.


	10. Chapter 10

AN (general): Obviously, we have returned to a normal posting schedule. I'll do my best to put up at least one chapter a week (until the fics run out). Voting for the next fic is highly encouraged (SS, TAoCS, WWFO and DWYB), it totally helps focus me.

AN (regarding this story): Okay I think I'm running out of filler. I think the story is coming to an end soon. What a bummer.

**Thanks for all the great reviews guys! They and you rock!**

* * *

**Part Ten**

"What are we supposed to do?" she suddenly asked.

He looked at her in confusion.

"If you're memory doesn't come back," she shook her head, "

He stared at her for a moment, he had spent a decade glad memories were gone forever; glad he had been wiped clean of Jason Quartermaine. _Five years lost of his sons' lives_, he didn't want to miss a minute of them, five years lost… "I don't know," he answered truthfully.

"I don't want you to hate me, like you hated Keesha," she admitted.

"I could never hate you," he promised.

She rolled her eyes.

"I didn't say I wouldn't be aggravated with you."

She was about to respond when she quickly shut her mouth.

He was confronted with the fact that he had seen Jason Quartermaine's life now. He had willingly seen it, instead of an attempt at memories being forced upon him. He was envious of his life, envious of the peace the other man had been able to find, the kind of joy he was able to bring to his family, the ease in which he related to them. He didn't want to take away that kind of a father from his children, that kind of a brother from his sister, that kind of son from his mother, even that kind of husband from Brenda. The kind of man that accepted her for who she was and not who they could mold her to be. Maybe it was easier knowing that he wouldn't be lost. Before there had never been a compromise between him and Quartermaine, however, now though they told him that was possible and he found himself almost wanting it.

"Forget it," she shook her head, "I don't want to know. I don't want to think about it."

"Br-"

She shook her head yet again, "We aren't worrying for no reason. I'm going to start going through your twins' list."

"Twins' list?" he quickly questioned.

"You have this odd insistence that they need things like diapers more than gold high tops."

"I thought I saw diapers," he frowned trying to remember the changing table in the floral explosion of a room.

"Apparently small in cloth diapers is 7lbs," she rolled her eyes, annoyed with that. "Oh we are so not doing organic," she said as she backspaced his list. "We can kill the Earth for a month." She frowned reading the list, "We had all this crap once. I have no idea what the hell we did with it."

"It's a big house."

She let out an unexpected laugh at his comment. She looked over at him with a smile, "I think I'm just going to order this stuff online and overnight it, I don't want to go out. Did you want your laptop back?"

"No," he shook his head, "you can keep using it."

"Why don't you go relax, take a nap, rest up for the hellions return," she smiled.

He was being dismissed, he didn't blame her. "Call me if you need me."

-o-o-o-o-

_Wedding Video:_

_"Okay so most of you know that Brenda and I have had our ups and our downs. By that I mean things like prom where she shot me down and obsessed over her ex and the two years that if someone had let me, I would have actually shot her. Not to mention our first marriage-"_

_"Is there a point to this," Brenda called out from her seat at the table._

_He turned back with a smile, "There is," he promised. "You have always managed to push every button I have. Life with you has never been dull or predictable and I," he shook his head slowly at her, "I thank you for that. I knew from the start that you were amazing, but I had no idea just how amazing. I am grateful every day to have you as my wife-"_

"Your wedding was so beautiful," Emily said as she walked into the room and seeing what was on the large screen tv.

"I look happy," Jason said blankly.

"You were," Emily promised. "You know you had that wedding for me because I missed the first one." She moved to sit next to her brother, "At least that's what you always said, but I think a big part of it was finally giving Brenda that wedding. Center of attention, fairytale wedding."

"She looks happy," Jason quickly agreed.

"She always wanted that, this," Emily shrugged. "The ring, the husband, the family. She never had that. You gave it all to her and the perfect day."

Jason looked uncomfortable; then questioned, "No word on Liz?"

_"That could have been me," Liz whispered with the champagne glass almost forgotten in her fingers._

_Emily turned to her best friend._

_"He tried and I…" her head slowly shook, "I was too impatient. That day when Carly and Brenda went at it at the hospital…When I realized there really had been nothing going on between Jason and Brenda…I had this split second of thinking he and I could finally be together...I was so sure that test would come back negative…That should be Jason and I…I don't know why I couldn't just wait a few more weeks."_

"No," Emily swallowed hard and shook her head.

"I should-"

"You can't do anything Jason. None of us can do anything," her words held some snap because she was about to snap. Her best friend gone and she could do nothing. "Where's Brenda?"

"Stress shopping in the kitchen," he explained simply, letting the previous subject drop. As much as he wanted to, he knew there was nothing he could do.

She automatically smiled. Brenda did two things well during times of stress: eat chocolate and shop. "You told me after Garrett was born and refusing to sleep Brenda pretty much bought out QVC and HSN."

Jason smiled.

"I should probably check on her before you end up needing a third freezer. I really can't eat another lobster tail wrapped in bacon. We need to start blocking these sites."

-o-o-o-

He followed in minutes later to find Brenda and Emily huddled around the laptop.

"But if you get it in the white then-" Emily stopped when she saw her brother.

"I thought you were going to stop her," Jason reminded.

"I was until I realized it was clothing. The ruffled diaper cover is a must Jason."

"Totally," Brenda laughed.

"So we don't need to order another freezer?" Jason asked as he walked to the fridge.

"Are you ratting me out on everything?" Brenda turned to glare at her sister.

"I prefer to think of it as warning."

"I already knew you had a shopping addiction Brenda, I had the bank account to prove it," he pulled out the orange juice.

Emily laughed as Jason smiled. Brenda harrumphed.

"Does anyone think we should rescue Mom from the kids?"

"You're including AJ in kids right?"

"Oh definitely," Emily laughed again.

"I don't know," Brenda scrunched her face, "Is this payback for being gone so long or is it just going to make her leave faster."

Emily laughed once more. "I'm going to go be the good daughter and check in across the street. If only to see if AJ has figured out how to kill Chip with only one arm."

"You can bring the kids back if you really need to," Brenda smiled.

"Remember kids include AJ," Emily said as she walked towards the doorway.

"On second thought, keep them," Brenda called out after her.

Emily let out another chuckle, "Bye."

"Bye," they called after in unison.

-o-o-o-

He walked into their daughters' room and a moment frozen in time. A pair of swings half completed. If Jason Quartermaine, he, hadn't stopped in the middle of his project to check on Jake, he could be gone right now. He couldn't even begin to comprehend that.

He settled himself on the floor despite the pain, emotional turmoil wouldn't stop babies from being born, and picked up the instructions.

Jake and Garrett joined him minutes later and assigned themselves the task of being his helpers.

-o-o-o-

"I'll be right back," Jason said to Jake who was currently exploring his sisters' stuff, since they had finally finished their project, long after Garrett had left them in search of more interesting things.

Jason followed after Brenda, who was walking down the hall carrying a sleeping Garrett. He walked into the boys' room just in time to see Brenda putting Garrett down on his race car bed.

She smiled hearing her husband approach, but remained looking at her son.

"Should you be carrying him?" Jason asked softly.

"Don't start, pretty soon he'll be too big for me to carry," she stroked her son's cheek and he rolled to his side, his hands grabbing onto his mothers.

"Isn't he already? He's half your height."

She scowled.

-o-o-o-

He left Brenda with Jake in their room, she convinced the little boy who had no interest in a nap, to lay with her awhile in their bed and read. He didn't know why he left, but he did. They looked comfortable in the large plush bed. Content. He hadn't wanted to intrude on their time.

He found his way back to his laptop.

_"This is what I have to deal with?"AJ's voice exclaimed._

_The camera was pointed at Brenda in a long flowing black gown, her hair upswept, draped across her husband, in tuxedo pants and loosened shirt, as she sat in his lap,._

_"You're the one that let their date go home," Brenda sing songed, obviously drunk._

_"After he pried her off of him," Jason added._

_"Too clingy," AJ remarked, "I'm not you little brother."_

_"Is he implying that I'm clingy?" she turned with a pout to her husband._

_"Never," Jason said trying to keep a serious face as he shook his head at his wife, then scowled at his brother._

_"Because I could-" she tried to get up, but Jason pulled her back down._

_"He's just jealous," he swore to his wife._

_"You're cute," she smiled down at him, "have I told you that lately?" _

_"I'm going to gag," AJ gagged as Jason was beaming up at his wife._

_"Oh seriously what was wrong with Candace?" Brenda good-naturedly snapped._

_"The fact that her nickname is Candy isn't enough?"_

_Brenda sighed loudly._

_"She's a doctor," Jason pointed out._

_"That's strike two."_

_"Horny was strike three?" Brenda rolled her eyes._

_"Horny would have been nice, more the fact that I think she made a dozen plans for the next week for us in 6 hours."_

_Jason sighed this time and let his head fall back. _

_"I wonder Emily's night is going better," Brenda questioned, her implication obvious._

_Jason's head shot up and his eyes went wide in horror._

_"Ugh!" AJ loudly proclaimed._

_"Seriously she's a grown woman, she's been married twice and she needs to get some to get over Nikolas. I really don't get the whole need for brooding thing."_

_AJ snorted._

_Jason glared at his brother._

_"Seriously?" AJ questioned._

_"Oh Jason?" Brenda shook her head, "Please I wish he brooded. You never just let things go."_

_"I never let things go?"_

_"You do now," she patted his arm, "you know what's good for you."_

_He rolled his eyes._

_"So remind me again what was wrong with Donna?"_

_"What is it with you and this whole matrimony thing? She's been really annoying since you asked her to marry you again. All with the lovey dovey crap."_

_"We just think you might be happier if you settled down-"Brenda stopped as she heard the door. "Em?"_

_"Yea, it's me," she said walking into the living room. "I didn't think you guys would still be up."_

_"They're busy plotting how to marry us off," AJ informed his sister._

_"Twice was enough for me, thank you very much," she said shrugging out of her coat to reveal a sleek sequined black dress. "Old maid aunt and playboy uncle?" she asked her brother as she moved to sit on the couch with him._

_"Sounds good to me."_

Jason hit stop minutes before the video was to end. He was sitting and watching his past life, while his current life was upstairs, where he wanted to be.

He could never remember. That man in those videos could be lost forever once more. That didn't mean Jason didn't want that life. That didn't mean he didn't want that life for Brenda and the kids, they deserved that kind of husband and father. He could wait and hope it would return to him, if it didn't though, it was up to him to find it.

His weary body climbed the stairs and the smiles that greeted him proved he had taken the proper step. He climbed into bed with them, with Jake nestled between him and Brenda, and curled into their group. He listened to Brenda as she read the tale of a fantasy land, while Jake was engaged in the trio she told of, Jason was engaged by the fantasy land he had been thrust into and he realized even if it was a dream, he no longer wanted to wake up.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. **

_**Btw is it wrong that I'm jealous of characters in my head because they get to snuggle with Jason? :-P**_


	11. Chapter 11

AN (ramblings): Umm I don't know how GH did it, but they seem to have killed Brazen in my mind. I have one possible storyline in my head, that's it, one, there are normally a dozen. Even worse, they offed my Alan ghost, Emily ghost, Lila ghost and Susan Moore ghost (um what can I say, I love soaps because they're soapy) stories! Umm I suppose the good news is I can focus on finishing these without any others vying for dominance.

AN (fic): I could NOT get the start of this chapter out. So I gave up and skipped the scene. One day I will figure out how to write the Edward scene that was in my head. Sadly that day is not today. :-P

Thanks for reading guys!

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**Part 11**

He smiled as he saw Spinelli's name pop up on his cell phone, though if ever questioned about it he would deny it to his last breath. Finally something familiar and expected.

"Stone Cold!"

"Sp-"

"Are you alright? His Commissionership just informed the Fair Phoenix of the tragic events-"

"Spinelli are you letting him answer?" A voice butted in.

"As always, my most wise companion is correct. How are you Stone Cold?"

"I'm fine."

"That Em?" Brenda questioned walking into the room.

"Spinelli," Jason answered.

Her eyes went wide and she mouthed, 'Don't tell him,' as she made frantic hand motions between her head and crossing her hands in front of her.

He registered Spinelli's mention of 'The missus.' "Yea it's just Brenda, she says hi."

"Oh yes, Georgie says hi as well. Are you sure you are alright?"

"I'm fine," he repeated. Georgie?

"Put me on video."

"Spinelli, I'm not going to put you on video-"

The next thing he knew the phone was being ripped out of his hands and Brenda quickly thumbed the option. "Hi Spinelli, how's whatever can't be named place? See look," she flipped the phone around, "there's Jason all fine and well. Provided you don't need him to move faster than a turtle."

Jason frowned.

"We'll be on the first-"

"No, Spinelli, you really don't need to do that," she turned the phone back to her.

"The Jackal and-"

"Spinelli, really we're okay."

"These events are hardly okay, we could be of assistance in the search-"

"Did Mac say that?" Brenda quickly questioned.

"No," Georgie butted in, "he told us that everything that could be done was being done and that there are so many rescuers on the scene they're practically stepping on each other."

"Well if there's one things the Quartermaines and Cassadines do really well it's throw money at a problem."

Jason frowned at Brenda's word choice.

"Mac said that they-"

"We'll worry about things as they happen, not before," Brenda quickly silenced Georgie, he frowned again.

"We'll call you as soon as we know more," Brenda promised. "We have dinner over at AJ's, we should be getting dressed."

"The prodigal son," Spinelli grumbled.

"Yes, he who replaced The Jackal," Brenda quickly rolled her eyes, "you two need to learn how to get along."

"It is not-"

"Spinelli, dinner," Brenda reminded.

"We'll talk to you later guys, you're in our thoughts," Georgie said ending the phone call as everyone else muttered their goodbyes.

Jason stared at Brenda as she lowered the phone. "What was that?"

"What was what?" she shrugged.

"You not letting me talk to Spinelli and Georgie's alive too?"

"Oh yea, that was like some WSB thing, Cooper too. They can explain it when they come. I think they one upped Em on the bittersweet. Maxie moved away with Cooper and Spinelli joined Georgie."

"Doing?"

"The stuff he did for you, but for the good guys now," she shrugged.

He ignored the dig. "Why didn't you want me talking to him?"

"Because he will come home immediately Jason. This house feels big now, but if you get Spinelli here feeding the kids junk food and brightly colored sodas…" She shot a death glare at him.

"I wouldn't have him come home."

"Jason do you really think your best friend wouldn't come home immediately if he knew you'd just forgotten years of your life? More importantly, mine would too and any time we can buy Robin and Patrick-"

He frowned once more at her.

"This is really crappy Jason, but it's still going to be crappy days from now and this is their last shot."

"You aren't telling me something else," he said after a moment. She had ended parts of the conversation too quickly.

"Because I don't know how to and if I could take back knowing I would."

"Elizabeth," he said simply.

"If the search wasn't privately funded, they would have called it off yesterday. They're still calling it a rescue-"

"Recovery," he supplied as her voice cracked.

She nodded. "They have everyone looking, divers, dogs, but.-" Brenda's eyes closed.

"They're assuming she's-"

Brenda nodded again and opened her glossy eyes, "I don't know how to tell him that. I don't want to tell him that. I don't ever want to see that look in his eyes. I know what it was like without-" Her head shook.

"We should talk to Audrey," Jason suggested.

She nodded, "I talked to Steven earlier, he said he'd bring her by tomorrow afternoon."

"That's good."

-o-o-o-

Jason did not like AJ's house. He disliked a lot of things about it. The first being it was so close. The second being it had just as many friendly brother pictures as their house. The third being it had Edward, who had completely surpassed self-righteous earlier at their house as he had berated them for keeping the memory loss a secret and informed Jason matter of factly that he did not get to ditch their family again; he was a grown up, he had children and he would have to learn how to deal with it. The fourth was the result of the third, Edward had declared the whole family was having dinner at AJ's, Jason definitely did not like being in AJ's house.

He kind of liked his niece though. She definitely spent way too much time with Brenda, but it was kind of cute in a little girl, who had blonde waves from her braids yesterday and a missing tooth.

He wished he could have run upstairs with her as the kids took off after dinner. AJ was openly hostile towards Chip. Emily stopped with the fake smile, her eyes were empty, her tone flat as soon as they left. Monica hovered between AJ, Brenda and himself, every time she tried to stop hovering over him pain flashed in her eyes and he felt guiltier. Edward was discussing Elizabeth's life as if it was business. Maybe the scariest part was Jason was thankful for that. He could handle the logistics, he couldn't handle telling Jake, seeing Audrey, never getting to apologize to Liz.

And Brenda…

Brenda looked lost. He was pretty sure she would have run too, if like he, she physically could have. Her hand frequently dropped to her stomach and a smile or two managed to appear during the conversation.

They sat there discussing a life he didn't recall eventually. The menial going ons of life that normally seemed tremendous, but when in the light of this seemed insignificant.

The fact that Robin, Patrick and their daughter Emma were on a spur of the moment trip and weren't due to return for another week. Edward offered to send the jet for them once they found out.

The fact that Monica despite a leave of absence was due to start back at the hospital in the morning because Steven and Sarah would be out for the immediate future.

They talked about how AJ was going to send Rory back to school in two days most likely. This was decided after someone had decided that Jake should be told when he saw Audrey.

Then it was odd as Edward, Monica and Chip discussed how to support Jake without the other children feeling excluded.

AJ had finally looked at him when that started and said, "Officially in the Twilight Zone now."

He had nodded his head in agreement.

The doorbell rang, AJ stopped Monica when she tried to get it. "I need to stretch my legs anyway."

Jason wouldn't be surprised if they never saw him again.

-o-o-o-

AJ smiled seeing Courtney, it was a confused smile, but he still smiled, "Hey."

Courtney and Spencer returned the greeting.

"Rory upstairs?" She asked.

"Yea," he nodded.

"Why don't you go upstairs and hang out for a while?" Courtney smiled down at her son.

"K"

AJ opened his mouth to speak, but Courtney beat him to it as Spencer ran up the stairs.

"You almost died," blue eyes were large as that fact still stunned her, her voice low.

He stood frozen, there was no clever remark off of his lips.

"You almost died," she repeated.

He found his voice, "I'm fine."

Her head shook, "You almost died."

"Come on," he smiled at her, his thumb going to her jaw, "I didn't. I'm fine."

"You could die going to the supermarket. You could die taking a shower," her voice cracked, "you could leave me forever. I wouldn't even have the right to grieve." Tears streamed down her face, his thumb was frozen. "I can't," her head shook, it didn't dislodge him, "I can't keep pretending to be happy with Nikolas. I can't leave you in pain because of how it looks…I'm supposed to be taking care of you." Her head shook once more still looking up at him, "I keep telling myself I shouldn't love you. I should love Nikolas."

"You should," AJ finally whispered.

"I know," she shrugged and gave a hapless smile, "but I don't. I love you. I really shouldn't," she chuckled slightly.

"Nikolas is a good guy," _he didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve anyone, but especially not her._

"You're a good guy," she shrugged again, "you're the guy I was marrying a decade ago. It just took you a really long time to show up," she laughed up at him.

He unexpectedly laughed down.

"I don't want to keep being afraid to live our future because of our past."

"Court-"

"Do you love me?" She asked him.

"You know I do."

"I've left Nikolas. I'm not going back. It isn't fair to any of us, least of all Spencer. Nik-"

It was then that the living room erupted. They had been silent, hiding as Courtney and AJ remained in the entryway, thankfully speaking loud enough to be overheard. Brenda had given Jason the death glare and captured his hand as he had gone to get up as Courtney began her speech. Monica had patted Emily's hand as she frowned, still in her stunned and distant state. Emily had started to react as she heard Nikolas's name mentioned, the entire room had started to watch her, then suddenly the frown gave way to fury. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Emily, I didn't know you were here," Courtney stuttered out as Emily stormed out of the room.

"Of course you didn't because you're so preoccupied with yourself that you can't even think of others."

"Em," AJ's eyes were wide.

"Do you have any idea what Nikolas is going through right now? Do you even care? You just left him and took his son."

"We talked-"

"Did you think he would do anything, but agree? He has bent over backwards for you because he has felt so guilty because of Helena."

"We both-" Courtney tried to interject, but Emily would have none of that.

Emily quickly glanced up the stairs to make sure the kids weren't around, "One of his best friends just died and you destroy the only family he has left? He has barely even slept in days and you just leave him? Alone?" She shook her head, "I didn't know anyone in the world could be so selfish." She grabbed her coat.

"Em-" AJ tried to stop his sister from rushing off angry.

"Where the hell is my purse?" She looked around the foyer, furious at it for impeding her escape.

"Em-" AJ repeated, not at all willing to remind her she came in through the back, so it was still in the kitchen.

Awareness dawned on her face and she spun on her heel.

"Let her go," Courtney whispered as AJ tried to chase after her. "She needs him as much as I need you."

The entire living room was to their feet by this point and the few steps Courtney had taken after AJ allowed her to notice them.

"Hi," she spoke warily.

"Courtney this is Chip," Monica nodded at the man next to her.

"Nice to meet you," Courtney greeted him with a slow nod and entered the room.

They stood around for a few moments more with a few more awkward attempts at greetings before Edward finally had enough. "Alright, you two go get your bags. I think it's clear AJ doesn't need his mother around."

"Oh no-" Courtney's eyes went wide again and her head shook.

"I can't leave AJ alone overnight," Monica informed her father in law, "are you staying the night Courtney?"

Courtney's mouth dropped open, "I…uh."

"Where else would she go?" Edward frowned.

That prompted her into thought again, "I should go to a hotel."

"Half the reporters are staying at the Metro Court," Edward pointed out, "if you aren't staying here then you should come back to the house."

"She's staying here," AJ's voice went firm.

She turned back in surprise.

"Spencer likes it here," AJ simply defended.

"Okay," she nodded slowly. Letting the happiness slowly creep in that he wanted them with him.

"Now that we have that settled," Edward nodded, "you two get your stuff, you two get your children." He studied the bloated and battered couple, he turned back to Monica, "Actually you get their children."

"You guys don't need to go anywhere because of me," Courtney's head shook.

"Oh trust us, not a problem," Brenda's head shook. She grabbed Jason's hand and pulled him along with her as she walked out of the living room. He did his best to avoid frowning at the couple. "Guys," Brenda yelled up the stairs, "we're going."

"I'll call Emily and let her know that we're at the house," Monica nodded as she headed towards the stairs.

"Yea," Brenda nodded, "I'll text her. I don't think she's coming back here tonight anyway."

Jason continued trying not to frown.

"Hellooo!" Brenda called out again as Monica headed up the stairs with Chip trailing after her.

All four of the kids appeared at the top of the stairs, "We aren't done!" Jake informed his stepmother.

"Whatever you're doing can wait until tomorrow. You have toys at home. Let's go."

"Am I going?" Spencer asked in confusion.

"No you're staying," Brenda answered before anyone else, "you two can go back to playing. Everyone say goodbye."

As the chaos of goodbyes commenced upstairs, Edward took Courtney's hands, "Welcome back to the family my dear."

-o-o-o-

A few hours later, Jason and Brenda were once more alone. The boys were upstairs, bathed and asleep, or as Brenda had declared it, the goal of every day.

Jason had no idea if Jake had any idea what was waiting for him the next day. The little boy was quieter than normal according the Brenda and Jason had already witnessed numerous times how clever he was.

"Jake's really smart isn't he?" Jason suddenly asked, breaking the awkward silence of the living room.

She smiled, "We have the report cards to show for it."

"I never really thought of who he'd be when he grew up, I just wanted him to grow up."

"He is. They both are. They're your sons."

"They're amazing."

"I know," she smirked.

"How did I end up being his father?" He suddenly asked. Emily had told him that the truth came out and it had been Brenda to make him take visitation. He had seen the videos focused on only Jake at the start that somehow evolved into a natural relationship between him and his son.

She looked over with a frown, not knowing what he expected.

"Emily said you made me take visitation."

"You wanted him Jason," her words were firm.

"I always wanted him," his head shook, "but my life-"

"You walked away for Jake. You gave that all up for Jake. You didn't even hesitate Jason. There wasn't even a choice when it came to his safety. You are a good father; you've always loved him with everything you have."

"But I-"

"When a parent loves a child enough to do anything for them. No matter how much it hurts. A child deserves to know that kind of parent. They deserve to have that kind of love in their life."

"Lucky-"

"Loves him and is still a great stepfather, but you're his father Jason and eventually Lucky realized that."

"So you decided I should be his father?" He looked over at her dryly.

"I just said what you couldn't Jason. You wanted to be his father."

He looked ahead for a moment, at the blank tv screen. He thought of the boys asleep upstairs, there was no half about their brotherhood. There was nothing tentative or hesitant about Jake's love for Jason or his trust. He had never expected or even thought of those things when he had let him go. "Did I ever say thank you?" Jason turned back to Brenda.

She smiled, "Eventually."

"Thank you," he nodded at her.

"You're welcome," she nodded back.

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_Thanks for reading and thanks for all the reviews last time and yes that last scene was definitely because of what is happening on GH (um yes I caved and watched a bit…I had commercial breaks to fill yesterday :-P)_


	12. Chapter 12

::Sigh:: FFN is now once more keeping things centered when I upload, but now they randomly underline things and italicize more than what I had. That's actually more annoying than how words randomly change over time. Lol. And I don't get how ANY of that actually happens.

Thanks for reading guys and the reviews. I'm not going to be giving up on my stories it's just that GH did something that seemed to break all future Brazen in my mind. Or as I always say, THEY'RE KILLING MY SHOW! ::Sigh:: Btw due to a review there is totally going to be a story-line change in 2 chapters. Or at least half of what a review requested (I'm still trying to think up a way to come up with the other half. :-P).

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**Part 12**

He smiled at the production she made out of bed. She got into her pajamas (which she had been out of for 5 hours). She pulled her hair up into a knot, she washed her face. She applied creams (3 of them). Threw an eye cream at him (he threw it in the garbage). She adjusted the thermostat (he debated pulling on a long sleeved shirt). She climbed into bed, adjusted her pillows. She was still adjusting them five minutes later.

She finally stilled.

"Are you done?" he looked over.

"What?"

"This is your idea of collapsing into bed?"

"Aren't we in bed?"

"25 minutes later."

"Oh shut up and turn off the lights," she closed her eyes.

He leaned over and clicked them off.

"Jason?" she asked minutes later.

"Go to sleep," he ordered.

She ignored him. "Tell me we're going to be okay."

He rolled his head to the side and looked at her, her eyes desperate. _She loved him. She didn't just love the guy in the videos, she still loved him, whatever, whoever he was. The façade she kept trying to keep up had once more fallen and she was left bare before him. A woman who loved her husband and was terrified at the thought of a life without him. _"We're going to be okay." He paused, "Tired, but okay."

Her lips twitched up in a smile and she closed her eyes.

-o-o-o-

Jason chuckled despite his misery. Once more Jake had ventured into their room in the middle of the night dragging his groggy brother behind him. The boys climbed into bed, while Jason helped heave Brenda to her feet. Now though as he had turned onto his stomach somewhere in the middle of the night Garrett had ended up on his back. Completely stretched out across Jason's back instead of the bed, leaving Jason effectively trapped.

He laid there for minutes trying to figure out if he was feeling Garrett's breath or drool on his back.

Thankfully, Brenda's phone rang, she blindly groped for it next to her, her blurry eyes barely able to make out Lucky's name on the screen.

"Make it stop," Jake ordered.

"Trying," she promised. "Hello?" Began the one sided conversation the rest of the bed heard.

"No school. Still sleeping."

"I don't know, I'll ask."

"You guys want to go over to Alexis's later?"

"Kristina's mean," Jake grumbled.

"She's a preteen, what do you expect?"

"What's going on?" Garrett mumbled.

"Want to go play at Alexis's later?" _This was entirely too much talking for Brenda._

"Do I hafta play with Molly?"

"Like the girls want to play with you," Brenda quickly retorted.

"Cam'll be there?"

"Yes."

"K."

"K," Brenda repeated."K see you then. Yea you do that." Brenda's phone was dropped in between her and Jake.

"Do what?" Jason asked with a frown trying to figure out how Brenda's refusal to let the boys out of the gated community suddenly disappeared.

"Call back and remind me of this conversation."

"It's almost 8. We should get up. Have breakfast," Jason suggested.

"No," they all grumbled and shut their eyes.

-o-o-o-

"Change your underwear," Brenda called out after the boys as they left the room to get dressed.

Jason just looked at her.

"I can't wait to have girls," was her only response.

"I thought you didn't want the boys out in town," he ignored her statement.

"Just places there are cameras. They didn't stake out Alexis's. It'll be good for Jake to see the kids."

"Does Alexis still hate me?"

Brenda shrugged, making it clear that Jason wasn't exactly Alexis's favorite person. "We have 2 days until Sonia comes. I am not cleaning up after that many kids."

"You've cleaned?"

"Shut it," she ordered as she smirked.

-o-o-o-

"That sounds amazing, I'll ask Jason."

Jason turned back to Brenda, who was once more on the phone with Lucky. Amazing was certainly an upgrade in the conversation since a few minutes ago, they'd been talking about having all the kids at the house at once with Audrey, so they could be told together.

"Lucky wants to know if we want him to just pick up the kids, so you know we can do this all day." This being sitting on the sofa watching mindless television.

Jason didn't know if it was his injuries or if he was simply aging, but he was exhausted. Five hours with the boys left him ready to take a nap with them. Brenda didn't look like she was faring any better, but their minds were too preoccupied with the upcoming event to allow for them to sleep. "Sounds good."

"We both adore you," Brenda answered Lucky. "K see you in an hour."

She ignored the look he gave her.

"We need massages," she told him.

"Does somewhere hurt?" He was quick to question.

"Everything hurts Jason. Forty pounds Jason."

"Pick one," he said sitting up.

She looked at him suspiciously, "You're going to give me a massage?"

He moved over.

Considering how handsy Jason Quartermaine was with his wife in all the videos, it seemed highly unlikely he hadn't normally been giving his pregnant wife whatever relief he could. "Are you telling me I don't normally do this?" His wife, his daughters. _The scans he saw already showed him they were gorgeous and perfect and a miracle._

"You normally do a lot of things I haven't been making you do," sadness passed across her face briefly.

"Like what?" He had to begin somewhere. Even if he couldn't remember he had to try to get back to being her husband, being the boys' father in all ways.

Her eyes lifted to the ceiling, "Kiss me, hold me, tell me you love me."

_There was only now, only this moment. He could choose to begin their lives again or exist in limbo. _His hand went to her jaw and he looked into her eyes, "I love the life you've given to me. I love the life we have together. I love what a good mother you are." He kissed her softly on the lips. He pulled back, "Now pick a spot," he lightened the mood.

"Back," she ordered.

They readjusted and Jason's hands were soon on her.

"I love you," she whispered with closed eyes, "with everything I have."

"I know," he whispered back.

-o-o-o-

He opened the door to Sam as Brenda was upstairs making sure the boys were ready. He nodded, "I thought Lucky was coming?" They were taking two cars

"I wanted to see you," she nodded slowly. Looking at him and seeing Jason, her Jason, not Brenda's Jason, the man that was so far removed from the man she had loved for years, but Jason, the man she had hurt and who had hurt her. "Can we?" she nodded into the house.

_She knew. _"Sorry," he stepped back and let her into the house.

"Where are-" her hand waved.

"They should be upstairs for a few more minutes."

Now that she was here, she had no idea what to say, she opened her mouth and was surprised by the words that came out of it, "You hate me again."

"No," Jason was taken aback and instantly remembered Emily's words about Sam's health, "of course not."

"Yea," she nodded, "you do."

"No," he said looking at her and realizing the truth, "I don't. I never did, I was mad at you." _Furious, distraught…_

She didn't believe him.

"I was angry at how it worked out."

"You were all I had Jason," she defended herself.

"I know."

"You threw me away," her voice cracked. Somehow over the years, they had evolved into polite acquaintances. He mentally wasn't even the same person she had left, he had been slowly morphing into Jason Quartermaine. Jason Morgan had been gone before she even realized it and she had never gotten the chance to say goodbye.

The words caught in his throat, "I didn't mean to."

"I know that now, but I could never say I was sorry. I never got the chance. You were my best friend for years…"

"I'm sorry."

Her head shook, "You said that and you meant it. I never meant it all the times I said it. I couldn't I was too angry and hurt. By the time I could say it, I didn't even know you."

His head tilted he still had questions.

She recognized the gesture, "I left and you were brooding and alone. I came back and you were brooding, but with a family. Then somewhere you just became happy." She laughed suddenly.

He tensed because that man in the videos seemed truly joyful of life constantly. He had no idea how to do that.

"You deserve it more than anyone I know."

"Sam!" Jake yelled from the top of the stairs.

She wiped away her tears and turned quickly with a smile on her face, "Hey buddy!"

"Where's everyone?" Jake questioned hurrying down the stairs.

"They're over at Alexis's already."

"Where's your brother?" Jason questioned.

"He's packing toys."

"You can't just play with what's at Alexis's?" Jason frowned.

"I can," Jake shrugged.

"Got it," Garrett called from the top of the stairs, heaving a bookbag that looked like it weighed more than him.

Brenda was behind him laughing.

"Garrett you're going over there for a couple hours," Jason said hurrying up the stairs before his son could kill himself walking down the stairs with that bag.

"But they're girls," was his entire explanation.

Jason looked up at Brenda as he took the bag from Garrett.

"Apparently girls don't have any cool toys."

Jason sighed. "Fine," he carried down the bag.

"Hi Sam," Brenda smiled from the top of the stairs.

"Hi," Sam waved up.

"I'm going to go shower," Brenda informed her husband. "I'll see you boys later."

"K"

"Bye."

"Okay," Jason answered then focused his attention on the boys. "Coats?"

"Oh yea," Jake nodded and pulled Garrett towards the hooks.

-o-o-o-

He slowly collapsed back onto the couch. Yet again unsure what he was supposed to do with himself when no one was around. Considering he had no interest in moving he figured it was between the television and his laptop. He leaned forward and grabbed the laptop. He fingered thoughtlessly through the files, looking for something new to catch his focus. Hoping for anything to show him how to be the man in the videos. He arranged them by date again. He knew most of the early photos contained only shots of Jake, the adults in the shots were more a means to pose Jake.

He opened, Robin's BBQ 2008. He had originally skipped it assuming they were Brenda's personal pictures that like everything else of Brenda's had managed to invade his space. He laughed seeing the pictures start with Brenda making jello shots. Then familiar faces started to trickle into the outdoor space of what he assumed was the house Brenda had lived in with Robin. He smiled seeing Robin pregnant, she glowed with joy. The faces were mostly familiar, from the hospital, only a half a year into a familiar future, much unlike the one he had woken up in. He paused as suddenly Liz was on his screen. Holding a young Jake with a small baby bump. The next had Lucky next to her holding Cameron. _She looked happy. _

A few photos later had Brenda sitting on the grass with Jake on her lap as she played at some toy with Cameron.

'_There were times when I was pregnant, I was worried I wouldn't love Garrett as much as Jake.' _She hadn't been exaggerating, she had obviously adored Jake even then and it was obvious Jake was equally as captivated.

A few dozen photos later, he was there.

Eventually there was a picture with his arm around an intoxicated Brenda while holding Jake.

_'Then somewhere you just became happy.'_

That's what that look was. He was smiling for the picture, but there was more to it. The amusement he had in earlier pictures, mostly directed at an intoxicated Brenda was still present. He seemed to truly be enjoying himself. That look that had been absent in his life for quite some time. He clicked more coming across a video of the event, which he skipped looking for more photos and then another, *Edited Drunk Brenda Highlights (Love you!).

He snorted and clicked play. It began with Brenda and Matt making jello shots and a group discussion in the kitchen of how amazing they were. Then there were several short shots of Brenda with various drinks in her hand and throwing back jello shots as the party progressed.

Then Jake whining in Lucky's arms as they were just arriving with his arms outstretched to Brenda. Her smile was bright and her drink went down as she claimed the little boy.

'Don't drop him Brenda,' Patrick chuckled from behind the camera.

She shot him a dirty look.

Then Brenda was on the ground with Jake in her arms as she played with Cameron, her drink just far enough away to elicit, 'Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down' from Patrick as she bent and a laugh that sounded distinctly Robin.

_'What are you doing Brenda?' Robin questioned as Brenda was very focused texting on her cell._

_'Texting Jason.'_

_'Brenda, are you drunk texting? That really never ends up well.'_

_'Whatever, Jason's a loser.'_

_'Are you telling Jason that?'_

_'I always tell Jason that and he's an ass.'_

_'Uh…Why don't you give me your phone Brenda?'_

_Brenda looked up in confusion._

_'Why are you guys hiding?' Patrick asked walking up off camera. _

_'Brenda's texting Jason.'_

_'Oh this should be great,' Patrick chuckled._

Jason watched as he arrived in the past. It was odd to see a video of himself and not remember it. The guy on the screen all the other times had been Jason Quartermaine, but the guy walking towards Brenda in a white tee shirt and jeans was him.

_'You're videotaping this?' Patrick questioned his girlfriend._

_'I need proof. That and I'm thinking this is going to be great blackmail.'_

_'You're evil.'_

_'And you like it,' she laughed._

_Brenda caught sight of him and lit up. 'I take it back, you're not an ass,' her arms flung around his neck._

_'You're wasted.'_

_'Happy.'_

_Robin sniggered._

_'Which is your word for drunk.'_

_She shook her head at him._

_He chuckled down at her._

_'I'm glad you came."_

_His eyes lifted up to the sky, then back down to her, his lips up in a smile. 'You're going to have a horrible hangover.'_

_'But I feel good now.'_

_He laughed and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. _

_'And they're not involved,' Robin softly spoke._

He kept watching. Watched as he frequently kept an arm around Brenda under the guise of keeping her upright. He watched how happy she looked looking up at him, how she frequently completely ignored him for Jake. They didn't look like a couple just starting out, they looked like a family. They probably never even dated.

He watched as he had a seemingly fine conversation with Lucky. The antipathy no longer present in the young man's eyes. Lucky saw just as Jason now saw that the threat of Jason and Liz was no longer present. He didn't love loudly and to some he might seem uninterested in Brenda, but he knew better and apparently so did those around him. He had been in love with her, it hadn't been sex or convenience, it had been love.

Liz joined their circle that was discussing the city's plans to put in a roundabout, with her shoulders squared and tense, despite the smile on her face. He watched with interest, but seconds later Brenda declared, '_You're putting Jake to sleep, we're going to go play,' _she put her hands out for Jason to pass over the little boy.

The video cut off again. The next shot was of Brenda and Jake on the grass swatting at the bubbles Jason was blowing at them. Robin was cracking up as she shot it, and just before Brenda demanded Robin sit down and try it did the camera capture Liz looking on with a blank expression and Lucky noticing it.

He hit pause and closed the window. The guilt…

The reason why Jason Quartermaine had checked out, he could understand it. He shut the lid and went in search of something else to do.

-o-o-o-

He ended up in the girls' room, aka the floral explosion. He grabbed the boxes of the custom flower mobiles out of the crib the last incomplete project in the room. The only other project he had left himself was putting together high chairs and considering it would be months before the girls would even go near those…

He smiled first as he picked up the trash and stepped back to study his completed work. Despite it all they were ready to welcome home 2 babies whenever they decided to come.

He wandered into their room to check up on Brenda, assuming she had fallen asleep after her shower. The bed was empty and he could still hear the water running.

"Brenda," he knocked on the bathroom door worried. _No response. _He repeated the action, then opened the door fearful something had happened.

She was sobbing.

"Brenda?" he took a step towards the glass shower, partially hidden from his view due to its tucked away location.

It took a second, but he got, "I'm fine."

He could hear the sob being bitten back despite the shower, so he grabbed a towel and continued on.

She was sitting on the portable bench in the shower that even he had used. She was distraught and all baby. He was awed by her body for only a second, once more confronted with the fact that his two daughters were right there, right in front of him and very nearly ready to enter the world. Their mother however was the more pressing concern.

"I can't," she fell apart again.

He leaned in and turned off the shower and went to wrap the towel around her.

"I hate her," a fresh stream of tears went down her cheeks as she blinked.

He squatted in front of her and let her continue.

"How could she do this to him?" Another sob, "How could she be so selfish to do this to him? He is never going to be the same. We can never take this away. He isn't even six. He's never going to be able to forget." Her words were interspersed with sobs and Jason could do nothing, but wait for her to get out the anger and pain.

A giant sob wracked through her, "He was just an innocent little child…He still believed in Santa….He deserved that. He wasn't supposed to know about this, he wasn't supposed to LIVE it."

"He's going to get through this," Jason promised her.

"She was supposed to protect him and she drove him into the water," she locked her eyes with his. "You can't ever forget that. The car in the air, hitting the water, the water all around you. You can't ever forget that."

_Veronica. _He hadn't even thought of that.

"My mother was at least sick. Liz was…" Her head shook. "I hate her. I hate what she stole from him. There is nothing that I'm ever going to be able to do to make that better."

"Br-"

"How do you make this better?" she railed. "Tell me Jason. Just tell me how. How do I protect him from everything everyone is going to say about her? How do I make it so he can sleep in his own bed at night? Not be afraid we're going to disappear on him. He wasn't supposed to even think about things like this and now he's living them."

"We'll help him through it," Jason promised. _Hell he'd ask Kevin if need be._

"How could she be so selfish? She's their mother, she was supposed to put them first."

"I know," he had resigned to that fact, that somehow Liz's panic and anger had been stronger than putting the kids first. He still couldn't understand how it had happened, but it had.

"I can't say those words to him. I can't see that in his face."

He frowned, hoping Brenda would have the good sense not to call Liz selfish to Jake. "What words?"

Her voice dropped to a whisper, "That she's dead." Her eyes closed, "I can't tell him it's going to be okay, when it's not_. It was never okay."_

Brenda had grown up thinking her mother was dead. Her father died when she was a teenager. She had been alone in the world aside from Julia.

Jason had never been alone even when he had been thrust into the world without memories, he had not been without family even when he tried to escape them. "It's not the same Brenda."

Her eyes opened.

"He's never going to be alone."

"It isn't the same."

"It's all we can do."

* * *

AN: Brenda doesn't actually think Liz purposely drove the car into the water. She kidnapped Jake, scared him and put him in danger, in short, she put herself in front of him. Those are Brenda's issues. The car focus is because of Veronica. Brenda remembers being a child without a mother and she remembers her mother nearly killing her when she was an adult. Unaddressed issues that make up who Brenda is, feelings she wanted to save her kids from.


	13. Chapter 13

**Shoutout**: So I sent this to **Lori2279** to see if it was actually "off" or just felt off to me. She emailed back with, "Sounds fine, but change Luckily to Lucky in the _scene." Me: I swear I was not done editing O:-) . What does the sweetheart do? She edited it for me and most importantly you guys. So not only is it being posted today, but it's being posted in better shape than I ever do. :-P So thanks again!

Thanks for all the GREAT reviews last chapter. As always we're in agreement the writers missed the boat by skipping over Brazen. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.

* * *

******Part 13**

Jason didn't leave Brenda alone after she had composed herself. She got dressed, brushed her hair and fell asleep. He remained watching her. He was still watching her as her lids opened slowly and her eyes instantly focused on him across the room.

"Only mildly crazy, I swear," she promised.

He smiled, "I didn't forget everything."

She laughed softly; then her smile fell, "What time is it?"

"Almost 3:30."

"I should order food," she pushed up. If she didn't get food into Jake immediately upon his return she doubted she would after Audrey arrived.

"That's probably a good idea."

"Anything you're in the mood for?"

"Not really." Jason's appetite was already gone, in less than two hours he would have to watch his son's heart break.

"K."

-o-o-o-

She was in the bathroom when his phone rang, the bathroom preceded her every activity; he was already used to that fact.

Alexis (Home), was the name he saw when he looked down.

"Sam?" he quickly answered.

"No, it's me Kristina. Sam's with Jake."

"What happened?" Jason instantly grew worried.

"Cameron told Jake and Lori about Liz, you need to get over here. I already called Lucky. Jake's a mess."

"We'll be right there."

"Be right where?" Brenda asked walking out.

"Cameron told Jake about Liz."

"How did he find-"

"I don't know."

-o-o-o-

They didn't speak on the drive over. His shoes weren't laced, half of Brenda's feet were exposed in the ballet flats she had left by the door, she had only remembered to grab her purse at the last minute; their coats had just been flung into the car, not put on.

Kristina had the door open before he even finished pulling up.

Jason's rational side only made an appearance to help Brenda out of the sporty SUV.

The scene before them instantly broke both of their hearts. Lucky was seated on the floor with Jake on his lap, his arms trapping the young boy with his head was bent towards the boy. The same heartbroken, grief stricken, while trying to be strong face Jason and Brenda had been bracing themselves for all day was on Lucky's face.

Jason paused suddenly wondering if he should even try to interfere as he realized that despite how close Jake was with him, Lucky had been the one with him on a daily basis for years. Lucky had been there for nightmares, all of the firsts, all of the daily events a weekend father missed.

Then suddenly Jake looked up, "Daddy," he cried and Lucky quickly opened his arms to let the young boy escape.

Jason bent to pick up the boy running at him, for the first time not noticing the pain. "They're lying," Jake said with his arms clutching Jason's neck, "tell them they're lying."

Lucky was wearily standing having aged decades in a matter of days.

"I wish I could," Jason softly spoke.

"MB?" Jake's tiny voice creaked out in desperation.

"Oh baby," was all she could say as she took his small hand in hers.

They stayed there for moments longer. Jason could feel Jake's heart pounding furiously against his chest, the warmth of Brenda on his back.

"I want to go home," Jake finally spoke again.

"Hey bud," Lucky walked over and placed a hand on Jake's back, "I know you do. But Grandma's gonna be here in a few minutes and she could really use a hug. Think you can do that?"

Jake nodded.

"I'm gonna go try to talk to Cam," Lucky nodded.

-o-o-o-

Lucky left them alone in Alexis's living room as he went to relieve Sam. Garrett soon came running into the room from the playroom with a bossy, Molly chasing after him telling him he was supposed to stay in the room. Alexis soon came rushing out as well with Lori and Dani right behind her, apologizing for Garrett sneaking out.

He had seen pictures and videos of them, so seeing them only reconfirmed what Emily had said, the two girls so close in age were practically twins. They both had their mothers' brown hair and their eyes were both light and they walked hand in hand. Emily had mentioned they had been exceptionally clingy since the incident.

Audrey had arrived soon after them with Sarah and Steven. Jake made it through a few minutes with her, attempting to play to dutiful great-grandson to his 'Grams,' but he soon asked if they could leave and she had told him they could.

Jake was uninterested in any conversation on the drive home and once they arrived he offered to play the cherry game with his brother even though he hated it. Garrett soon caught on to his brother's mood and kept offering to play everything he knew his brother enjoyed. By the end of the long and painfully quiet night Jake and Garrett had been tucked into the master bed without any preface of pretending they would be sleeping elsewhere and Brenda and Jason were sitting in the nearby guest room so they wouldn't wake the boys talking.

"Melissa is coming by in the morning," Brenda informed him.

"The nanny?"

Brenda nodded.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"They haven't seen her all week. It'll be good for them," she nodded.

_Continuity, familiar things…_To show that the entire world hadn't changed when in fact it had.

"I need to go out for a little while."

He skeptically looked at her.

She looked down at her stomach, "Kelly will hunt me down soon."

"Did you miss an appointment?" He frowned; he hadn't thought of that, Brenda would be at the point where she would be having weekly appointments. Twins, her age and the advanced state of her pregnancy.

"Just a few days."

"Brenda-"

"Don't start," she ordered.

"We can take the boys."

She quickly shook her head, "It's too soon; there are too many people."

"Br-" He appreciated her wanting to protect Jake, but he couldn't remain in a bubble for the rest of his life.

"Emily said she'd take me."

The thought of that bothered him, the thought that he might possibly miss all of his children's appointments prior to their births if he never remembered. He tensely nodded anyway.

"They need to stay in," she had a hand on her stomach.

Jason didn't disagree with her with Liz's memorial in 2 days he was well aware Brenda was needed to keep everything functioning, especially Jake. "They are your children."

She smiled, "We said that about Garrett then we were driving home from Niagara with me in labor positive I was going to have him on the side of the road."

He laughed the sudden change in atmosphere a welcome relief. "Why Niagara anyway?" Jason had wondered that when he first saw the pictures of Brenda largely pregnant in a sundress and he in jeans exchanging vows by the water with only Patrick and Robin as their witnesses.

"Too pregnant to fly and Niagara seemed equally clichéd," she smiled.

He laughed.

"We went just to get away. We just moved, the house was a mess," she shook her head, "we were going to kill each other if we stayed in it."

He laughed.

"We were in a B&B with all of these annoying newlyweds and figured we might as well. Got the license, called Robin, they came up in the morning we got married. Had lunch, filed the license. We had this amazing romantic dinner and then got to have a fantastic night driving back to Port Charles in labor with Robin holding my hand."

He chuckled.

"It's really not funny Jason," she shook her head. "I have these epically bad weddings."

"The last one seemed to go fine."

She rolled her eyes, "That's because there's no video of us arriving at our suite at the Metro Court and getting a call from Emily telling us that Garrett had a stomach bug."

Jason flinched.

She laughed, "We woke up with dried vomit on us the morning after."

Jason flinched again.

"At least with you I actually have the weddings," she smiled.

He laughed.

-o-o-o-

Jason's eyes crept open as he heard a noise and felt the dog climb over him on his way to the pet stairs.

There was a young blonde in his doorway that mouthed "Sorry." Melissa he realized from the pictures.

He was about to close his eyes again when he heard, "Missy?" as Garrett pushed himself up using Jason's chest.

"Shh," she rushed into the room and was soon leaning over Jason to grab the boy before he could disturb his mother or brother.

Jason let his eyes close again, relishing the free space of the bed.

-o-o-o-

"Why don't you go with Brenda?" Melissa asked while Brenda was upstairs getting dressed for her appointment.

"She doesn't want Jake-"

"I think Jake will be fine for an hour without you guys," the 20 year old nodded at the two boys making an art project at the dining room table. "Maybe I can even get him started on some of the work he missed so he doesn't fall behind."

He looked skeptically at her.

"It'll take you 15 minutes to get back here if I need you," she pointed out. When he didn't say anything she smiled at the boys, "Hey guys, do you mind if your dad goes out with your mom for a bit?"

"Where are you going?" Jake viewed him suspiciously.

"Doctor's appointment for the babies."

"Those are _borrring_!" Garrett announced.

"K," Jake turned his head back down to his project.

"You sure?"

Jake looked up suddenly wiser than his years with a look that Jason recognized as his own, "I'm fine."

"I'm going to call Emily, tell her she doesn't need to pick up Brenda," Jason nodded at Melissa.

-o-o-o-

Emily was waiting for them as they left Kelly's office and soon Brenda was suggesting he return to the kids while she grabbed a coffee with Emily. He had known by the look they gave him that his only answer was to agree with that.

"Hey," Courtney greeted him with an uneasy smile as he walked into his house.

"Hey," he returned the greeting just as warily. "The kids okay?"

"Oh yea, they're fine. They're all upstairs with Missy."

_Missy_. Brenda had neglected to mention that nickname, he thought it was just something the kids called her. He had a 20 year old college student named Missy as his nanny. _Seriously?_

"AJ's pretty much in meetings all day-"

"He's back at work?"

"He went back yesterday for a meeting. He couldn't avoid going back any longer."

Jason didn't say anything.

"Listen, can we talk?"

"I thought we were."

"You know what I mean Jason," her head tilted.

"Fine," he curtly nodded at the woman he had once married, but who was now once more with his brother.

"Let's go to the kitchen, I promised the kids pizza for lunch."

He followed her.

"So," she turned once they were in the kitchen, she frowned, "can you sit down?"

He silently walked behind the breakfast bar and took a seat.

"So let's just both agree that this is awkward and be aware of the fact that I'm going to put my foot in my mouth with pretty much every other word."

Jason finally said, "Okay," when she kept looking expectantly on.

"AJ has changed."

"How does that erase-"

"It doesn't erase anything Jason," she cut him off. "It means that he's more than something he did years ago."

"He-"

"I know what he did Jason," she cut him off again, "normally you know what he did as well. No one has forgotten a single horrible thing AJ did, but he is more than just his mistakes."

"He-"

"I know!"

He shut his mouth.

"I love him Jason and he hasn't been anything, but good to me since I came back."

"He-"

"Jason," she snapped, "you sound like one of the kids."

"You're the one that sounds naïve."

"Seriously Jason?" Her eyes went wide.

"Fine AJ's changed and you're happy, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know Jason."

"Then why are we talking about this?"

"Because I don't want it to be like this between us anymore Jason."

"Like what?"

"Like this," her hands gestured between them, "we can't talk to each other anymore."

"C-"

"Do you have any idea what it was like to come back and everyone had moved on?"

"Actually…"

"I know," her eyes closed, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry if I did anything to hurt you."

"No," her head shook, "you were never anything, but," she frowned, "cordial."

"Is that a bad thing?"

Her head shook slowly, "AJ and I were vicious with each other. I hated him so much for having that life while I was locked up. For having a child that knew him. You would barely even talk to me."

"I'm sorry."

Her head shook once more, "No Jason. I'm not…I'm not angry with you. I just wanted to be able to tell you, how happy this made me. I mean it hurt that you found it with Brenda and not me, but to come home and see you like this," her hand waved, "with them." She wiped away tears that suddenly fell from her eyes, "When I got off that plane and I saw how you held onto Brenda," her hand went to her chest, "I loved you Jason. You can't love someone and not want everything for them, but you would never let me in to be your friend so that I was able to tell you that."

"I'm sorry."

"I just can't understand it Jason."

He shrugged.

"You and Carly were the only friends I came home to and before I knew it Sonny and Carly were gone and took the boys and…" her head shook once more.

"I-"

"Do you have any idea how awkward it was trying to be friends with Sam?"

_Lucky and Nikolas were brothers. Their children cousins._

"Liz and I were never going to get along," she shook her head.

_Of course not, he had married Courtney and Liz viewed it as a betrayal._

"Emily and I-" a violent head shake.

_Were both in love with Nikolas._

"And Brenda-"

"What about Brenda?"

"Is there a single female aside from Robin, Emily and Missy that gets along with Brenda?"

"I don't think so." Quite frankly he found the fact that Brenda got along with the young, blonde nanny shocking.

"You were the only family I had left Jason and I miss you and especially now I want us to be friends again." Courtney put down the spoon she had been using to spread the sauce and placed her hand on his.

_He is your brother and as much as you hate him right now, that's how much you normally love him. _A thought started to occur to him that he didn't want to acknowledge. That he would have purposely stayed away because of AJ. "I can try."

She smiled and picked up the cheese.

"So are you and Nikolas going to get divorced?"

"We never got married. I mean I had the ring, but I think we both always knew that as much as we wanted to be together for Spencer we weren't supposed to be."

"Are you going to keep living with AJ?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I want this time to be different. We're both different. And Spencer's never had this," her head bobbed.

Jason waited.

"Rory to play with or fight with when he wakes up in the morning. He could walk across the street to play with his friends," she laughingly grimaced, "not like I'll ever let him cross the street on his own. He's going to be so embarrassed when I go away to college with him."

Jason smiled.

"So how are you doing?" Courtney asked with a concerned look, trying to move on from her own issues.

He gave her a look.

"Last thing you want to talk about," she nodded, remembering the man she had married and not the man he had become.

-o-o-o-

The pizza was cooking, Melissa had returned to her apartment to study while the kids played upstairs. Courtney was randomly filling him in on the kids' school life as he flipped through the worksheets and books Melissa had picked up from Jake's teacher.

Courtney was happy and when he didn't think about who was making her happy, it made Jason happy.

They both headed towards the front door as the bell rang. Jason wasn't sure he could handle any more surprises, but he risked it anyhow.

Carly's head was cocked to the side, a clear expression of annoyance on her face; nothing had changed, aside from the teenager behind her.

"Just the people I wanted to see," she stepped in.

"Mom," Michael scolded her.

"Fine hugs first then intervention," she shook her head.

Jason was in the middle of hugging Michael and reminding himself he had to eventually let go when he heard, "I dunno!" in Garrett's voice, then heard little feet quickly begin to take the stairs.

Jason stepped back and turned up to look up the stairs. Jason heard Rory trying to summon him again as he scooped up the little boy that rushed at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Who are they?" Garrett's lower lip stuck out.

"Hey you don't remember me? I'm your cousin, Michael," he bent down to greet the little boy.

"He's _my_ brother," Rory announced coming down the stairs.

"You don't have a brother," Garrett continued to pout.

Rory sighed, "Yes I do," she practically rolled her eyes, "and he's way bigger and more awesome than yours."

"But-" Garrett continued to pout.

Michael smiled, but quickly hid it, "I think we can all agree we're equally awesome."

Rory rolled her eyes.

"You're the most beautiful of us all though," Michael smiled.

It slightly appeased her.

"So do I get a hug hello?"

She opened her arms and said, "Hello Michael," channeling a snooty adult.

"Hello Aurora," he kept a serious face as he bent down, then scooped her up and growled into her neck messing with the perfect braids Courtney had put in her hair as Rory squealed.

"You have to come say hi to Jake and Spence," she ordered through her laughter.

"Do I? Do I?" He laughed as he continued to torture her. He turned to Jason, "Are you okay?"

_He was better than okay, _he thought looking at them. "I'm fine. Save yourself."

Michael smiled, "Good luck," he nodded at his aunt. "Hey Gar, come on let's go upstairs leave the adults to the boring stuff."

Garrett hesitated.

"It's fine, he's your cousin," Jason reassured and soon Garrett was in Michael's other arm being carried up the stairs.

"My brother is _waaaay_ more awesome!" Rory announced.

* * *

Story tidbit: Carly's arrival is because of **maliek. **She was totally not at all in the story until that review. No in person Sonny (he's fled the law), maybe a phone call though.

**Random: **Why I love Robert Scorpio! (Um yes he IS Robert Scorpio…Don't know who this Tristan dude is :-P Steve Burton only gets his real name because I had a crush on him on Out of this World-::Sigh:: Chris).

_-Many things have been said regarding Bob's writing some of them fair and some of them less so. Let's have a look at what will probably be regarded as his legacy. We have a "mob influenced storyline" and the fact that he had little respect for women. And then there's the systematic dismantling of most of General Hospitals legacy, including that of Luke and Laura, to be replaced by the noble deeds and example set by a bunch of "bargain basement criminals". I am sure I will get some flack for that statement but the fact remains that whatever thoughts, you the fan harbor in your mind and heart about this relationship the show itself has done everything possible to trash and disassemble it. I don't think there's any legacy or standard on GH that has been untouched, in some way, by this wholesale "story slaughter"._

I **HAD** to share that.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Writer's block like you would NOT believe folks. Um I'm totally blaming it on my excessive urge to write AJ lately, but knowing you people better than that. :-P Thanks for all the great reviews with the last chapter! Do not ask how many times I read them trying to get inspired for this chapter.

* * *

**Part 14**

Carly was still scowling as she spoke, "How are you actually?"

He kept his smile tapped down as the concerned friend made an appearance despite the angry one wanting to take over. "Aside from the obvious I'm fine."

"How's Jake?"

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, his son seemed to be coping, but then again he might just be ignoring the situation.

"That poor boy. He doesn't deserve this."

"Why don't we go into the living room?" Courtney suggested.

"You," Carly shot her sister in law a look, "don't think I'm going to ignore-"

"Trust me Carly I know better. Pizza's going to be done in ten minutes though."

"Thank god I'm starving I have no idea how people fly commercial."

The door began to open and they all turned. Brenda and Carly didn't waste a second.

"Of course things _could_ get worse-" Brenda's eyes lifted up to heaven.

"You mean like the fact Jason's mind actually wiped you from existence?"

"Carly!" Jason quickly scolded.

"No seriously Jason, since YOU'RE finally back explain this to me. How you of all people could end up with **her**?"

"You're still angry that he's with me and not you, aren't you Carly? That you couldn't keep him all to yourself?"

"Yea it takes a special woman to manipulate her way into living with a guy and then getting, 'accidentally' knocked up so he can never escape her."

"It still bothers you that he **asked **me to live with him while you basically barged in."

"You **invaded** his life."

"_I_ invaded his life? Are you serious?"

"I need to go check on the pizza," Courtney made a hasty retreat.

"Carly go with her," Jason ordered.

"What-"

"Five minutes Carly," Jason's voice remained firm.

-o-o-o-

"Relax," Jason ordered his wife as she fumed as Carly shot a smirking glance over her shoulder as she followed Courtney.

"Who's not relaxed? Where are the kids?"

"Upstairs with Michael."

"Michael's here?" Her voice took on a slightly upbeat tone, "Morgan too?"

"Just Michael."

"I'll go say hi."

His hand was on her arm before she could even place a foot on the stairs, "It's time for lunch."

"Then I'll-"

"Do you still have a problem with Carly because of Sonny?"

Her head tilted, "Are you serious?"

He took in her annoyed expression. "I'm missing a lot of information Brenda."

"Carly could let Sonny go," Brenda nodded at him, "letting you go. A lot harder. She never accepted me Jason, accepted us."

"It doesn't matter what Carly-"

"She spent years trying to undermine our relationship."

His head shook slightly, dismissing her words. Carly butting into his relationships was hardly a new thing.

"No Jason," she shook her head back at him, "you don't know what it's like waiting. Waiting for her to uncover that one thing that would finally make you listen to her and leave. One thing that would burrow into our relationship just enough to make it crack."

"Brenda we have a family, no matter what Carly-"

She shook her head again and he noticed that tears suddenly fell down her cheeks, "We aren't the people in those videos anymore. We aren't the people we were last week. We aren't the couple that makes sense, we're the couple that shocks again. Disbelief, confusion that's who we were for months and I see _that_ in your eyes."

"Bren-" his hands clasped onto her arms as she tried to walk away.

Her head shook, "You threw me out Jason. _That's who we are again," _she whispered.

"I'm not going to throw you out."

She gave a pitiful chuckle, "You can't. The house is in my name." Her head slowly shook once more in misery, "You left Jason."

"I'm not-"

She silenced him with another shake, "I thought I was over this. I was supposed to be over this. Everything we've had for four years," the slow shake returned. "I feel like a fool that I actually thought it would last. That we would last when nothing else ever has."

"This is not ending," he ordered looking straight down at her. "We are not ending. This family is not ending."

Her head shook slowly.

"You give up on things. You walk away from things. You ran to Jax when Sonny left you. You decided not to return after your mother's accident. You moved out after Jax left you at the altar."

"You-"

"I kept your room for you. So I'm not the one who's going to be leaving," Jason spoke bluntly.

"J-"

"When have I ever abandoned you?"

Brenda's lips twitched up slightly, "When you scramble your brain."

"The scans showed my brain was fine. So we're fine. So I need you not to let Carly bother you."

She continued to look hesitantly up at him.

"And go feed the girls because they keep kicking me," he looked down to where her belly was pressed against him.

"They're kicking _you_?" she did her best attempt at a serious face while smiling in relief.

"Go save Courtney," he smiled down at her, "you take on Carly better than anyone I've ever met."

Her brows lifted.

"If you save Courtney, you might end up being her favorite sister in law," he bit back how horrible those words tasted.

Brenda looked tempted.

He smiled. _She hadn't changed so much. _"I'm going to go get the kids for lunch."

-o-o-o-

"I am not picking up dog poop," Carly announced as she headed out the front door with Jason.

He fought the urge to roll his eyes as he always knew it would be his body screaming at him when Bunny did his business outside, but Carly had wanted to talk and this was the safest way of avoiding 7 pairs of nosey ears. It also gave Courtney a break from the AJ tirade Carly had gone on after the kids had finished lunch.

"So how are you actually doing?" Carly shot a sideways glance at her friend.

"I'm still fine." Jason really hated that question.

"Come on Jason, you can tell me. You're _married_ to Brenda."

"Haven't I been married to her for almost four years?"

"Yes, but right now you're the Jason I understand, the one that wanted to throttle her."

"It really bothered you when we started seeing each other," his lips twitched up in a smirk.

She stopped and glared at him, "You never saw each other, you slept with each other. I'm pretty sure **you** never even took her out on a date. So seriously spill."

"What do you want me to say Carly?" He resumed the walk.

"Explain to me how in about 2.5 seconds you can go from being in love with Liz to Brenda, who was sleeping with Sonny of all people. I slept with Sonny and you practically disowned me."

"I'm hoping there were different circumstances," he said without missing a step.

"You did it again didn't you? What another wink, another nudge? Another Jason save me from myself and you're just hers."

"I'm hers because I'm married to her and we have children together."

_"You think we don't all see what you're doing to Jason?" Carly said following her outing of Brenda's affair with Sonny for the entire 6th floor of GH, which meant to whole town would soon know. _

_"**What **am I doing with Jason? I mean really, Jason?"_

_"Please you've been waiting for Jason right from the start haven't you. Always reminding him of your history with Jason Quartermaine. Always pulling him into your drama. Save me Jason, save me. Save others from me. What is it now Brenda? Jason spend time with me so I don't go running back to Sonny."_

_"Shut up," Brenda threatened taking a step forward._

_"Jason isn't here now to pull you back?" Carly's shoulders lifted, antagonizing Brenda, "You might actually have to act. Rich, little boarding school girl might actually need to do something. Herself."_

_"What is your problem Carly? I kissed Sonny once while you were married, but you were a lunatic before that and considering what you did with Sonny while married to someone else or engaged or whatever."_

_"Oh don't even. You did the exact same thing."_

_"I thought I was dying."_

_Carly rolled her eyes._

_"Ladies," Epiphany announced walking back onto the floor, "this is a place of healing. Not a place to air your nasty business. Are you two even here visiting patients?" _

_The women both silenced._

_"Dr. Scorpio is in surgery," she nodded at Brenda. "Your mother is almost out and trust me I will be sure to let her know exactly how her grown daughter is behaving."_

_Brenda turned on her heel._

_"That's right run!" Carly yelled after her. _

_"Grown women," Epiphany muttered under her breath, shaking her head and walking away._

_Carly turned to say something to Epiphany when she spotted Liz, more interestingly Liz's stricken face. "What did you think he would wait around pining after you?"_

_"Brenda's really been sleeping with Sonny?" Liz swallowed hard._

_"What have you been living under a rock?"_

_"I-" Liz's mouth remained open, "I-"_

_Carly smirked. "You thought Brenda and Jason…" She smiled._

_"They," Liz's head shook slowly. _

_Carly leaned on the counter, "You're pregnant," Carly smiled as she slowly shook her head._

_"How did you-"_

_"Lucky told Bobbie," Carly continued to smile maliciously. _

_Liz tried to smile._

_"This is karma, you know that right? This is justice," Carly practically beamed._

_"What are you?"_

_"You were so dependent on Jason, you played off his guilt over Lucky, I only slept with Sonny because of what I thought I saw between you two, what you let me believe was happening."_

_"I never-"_

_Carly shook her head, "Let me finish. He could never look at me the same way because I slept with Sonny when he loved me. Same thing happened with Sam and Ric and now you…" Carly's smile was blinding. "You slept with Lucky because you got impatient and now you've lost Jason forever." _

_"But I-"_

_"You wouldn't let Jason be a father to his own son, you more than anyone deserves this."_

_"I-" Liz quickly began then stopped._

_Awareness once more crept across Carly's face, "You meant for it to get out. You meant to be overheard." Jake's paternity._

_"No I-"_

_"You're lying. You tried to force Jason into being with you and it didn't work." Carly smiled, "Asked me five minutes ago, how my day was going…But this? This is beyond amazing. This is what you had coming to you for years," Carly nodded, "it's only a matter of time before you get what you deserve from Lucky as well. This baby is actually his right?"_

_"CARLY!" Bobbie exclaimed. _

"How did it happen?" Jason suddenly asked pulling Carly out of her thoughts.

"She's like an infection, she festers and spreads," Carly scowled.

"I'm asking you as my friend, not Brenda's enemy."

"Finally remembered that did you?"

"Remembered what?"

"That I'm your friend," Carly stopped walking.

"When did I forget I was your friend?"

"One word. AJ."

Jason sighed. He really had no idea how to deal with that.

"How could you forgive him Jason?"

"I have no idea. I wouldn't."

"All those years spent listening to everyone talk about how great Jason Quartermaine was? Like bona fide idiot."

"Carly, I'm not asking about him, I'm asking about me."

"Jason trust me if I had any idea I would have been able to stop it. You just moved her in without any warning."

"Because Patrick moved into her house," Jason supplied the knowledge he knew.

Carly scoffed.

Jason frowned, "Nothing was different between us?"

"You know what she did? She wormed her way into Jake's heart."

He lifted a brow.

"She had an ulterior motive," Carly pointed a finger. "I mean seriously. Gets your son to love her, ends up homeless and pregnant within months?"

_This is what Brenda was talking about. _

"Realized she was old and haggard and if she didn't act soon, then she'd never have that."

He stared at her for a moment, "I was the one that wanted it."

"What?"

"A family," he supplied.

"And she played on that!"

"It was my apartment. Brenda could have bought an entire block of houses."

"But-"

"But I chose to take the treatment." _He had chosen to try to be more, have more. _"I wanted more."

"You thought Emily was-"

"I wanted more." He had wanted more for as long as he could remember.

"You really did do it again didn't you? Fell in love with her in 2 seconds."

"This _is _the life I wanted." He was reminded of that fact again and again.

Her eyes went wide, "That dog? These houses?"

"The boys like him," Jason could swear that dog knew they were talking bad of him, those beady little brown eyes looked just as hurt as Brenda's. "And they're just houses."

"I will never accept Brenda."

"Can you just take it easy on her now, she's-"

"Huge?" Carly quickly supplied.

"Just try to keep her calm. Jake needs her." The memorial service was tomorrow night.

"She's at least good with them," Carly offered up, "it's her only redeeming factor."

"It's not her-"

"Of course considering how old she was before she had a family-"

"Carly," he threatened.

"She isn't here," Carly shrugged, "I'm getting it out of my system."

"Did you really try to break us up?"

Her head slightly tilted.

"Carly," he accused.

"I stopped once she was pregnant. I knew how much that meant to you. Even if it was with her."

He sighed.

"I lost you to her Jason. I lost my best friend."

"Carly, I'm sure you-"

"You were always with her Jason and there was so much going on after I lost the baby. It felt like I lost you and Jax." She let out an unexpected and heartbroken laugh. "He turned so angry and resentful and you-"

"What about me?"

"That whole spring when I'd ask about Jake you'd just say he was good or things were going fine and I didn't push."

He wouldn't have supplied anything else because Carly had just lost her child and he knew how badly it hurt from experience.

"One day I took Morgan to the park and you were there with Brenda and Jake. You were laughing and fighting over who was going down the slide with Jake. Brenda said 'Daddy' and then Jake just started repeating it over and over. And you went down the slide Jason and you were happy and a father and I hadn't been around for any of it. I was supposed to be the friend by your side for that." Her eyes lifted up and she blinked away the tears. "I invited you and Jake over for a barbeque a few days later and you showed up with her because of course Jax would invite her as well. Jax moved out that night. I saw how he looked at her with Jake." Carly shook her head slowly.

"I'm sorry."

"You both left me for her."

Jason inwardly flinched at the pain in her voice.

"All three of you chose Brenda over me."

"Sonny-"

"I've always been his second choice Jason. Then my husband, as you were fighting for your life, was comforting Brenda."

Jason frowned.

"Yea," Carly nodded, "imagine how I felt. We should go inside," Carly suddenly nodded again and Jason was left with no choice, but to follow.

-o-o-o-

Courtney was walking out with Spencer and Rory as they walked up.

"Where are you going?" Carly questioned with a frown.

"We're going to go pick up AJ."

"Why are _you_ going to pick up AJ?"

"Why wouldn't we get Daddy?" Rory frowned up at Courtney.

Courtney as always plastered a smile on her face, "Carly's just used to Daddy being able to drive himself."

"Daddy said he could drive."

"Daddy would, but we know better. You need two arms to drive."

"Did you want to leave the kids?" Jason asked.

"We need to stop at Wyndham's Rory needs a dress for tomorrow."

"Spencer can stay and-"

Courtney shook her head, "I'm just going to take them both. We'll be back over for dinner later." She smiled and quickly said her goodbyes.

Carly turned to Jason, "Why do I have the feeling she's not coming back alone later?"

"I don't want to think about it," he said opening the door.

-o-o-o-

The large dining room was used for the first time Jason could remember, an awkward a mix of people as Jason could imagine as AJ was adding to the earlier group. The adults had only been managing to keep things civil by allowing the kids to lead the discussion. Only now that fragile grasp on maturity was starting to unravel as Michael talked about school and returning to Port Charles to finish high school, the 17 year old's clear annoyance at having to spend the past two years being privately tutored was starting to show. "How am I supposed to go to college when I can't even risk saying where I've been? Who is even going to let me in? I haven't taken a regents or-"

"Your father will figure it out," Carly tried to end the discussion.

"Dad and I already figured it out, I'm moving back to Port Charles."

"I said we'd discuss that this summer-"

"And you said that last spring," Michael angrily countered.

"And we discussed it."

"No, you said no. You said that I was 16 and-"

"You need your family Michael."

"Who are we surrounded by right now?" Michael's voice lifted.

"Okay guys we need to let Michael and his mom discuss this without us, you guys can watch that new movie Monica bought you," Courtney said going to get the kids out of the room before they witnessed a meltdown.

"Look at what you did?" Carly accused her son as Courtney shuffled the stragglers, AKA Rory and Jake, out of the room.

"What I did? Who dragged their kids to the middle of NOWHERE?"

"Maybe-" Jason tried to intervene.

Carly ignored him, "We will talk about this later."

"Dad and I already talked about it."

"This summer we will-"

"I'm not going back."

Carly silenced for a moment, "You're what?"

"Dad and I talked about it. I'm staying. I'm finishing up my junior year here."

"You'd just leave your family?"

"Garrett didn't even know who I was. If I go back I won't even see the twins until they're toddlers."

"Your brother-"

"I have two sisters here Mom; I don't even know who they are anymore. I mean Lucas has a kid you've never even seen, doesn't that bother you?"

"Your father-"

"Morgan and I didn't do anything-" Michael quickly countered at the injustice of having to live in exile, when they had done nothing wrong.

"I will talk about it with your grandma," Carly forced out.

"Grandma Bobbie has her own life," Michael reminded his mother.

Carly shot a glaring look at AJ, "You were alone with him for FIVE minutes."

Jason's mind quickly recalled seeing AJ and Michael outside on the patio just prior to dinner.

AJ's mouth quickly opened.

"Why do you always just accuse people of things? This was my idea."

"Oh I'm sure it was," Carly once more accusingly nodded her head at AJ.

"He is my son too Carly."

"Thankfully only biologically."

"Mom!"

Carly turned to her son.

"I actually want to get to know my sister."

"So you can live with Jason," the words quickly shot out of Carly's mouth.

Jason was surprised not to hear Brenda choking next to him.

"They're about to have four little kids, Mom. They don't need a teenager."

"You're not like the dog Michael, you can live with us," Brenda dryly informed her nephew.

A smile burst out across Michael's features. "Thank you, but that's not the point."

"No Brenda agreed. We're in agreement. You can live here."

All three men found themselves frowning at that twist.

"No Mom. We're not. I mean hell might have just frozen over, but I'm not living here."

"Why not?"

"Because this is it for me being a kid. I haven't lived with AJ since I was a baby, I've never lived with Rory. Maybe I actually want to finish school like a normal kid."

"Normal is-"

"Highly overrated I get it. It's not like I'm going to be alone with him, Mom, Aunt Courtney's there. Jason and Brenda are right across the street."

"I would feel better if you wanted to live with Edward."

"Oh come on," AJ finally had enough of keeping his mouth shut.

"Carly," Jason interjected.

"Don't you dare defend him," Carly threatened her best friend.

He wondered how often Jason Quartermaine had defended his brother. He remembered Michael spinning out of control, shooting Kate, running away, remembered thinking that maybe he should have stayed out of AJ and Carly's business. The facts returned to him: AJ was sober, Rory adored him, Courtney forgave him and Jason trusted AJ with his own children. Still though, she was right, he couldn't defend him, "I'll be right across the street."

"You want me to make **you** my child's legal guardian." Carly continued to be appalled at the thought of that.

"Are you so afraid he's going to prefer living with me?"

"You're going to buy his love," Carly informed her ex.

"Mom, we're already rich," Michael pointed out.

"I'll get him a Volvo and give him an allowance that we both agree on."

"Wait what?" Michael looked over at AJ in confusion.

"What about curfew, privileges and punishing him?" Carly questioned her ex.

"Huh?" Michael turned to his mother in confusion, "you have never-"

"Are you more than a phone call away?"

"Would you actually call?"

"Yea, so you could be the bad guy."

"I'm nearly a legal adult," Michael tried to remind them.

"Yea, no if you want to finish high school in AJ's house, then you need to abide by his rules which are my rules and if you don't like them then you can come home."

"Or I could just move out on my own in a couple of months."

"Really did you suddenly win the lottery or-"

Michael frowned. He turned to AJ, "Why are you agreeing with her?"

"Courtney would just make me do it anyhow," AJ supplied.

Another twist of his gut was inflicted on Jason, Rory had a chore chart. The chores weren't difficult, making her bed, setting the table, refilling the napkins, but she had a chore chart. Brenda had laughed and said AJ had to counter the toy store that was her playroom and the fact that her closet was starting to rival Brenda's. AJ was trying to keep her in balance as best he could. He was ready to do the same with a teenager, who was primed to hate him.

"Fine," Michael turned to his mother.

Carly groaned.

Michael smiled, "I'm going to go tell Rory."

"I'm going to go call your father and see if I can kill him over the phone," Carly smiled back.

As both Corinthoses left the room AJ tapped a finger in his chin, "I probably should have told Courtney not Michael."

Brenda snorted.

-o-o-o-

Rory had been the only one of the kids to last through the whole movie. Garrett had been the first one to knock out and by knock out, it meant climb into Jason's lap for a snuggle and then remain there for the next 45 minutes. While Jake and Spencer both struggled to stay awake and had been doing a decent job at keeping each other awake, by poking, until they both fell asleep within a minute of each other. Jason was well aware he would be watching the movie again in the morning.

Eventually it was just Jason and Brenda left alone with their sleeping children.

"Where should I put him?"

Brenda frowned.

Jason waited as always.

"Try theirs. Maybe Jake will sleep through the night," she nodded still hesitantly.

"Don't pick him up," Jason ordered as he stood still holding Garrett as he saw Brenda eyeing Jake. "Turn down their sheets?" Jason didn't want to risk the boys waking up from him jostling them and it would keep Brenda occupied.

With the boys both tucked in minutes later and Jason having returned from turning off the lights, he entered the bathroom to find Brenda applying her myriad of night creams.

"Where's Jax?"

"Hmm?"

_Had that really just come out of his mouth? _"Jax, Brenda. He's normally around for stuff like this."

"He was in Melbourne, he got in last night. You'll see him tomorrow."

Brenda was frequently on the phone or the computer; he hadn't thought much of it until now. "Did you see him today?"

She stopped what she was doing and turned to her husband, "Really Jason?"

"Did you?"

"He stopped by Kelly's while Em and I were there."

"Why?"

"You're not doing this again Jason," she turned her back on him and went back to her task.

"Again? Is this a regular problem in our relationship?"

"Only in your head," she turned back to him.

"So you get to have issues with Carly when-"

"Jax is my friend and only my friend."

"Does Jax know that?"

"Actually he does."

They both sighed.

"I married you, Jason."

_Actually she had married Jason Quartermaine. _"Only because Jax and Sonny-"

"Left me at the altar," she finished for him. "You turned up all three times. You married me even when you hated me."

He didn't like that. He wanted her to depend on him, but married because he was the safe choice…

"You tried this already Jason," she sounded weary.

Jason hated himself for making the situation worse on her, he just had to know where he stood. They were both struggling to figure that out. "Tried what?"

"Shoving me at him. You said you wouldn't leave." Her head shook, "I didn't leave Jason. Not even when you were throwing me out of our apartment. It was harder and it hurt more than anything with Jax or Sonny, but I **stayed**. So if you're not going and I'm not going-"

"Fine."

"No more Jax or Sonny?"

"Are you going to keep complaining about Carly?"

"Not if you duct tape her mouth."

He sighed.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: This is short. All the new parts didn't want to work for me, so Brenda and Jason are going to bed and hopefully tomorrow the characters will all be willing to socialize with each other.

* * *

**Part 15**

"We're going to be okay," she said once the lights were out and they were once more separated by her giant pillow.

"We are," he confirmed. They had to be. He was pretty sure he couldn't survive losing this. He was silent for a moment. "We have to be," Jason added realizing that she needed to know how much this meant to him.

Her hand found his, even past that giant pillow.

"I don't understand any of this," he found himself explaining.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I'm trying," Jason wanted more than anything to have this figured out, to be that guy in the videos for more than just his family's sake, but his own.

"I know."

"I can't catch up on everything that's happened if I can't understand it."

"I love you, not Jax or Sonny."

"And I still have a decade of memories that tell me differently." That was the simple and basic fact he was left dealing with.

"Remember how I told you it was weird," her voice lightened.

_In the hospital that first day. _"Yea."

"When we woke up in that motel the morning after, we blamed the shots and said we'd never do it again. That morning I knew I'd screwed up more than I ever had before because you were finally my friend again. You were finally really my friend and I wanted to be able to go back to that because that was all I wanted Jason, I tried so hard to go back to that Jason. What was suddenly between us shouldn't have been possible."

"How'd we go from never doing it again to-"

"Doing it all the time?"

Funny, in bed with her, her fingers over his hand, he didn't even have the desire to flinch from that statement.

"I dared you to kiss me."

"You dared me to kiss you?"

"Prove that it was a fluke."

"Did you believe that?"

"I wanted to."

"So what happened then," his lips twitched up in a smile. He liked the thought of Brenda overwhelmed by a relationship, surprised by it instead of chasing it.

"It was even better sober."

He chuckled.

"So we figured we'd just keep doing it until it left."

"But it didn't?"

Her head shook against her pillow. "Jax was already separated Jason. It was supposed to be me and Jax. I was okay with that, but then there was you and-" Brenda shrugged her shoulders.

In the darkened room he stared at her, his wife. He had known her for years, but it had also taken him years to realize she wasn't who he thought she was and she had proved that these past few days. Suddenly her naivety and relentless devotion to love wasn't such a bad thing.

"Half of my life Jason, I'd known you for half of my life and one day everything just changed."

_'Things happen in relationships, things that change them even though you don't want them to. Some things are only right in a certain place and time. We weren't right for 16 years, then one day I couldn't understand how I made it without you.' _Jason recalled Brenda's words to him in the hospital. "So suddenly we were just right." From what he had heard from Emily and Carly, there had been no grand gestures, there had simply been them.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

A thought started to occur to him, but he pushed it away. "You were happy when I got my memory back."

"Yes," she only hesitated for a second as she answered. "It was harder, but-"

"He was your friend."

"You never deserved to have that time stolen from you."

"Even though I apparently can't handle emotions?"

She chuckled slightly. "You handle everything Jason. You always have. You're doing it right now."

"Didn't you just accuse me of trying to leave?"

"I'm hormonal, don't start with me."

He laughed. "Did you try to go back to Jax?" Jason snuck in the question.

"Jason!" Brenda scolded.

"I'm trying to understand."

"One dinner," she admitted.

"After we were together?"

"Technically we weren't together."

"Just sleeping together."

"One dinner," she repeated.

"That was it?"

"It wasn't right," she explained yet again.

"It-"

"I was in love with my best friend Jason," she cut him off; then flinched.

"So you loved me first?" He couldn't help but smirk.

"Jason-"

"I'm just trying to get the story straight, you had said-"

"I couldn't kiss him anymore Jason," she said in resignation, "it just wasn't the same. He wasn't you."

"And that was it?" Jason wondered, still amazed by that, amazed by the 180 his life had done.

"That was it," she confirmed.

"We kissed and-"

"It wasn't a fluke," her voice once more got wistful.

With Brenda distracted by their past memories, he moved in closer, kissing her as he hadn't yesterday, not stopping at chaste. Allowing himself to taste her, she didn't fight him, but joined in quickly. Eager to be close to her husband.

She was right _that_ had never been there before or maybe it had been hidden by the anger and disgust he normally associated with their kisses. That had long since been erased, the person with him now was more than just his friend, but his wife, the mother of his children; she had given him the life he had longed for.

He had just rolled her onto her back when he started to laugh.

"Really Jason," she asked in annoyance.

"That's pretty-" he glanced down at her stomach.

"Humanly impossible to maneuver around? Trust me I'm aware," she rolled her eyes.

He gave it another look.

She laughed and shoved at his shoulder, "Go back to your side."

He chuckled to himself and did as she said.

-o-o-o-

He awoke with the dread of parents knowing they had overslept. He could hear the boys playing loudly as he saw his alarm clock an hour later than Garrett's normal wakeup. Brenda was asleep with her head titled at an awkward angle, mouth slightly open…_He knew he'd heard her snoring during the night. _

He let out a sigh of relief as he heard Missy's voice as he walked towards the playroom. Then he was suddenly confronted with the horror of the day, today was Elizabeth's memorial service. The event Jake was refusing to discuss. He had refused to pick out pictures of he and his mother with Jason and Brenda. He had no interest in seeing Cameron, so he definitely didn't want to do it with him and Lori. Sara had offered to come by, by Jake had informed them all he would rather play, so she had stayed home, saying they shouldn't force it. They could avoid picking out pictures, but they couldn't avoid her memorial, they couldn't avoid her death.

Jason needed Brenda awake.

For this moment though, he smiled seeing the two brothers. The sandy blonde and light brown heads inches away from butting heads as they were leaning over a carefully organized mess of cars.

"Morning Jason," Missy smiled as she sat at the arts and crafts table with her school books open.

"Morning," he nodded.

"Morning," the boys called out in unison, but barely glanced up at him.

"I made pancakes, the batter is in the fridge and I put away the groceries."

"You went shopping?"

Her eyes briefly widened.

"Dad it's Saturday," Jake quickly turned.

Missy quickly added, "Yea groceries were delivered this morning like always."

"Oh right."

"So there's batter and fresh fruit if you want."

"Did you guys have fruit?"

They both snorted.

"They both had a banana before breakfast," Missy supplied. "There was a bunch of baby stuff. I put it in the nursery."

Jason pushed open the door the nursery and looked in the box Missy had left. Diapers, creams, wipes, powders, the exact same items Brenda had ordered online days before. "I ordered it already," he whispered. His eyes closed briefly in pain before he quickly stepped out and shut the door.

-o-o-o-

No one was able to wallow in the house as everyone seemed to stop by.

Monica with dresses.

Courtney with lunch.

Carly to bitch out AJ and Sonny and even Michael.  
Michael to occupy all four kids and Jason was pretty sure hit on Missy.

Lucy with an under eye cream she suggested they both use.

Kevin, whom he and Jake had both ignored.

The day passed too quickly for everyone's taste because as Emily arrived for an early dinner and to help get the boys ready did they realize they would all have no choice, but to face the truth, they would have to say goodbye to Elizabeth.

-o-o-o-

"Stone Cold!"

Spinelli flung his arms around the older man.

Brenda shot him a dirty look as Georgie and Robin looked on in embarrassment. "Do not make me regret telling you Spinelli, take that outside or upstairs before the kids hear you."

Jason gave Brenda a confused look.

"That could not happen in the middle of the memorial, deal with him."

Jason shook his head, he didn't have the energy to deal with Spinelli, who looked as if he was fresh from the airport. "I'm fine Spinelli."

"But-"

"We will talk tomorrow, go get ready and I'll see you in an hour."

-o-o-o-

"We have to do this," Brenda didn't look at him, she was staring out the bedroom window wearing one of the simple black dresses Monica had brought over earlier.

"We do."

"He's going to know by how they look at him, the pity."

"He needs to know how much people loved and respected Liz."

She nodded and Jason knew she didn't believe him for a minute.

"What are you actually thinking?"

She turned with a small smile, "Home school?"

He smiled weakly back, "You done getting ready?"

"I can't deal with pantyhose."

"Leave in a half hour?" Jason nodded.

Brenda nodded back and moved to walk by him.

His hand moved to her arm without thought, "He will get through this."

Brenda simply nodded.

-o-o-o-

She froze by her dresser as he walked out of the bathroom.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh," Emily said walking into the room, stunned as well.

"Someone just tell me what I did?" Jason didn't have the patience for their theatrics.

"You're in all black," Emily pointed out.

"We're going to a memorial."

"You don't wear all black," Brenda added.

"I mean it's fine, you can wear whatever you want," Emily nodded, walking on eggshells like their mother.

"Everyone will know," Brenda gave a slight shake of her head.

"So maybe that's fine-"

Brenda shot her sister in law a dirty look.

"I'll change," Jason said before this went any further.

"You can tell anyone you want tomorrow, you know when Jake and I aren't there," Brenda called out after him.

-o-o-o-

The memorial almost felt as if it was an out of body experience. Audrey had wanted to keep it simple. A priest led them in prayer, but mostly people wandered around looking at pictures and sharing stories of Liz with each other. They would do something bigger at some point in the future and hopefully one day they would find Liz and give her a proper farewell.

The shock of it all was still evident on people's faces, especially as they looked at pictures and then looked around the room to see the faces of her young children.

Jason noted how everyone took turns with him, blocking others from exposing the truth on Elizabeth's day.

He found himself staring just as others had at the pictures. Lucky and Liz as teenagers, their weddings, their children. It looked like the type of life he had wanted for her. She looked happy, he looked happy, Jason wondered why it hadn't been enough.

If he thought the guilt had been bad before…It was nothing compared to standing in that room. Standing in that room listening to how grateful they were that he had been there to at least save the children.

He hadn't saved her.

He hadn't loved her.

Not enough to fight for her, not enough to try for her.

Walking away had seemed the only option at the time.

Agreeing to let Lucky be Jake's father.

Less than a week with Jake had proven that to be wrong. He would fight, kill, change every aspect of himself that he could to stay with his son.

He should have done the same for Liz.

-o-o-o-

"How are you holding up?" Audrey asked him as he brought her a cup of water.

"I think I'm supposed to be asking you that."

"Humor me then."

"I'm fine."

"Let people in Jason, she wanted you to be happy. Things just got mixed up," Audrey spoke softly with a hand on his arm. "Your brother looks panicked, I think you're out of view." Audrey lifted up a hand and gave a gentle smile from the doorway to calm AJ down. "Don't ever forget how blessed you are to have so many people that love you."


End file.
